Need some pre final comfort

[hoppybunny]

I'm about to take my finals next week and on dec 9 (i hate that, just wasting my time fr) and i'm certain i'm gonna have all B's and C's this semester. I'm personally ok with this but I know my parents will be mad cause i'm expecting more C's than B's honestly. I just need some comfort to prepare me for when my parents call me stupid and start treating me like a criminal for not having A's.

I would ask my siblings and my friends but my siblings (especially my sister) would just try and defend me or talk to my parents. I just want to sit in silence and nod through it, and honestly i'm just avoiding my friends atm because I feel like a shell of a person.

i'm just trying to graduate so i can pass and move out. I want to try living like an independent adult to see if my parents are really the reason i want to die (they love me but they make me feel miserable for being alive differently from how they want)

 

[avalokitesvara]

I'm so sorry your family makes you feel this way. As someone a lot older than you who has left education far behind I can say with one hundred percent factual confidence that YOU ARE NOT YOUR GRADES. You are worthy of love and a good life and your grades have NOTHING to do with who you are, and what your life will be like. I'm proud of you for being wise enough to know that you don't need "perfect" grades, you just need to pass and graduate. I am so confident that you will grow and evolve so much once you have got through school and got away from family who make you feel this way. It's so shortsighted and tbh stupid of them. People who lack the imagination to see beyond an "A" are so stunted, I'm so sorry.

I'm also proud of you that you're managing to carry on and do your exams while feeling like a shell of a person and with all this pressure surrounding you. You are strong and smart and brave. Those around you may not be able to see it, but that's their flaw.
It's ok to put your head down and get through this time however you can. It's ok to zone out and not listen when your parents start verbally abusing you. It's ok to do whatever you need to to get through that moment, even if it's nodding and agreeing with them. It's ok to comfort yourself however you can, whether that's zoning out on phone or something else "unproductive" or "unhealthy".

I know so so so so many people who have interesting, full, fulfilled, vibrant, fun, cool and meaningful lives who did average or even bad at school or who even failed. School means NOTHING apart from getting you into your future where you can live. Bs and Cs are GREAT, you are great. You will get out of this time and place and you will find your own path. I believe this fully. You are so cool to know that the bullshit that people around you try to put on you is not real. You're a real one! Just hang on in there and get through your finals. Best of luck. Hugs.

 

[alltoomuch2]

That's so much unnecessary pressure on you. No employer has ever asked me my grades. That I passed was enough. There is nothing at all wrong with Bs and C's. Any grades above pass are nice but rarely essential. When parents are like that tbh nothing will ever be good enough. I know from experience. If you got straight A's then the exams themselves wouldn't be enough. Keep your eyes on the long goal. My brother has no exams at all but is CEO of a multimillion company, has a great life with a lovely partner and earns more than 10x more than me with my fancy pants grades and exams. You will show them in the long run. It'll be ok. And if it isn't, you can change direction. Nothing is fixed. Maybe your parents think they're helping you and don't realise how harmful it is to make you feel like you're never good enough. Sometimes they do it because they themselves feel inadequate so use you to impress others in compensation. I feel so much for you. I've been there and it's worse than being beaten (my parents did both). There is more to life than grades. There are the qualities of kindness, compassion, honesty, hard work and self worth. Those are far more important. Be kind to yourself and if they do give you a hard time, consider why because it's likely to be more to do with their problems with themselves than you.

 

[hoppybunny]

I'm so sorry your family makes you feel this way. As someone a lot older than you who has left education far behind I can say with one hundred percent factual confidence that YOU ARE NOT YOUR GRADES. You are worthy of love and a good life and your grades have NOTHING to do with who you are, and what your life will be like. I'm proud of you for being wise enough to know that you don't need "perfect" grades, you just need to pass and graduate. I am so confident that you will grow and evolve so much once you have got through school and got away from family who make you feel this way. It's so shortsighted and tbh stupid of them. People who lack the imagination to see beyond an "A" are so stunted, I'm so sorry.

I'm also proud of you that you're managing to carry on and do your exams while feeling like a shell of a person and with all this pressure surrounding you. You are strong and smart and brave. Those around you may not be able to see it, but that's their flaw.
It's ok to put your head down and get through this time however you can. It's ok to zone out and not listen when your parents start verbally abusing you. It's ok to do whatever you need to to get through that moment, even if it's nodding and agreeing with them. It's ok to comfort yourself however you can, whether that's zoning out on phone or something else "unproductive" or "unhealthy".

I know so so so so many people who have interesting, full, fulfilled, vibrant, fun, cool and meaningful lives who did average or even bad at school or who even failed. School means NOTHING apart from getting you into your future where you can live. Bs and Cs are GREAT, you are great. You will get out of this time and place and you will find your own path. I believe this fully. You are so cool to know that the bullshit that people around you try to put on you is not real. You're a real one! Just hang on in there and get through your finals. Best of luck. Hugs.

Thank u so much!! I read this when u initially replied and ut made me feel better. Im replying now cause i just finished my first final. And have 3 more to go. And i feel confident on closing this year. I won't say i did my academically best. But i know i did best with my mental state. I'm going to aim for higher grades next semester but lnowing a B or C is good actually makes getting an A seem more feasible idk how to explain it.

That's so much unnecessary pressure on you. No employer has ever asked me my grades. That I passed was enough. There is nothing at all wrong with Bs and C's. Any grades above pass are nice but rarely essential. When parents are like that tbh nothing will ever be good enough. I know from experience. If you got straight A's then the exams themselves wouldn't be enough. Keep your eyes on the long goal. My brother has no exams at all but is CEO of a multimillion company, has a great life with a lovely partner and earns more than 10x more than me with my fancy pants grades and exams. You will show them in the long run. It'll be ok. And if it isn't, you can change direction. Nothing is fixed. Maybe your parents think they're helping you and don't realise how harmful it is to make you feel like you're never good enough. Sometimes they do it because they themselves feel inadequate so use you to impress others in compensation. I feel so much for you. I've been there and it's worse than being beaten (my parents did both). There is more to life than grades. There are the qualities of kindness, compassion, honesty, hard work and self worth. Those are far more important. Be kind to yourself and if they do give you a hard time, consider why because it's likely to be more to do with their problems with themselves than you.

Thanks you so much. My parents give me a hard time cause they want me to have a "good" life and know i can make As if i tried, but like u said thwir "encouragement" does more harm than good. Ur kind words will really help me. Cause school is all I've known. So internalizing that things will be ok with even c's or B's is hard.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Good luck!