I had what I would call my first proper breakdown about 3 months ago at 32. I had crippling depression and anxiety and insomnia or going to sleep dreaming for an hour then wake up repeat, the dreams were all undesirable. I couldn't function at work felt constantly distressed, body & hands shaking and sweating. Took days of work just laying in bed rolling around in sweat asking myself over and over 'What am I going to do?' Only getting up to eat small things and use bathroom wasn't even cleaning myself properly the bed sheets were a mess. Managed to get up force my self to work, had to leave, I had decided to go back to the flat and jump from the 10th floor. I didn't do that so tried to hang with belt over the door but couldn't pass out, had another 'surge' of feeling extremely detressed literally rolling back and forth in bed crying saying 'What am I going to do?' Sweat pouring out of me, repeating the same actions, scratching, moving my feet, over and over nonsensicaly. The suicidal thoughts in my brain were burning, like they literally felt hot and burning in my brain, telling me there is absolutely no way out but to die and I imagined this laughing as I went totally still and frooze and I thought I could feel my brain physically dieing and shutting down. I was completely still for a while, defeated, almost paralysed. Eventually someone came over that same evening and took me to A&E psychiatric ward. The thing that calmed me down and started me feeling relatively better (but still bad) was Lorazepam (Benzo) and I've been off work since back at my parents.
