Need more bravery

[Swedish Equality]

Sorry for my English
I won't explain the details, it's complicated, but i have a situation when i have a few weeks before they'll come for me and turn my life to the worst scenario possible.
I don't wanna die but there is no choice for me, i still have a few weeks , but i must ctb now , before it's too late.
What i see now is that im telling myself every day that I'll do it tomorrow. I can't even shower myself because of depression and it seems suicide has the same mechanism... Have no strength to do it. I'm always thinking about suicide and frustrating about the act itself instead of doing it.
How to overcome it? I'm scared cuz if I'll fail... I just can't fear now. I need to force myself to do it. I know that my life is impossible at all... But that fear holds me. It seems my brain is trying to self defence . How to finally accept it ?

 

[faust]

Hello,
I am sorry life brought you to this point...
Have you thought what would happen if you CTB a bit later?
Maybe the short time-span is putting pressure on you so you have to force yourself?

 

[tooStupidForExitBag]

Sorry that you feel this way. I have no idea about your situation, but since you say that you still have a few weeks left I really don't think you need to rush yourself. Take your time, the choice to ctb won't disappear. Reading the "making peace with dying" thread under resources has helped me. That said, if you are sure about your decision there's not that many things that will make it easier. You could take alcohol or other drugs that decrease inhibition, but don't do this if you're not actually sure that you want to die.

 

[Lady black]

It´s hard to do if you are not ready...

 

[LMLN]

I'm sorry that your life circumstances are so terrible. It sounds like you are not ready...I agree with previous posters.
We are here if you need to talk. ❤

 

[Darkhaven]

If you don't really want to do it, then you should NOT do it UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

 

[Swedish Equality]

It´s hard to do if you are not ready...

Fear,si , depression are holding me... That life was a hell , i was trying to escape, make my life possible to survivea and failed. My life situation is outside of a world picture of modern society and I'm not even exist. Always wanted to die , i had few failed attempts... Feels like i want to live but it's just impossible in my situation. Now it's critical. Again ,i don't want to explain the details... But i must do it now.

I'm sorry that your life circumstances are so terrible. It sounds like you are not ready...I agree with previous posters.
We are here if you need to talk. ❤

Ready. But scared. Feels like my mind is trying to defend itself

 

[Lady black]

So I wish you good luck, hope your method will work and you will find peace

 

[Swedish Equality]

Hello,
I am sorry life brought you to this point...
Have you thought what would happen if you CTB a bit later?
Maybe the short time-span is putting pressure on you so you have to force yourself?

It's putting pressure on me. I could wait a few more weeks laying on my bed as a vegetable and waiting... If they won't decide to do it sooner. I'm scared that when the time will come I won't be able to finish myself... And i won't have a chance later

 

[Lady black]

That sounds really bad. Wish I could help you out of this horrible situation. Nobody could help you?

 

[Swedish Equality]

If you don't really want to do it, then you should NOT do it UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

I'm sorry but you can't even imagine what kind of situation i have... I think it's not much of us who wants to die... But there is no other way.
Sorry for my English again

 

[Darkhaven]

I'm sorry but you can't even imagine what kind of situation i have... I think it's not much of us who wants to die... But there is no other way.
Sorry for my English again

Can't you run of somewhere where "they" won't find you?

 

[Whitewash11235814]

I'm sorry but you can't even imagine what kind of situation i have... I think it's not much of us who wants to die... But there is no other way.
Sorry for my English again

Who is coming for you? What kind of predicament are you in? Can u provide more details or is
it too personal?

 

[Swedish Equality]

That sounds really bad. Wish I could help you out of this horrible situation. Nobody could help you?

It's a hard question. I think it could be possible to help if someone has a lot of resources...
But my existence is against the law and some people are allowed to do everything they want to me... Ignorance is killing me.

Can't you run of somewhere where "they" won't find you?

Who is coming for you? What kind of predicament are you in? Can u provide more details or is
it too personal?

Oof. "Repressive hand off the state".
Telling personal info could be dangerous, hard psychologically and... Pointless. Maybe i should write about it... But as my last message. Maybe I'll do it today.
I can't run. Nowhere to run , because of specific problems with my legality

 

[Darkhaven]

It's a hard question. I think it could be possible to help if someone has a lot of resources...
But my existence is against the law and some people are allowed to do everything they want to me... Ignorance is killing me.


Oof. "Repressive hand off the state".
Telling personal info could be dangerous, hard psychologically and... Pointless. Maybe i should write about it... But as my last message. Maybe I'll do it today.
I can't run. Nowhere to run , because of specific problems with my legality

So you are in risk of being deported?
Presuming you are in Sweden, aren't they "soft" on migrants there?

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

Sorry for my English
I won't explain the details, it's complicated, but i have a situation when i have a few weeks before they'll come for me and turn my life to the worst scenario possible.
I don't wanna die but there is no choice for me, i still have a few weeks , but i must ctb now , before it's too late.
What i see now is that im telling myself every day that I'll do it tomorrow. I can't even shower myself because of depression and it seems suicide has the same mechanism... Have no strength to do it. I'm always thinking about suicide and frustrating about the act itself instead of doing it.
How to overcome it? I'm scared cuz if I'll fail... I just can't fear now. I need to force myself to do it. I know that my life is impossible at all... But that fear holds me. It seems my brain is trying to self defence . How to finally accept it ?

I struggle with the same issue. But now I am very desperate to die. I hope this desperation will be the final puzzle for me.

 

[Swedish Equality]

So you are in risk of being deported?
Presuming you are in Sweden, aren't they "soft" on migrants there?

Nowadays they aren't.
My situation is far more complicated, I'll try to explain later ,i need more strength for it.
Let's better speak about overcoming that fear. It holds me... But i have no right to be scared

 

[Lady black]

Try to think how much peace there would be if you have done it. maybe you can get drunk a bit?
May I ask you which method you are thinking of, maybe it´s easier to tell you then how you could overcome the fear.

 

[Swedish Equality]

Try to think how much peace there would be if you have done it. maybe you can get drunk a bit?
May I ask you which method you are thinking of, maybe it´s easier to tell you then how you could overcome the fear.

Tried 3 times. Usually im just crying and crushing things when I'm drunk... I think i might try again , should buy some alcohol tomorrow. I'm planning hanging. Si and pain keeps bothering me. Seems i must go to a forest to do it. There is no proper ligature point in my house. Only my door left , but I'm tall and I'm not sure about door knob.
Maybe a train as the second way if I'll fail. Hanging seems hard.

 

[Lady black]

Maybe you can get sleeping pills, put the noose around your neck when you stand on a chair and then take much sleeping pills and wait for them to work...

 

[Taran]

Tried 3 times. Usually im just crying and crushing things when I'm drunk... I think i might try again , should buy some alcohol tomorrow. I'm planning hanging. Si and pain keeps bothering me. Seems i must go to a forest to do it. There is no proper ligature point in my house. Only my door left , but I'm tall and I'm not sure about door knob.
Maybe a train as the second way if I'll fail. Hanging seems hard.

Is hanging your only option..have you considered sn or another method?

Tried 3 times. Usually im just crying and crushing things when I'm drunk... I think i might try again , should buy some alcohol tomorrow. I'm planning hanging. Si and pain keeps bothering me. Seems i must go to a forest to do it. There is no proper ligature point in my house. Only my door left , but I'm tall and I'm not sure about door knob.
Maybe a train as the second way if I'll fail. Hanging seems hard.

 

[faust]

It's putting pressure on me. I could wait a few more weeks laying on my bed as a vegetable and waiting... If they won't decide to do it sooner. I'm scared that when the time will come I won't be able to finish myself... And i won't have a chance later

I know what you mean, just wanted to make things clear. I have something similar but have time until the end of the summer in worst-case scenario.