Hi guys. Been readin dem threads for a while. Once upon a time i tried od-ing. On shit that the psychiatrist gave me. Did go frequently but never took the meds until i was ready to go. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Some years of SH later, ex finds me on new years eve passed out with tons of blood around me. Still, it didn't work. Stupid me thought that if i fuck up my hands and open the windows during winter, it would work.
Aaaanyyywayyys. I need to disappear. I've lost the only person that made me think about the future and gave me hope. All because of me. It's all my fault. Here's what i got till now:
-the jumpy jump, from the 7th or 8th floor. I would fall on concrete. But the mess... I mean.. i honestly don't want to... traumatize other people with this.
-N. Only downside is that i am legitimately fucking poor, can afford only one bottle. I need two. There's no...way of saving money or shit. There's nowhere to get the money from. And if, let's say, i go for a bank loan..
What if it fails? What if i never get the N?...
- swimming with the feesh! Tho it scares the fuck outta me....
- partial hanging. Kinda interesting that there's nothin solid enough in the apartment i live in, but there's always time and place for renting a hotel room.
-getting the same room i booked months ago with my man, jump from there. Was high enough tbh.
-exit bag. I don't know how to get it. I cannot get a tank with either helium or anything in here. I live in the S-E part of Europe.
At this moment, I am so fucked up, I barely slept in a week, i cannot eat cause i next thing i know, i vomit it outta anxiety and... I'm just losing it. Step by step. Please help....
(Do apologise for any mistakes, I'm doing this while bawling my eyes out for some hours)
Aaaanyyywayyys. I need to disappear. I've lost the only person that made me think about the future and gave me hope. All because of me. It's all my fault. Here's what i got till now:
-the jumpy jump, from the 7th or 8th floor. I would fall on concrete. But the mess... I mean.. i honestly don't want to... traumatize other people with this.
-N. Only downside is that i am legitimately fucking poor, can afford only one bottle. I need two. There's no...way of saving money or shit. There's nowhere to get the money from. And if, let's say, i go for a bank loan..
What if it fails? What if i never get the N?...
- swimming with the feesh! Tho it scares the fuck outta me....
- partial hanging. Kinda interesting that there's nothin solid enough in the apartment i live in, but there's always time and place for renting a hotel room.
-getting the same room i booked months ago with my man, jump from there. Was high enough tbh.
-exit bag. I don't know how to get it. I cannot get a tank with either helium or anything in here. I live in the S-E part of Europe.
At this moment, I am so fucked up, I barely slept in a week, i cannot eat cause i next thing i know, i vomit it outta anxiety and... I'm just losing it. Step by step. Please help....
(Do apologise for any mistakes, I'm doing this while bawling my eyes out for some hours)
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