Need Help With Getting Rid of The Extrinsic

[EDMisgood]

Introduction and Exposition:
First off, I want to start with stating that having rewarding extrinsic achievements keep me alive and they have been my only motivation to life.
Long story short,( in case if you have never read my last post about my background and what I am) I only strive for goals and achievements don't really care
about love or any type of relationship with anyone. Recently, I have been fairly successful and consistent with my progress in terms of fame and my stock trading career, but
I have lost my momentums once again.

Problem #1: Momentum
This is my major problem, even though I would never EVER imagine myself in the position I am in right now 2 months ago, I am here and I made it. BUT I was only feeling
content about my life for like a couple days. My growing fame and trading skills can only fuel my happiness so temporarily, and whenever I am not, I become extremely depressed
and find myself so miserable to the point where my productivity drops to an average of 4 hours maximum a day. Which then sends me further into my crippling mental state.

How To Get Rid of The Craving for Intrinsic Values?
Truthfully, even though I have friends and family, but none of them are truly genuine. Plus my family hates me and would favor other siblings over me to an extent where I feel like
an orphan (most of the time). What I'm trying to get at is that, whether there is a way to forget all of the pain and loneliness so I can be 100% focused on my goals. I hit the gym has a nice body
but it never seemed to help much. This craving is natural and I'll admit(it also causes tons of self-hatred and makes me suic1dal), my whole life there weren't enough genuine relationships with people so consequently this becomes my draining
weakness.

Conclusion:
I really need these goals to reach a position where I can be defined by them, where I no longer need the intrinsic values like love or relationship or self-love to SIMPLY COMPLETE me.
I hate having to crave for and feel depressed for not having any genuine relationship in my life, the loneliness slows me down so much I fking hate it. Give me advice please, this is so damn
hard, I progressed but I need more and more and more. Thank you

(just to add on, with school included, I am out of time to think of working methods and out of ways to figure it out please help, this is painful)

 

[tams]

These are natural human instincts. To wanna be loved and wanted. Most of us want connection, both romantic and platonic. I realized I like being alone as I can do what I want when I want, without the hindrance of considering others. It didn't fix it, but it made being alone easier. Hope that helps.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm similar to you- in that my creative work is my main crutch in life. I suppose I've learned that you simply can't rely on people. The closer you get to someone and the more you allow yourself to rely on them- the more devastating it is when they let you down- or- leave you all together. It's not exactly healthy but I've realised that- for me- it's safer just to not develop these relationships to begin with. It's difficult though. I think we're wired to want connection. I just have to keep reminding myself where it leads though. I think perhaps the key is- be thankful for what people do give you- the odd phone call or text- but try so hard not to fall into the trap of expecting/hoping for anymore. I guess- know deep down that the only person you can truly rely on is yourself.