Hello,
Are you safe now?
And I saw you said "I'm too depressed and numb to think about CTB. Or to try doing it." here.
I’m too depressed and numb to think about CTB. Or to try doing it. But it still does cross my mind in passing.
sanctioned-suicide.net
Planning CTB'ing is grueling and actually executing it is even more. So it's very understandable if you think you're excited at the possibility of dying in an accident, even though being burned to death would be pure torture...
What would be your relief? If you want to talk, I'm interested in your story. I hope your days will be a bit less unbearable