Help Need help getting mental health help

[cyclicism]

Hiii, I'm just having a terrible day and need help with a few things. Need to make some decisions.

I want to get MH support, but I don't know how I should go about it.

Background info (questions at the bottom):
I'm in university. I live at home with my parents and commute to school.

I've been suicidal for a long time, but this winter break it got bad. Really bad out of nowhere. One day I was fine, and the next I lost all motivation, all good habits I've built up, and I got further along in my plans to ctb then I ever have before. Since then, I've been stuck in a loop half a day I'm hopeful and trying to press on, while the other I'm near caratonic fighting for my life to just do daily shit I always do (technically I've been stuck in this loop for years, but the cycle is so fast now I cannot handle it).

As much as I wish I could just impulsively ctb, that's not me. I need to have 'earned' it. So, I'm setting a date for once the semester ends. I have to make it through these shitty classes and finish 2nd year, and if I still feel like ctbing after all that effort then I'll truly deserve it. (there's more to it ofc but it doesn't rlly matter)

But, no matter if I'm ctbing or not when that deadline arises, I'm not getting there in the first place without outside help. Hence my want for a therapist.

Anyways, right now I've skipped all my classes and have just been driving around. Wallowing. Thinking. My plan is to spill my guts to my parents (NOT about suicidal thoughts/tendencies) once I get home and enlist their help in getting MH help, or at least ask if they have insurance for it.

Im terrified. What do I even say? I really don't want them to know, and also they are not the best support for this stuff. Also I don't want my whole extended family to know about my mental either. Although begging my mother (she's a gossiper) to keep it a secret makes me want to throw up (tbf all of this does).

Or should I even involve them at all? I could just find help on my own and pay for it out of pocket.

I'd have to use my savings (and usually I'm extremely obsessive about money, but I don't care anymore, what does saving for the future matter if you're drowning all the time), but I could manage paying all on my own.

Any thoughts/advice? I'd appreciate anything right now cause my mind's just going in the same terrible circles.

 

[LostLily]

Proud of you for reaching out , i know that is hard to do.

Have you check to see if your university has any counselling or mental health service?

 

[cyclicism]

Have you check to see if your university has any counselling or mental health service?

They do, I'll (ideally) be calling or going in-person tomorrow to set up an appointment.

And thank you, it means a lot

 

[CatLvr]

That's good. You've taken that first step. Something a lot of folks here do is start a thread of their own to vent in. Get shit off their chest. Kinda like a journal of sorts, I think. Maybe that would help?? If you didn't want to do that here then maybe start your own journal on paper??

I used to just drive endlessly when I was in school. I didn't realize it at the time but that was my time to decompress from everything I was going through.

If, for some reason, you aren't happy with the way things go with the university's program, don't give up. It seems to me that it takes a bit to find a therapist you can connect with so don't get discouraged. And of course, we are always here if you need to vent. Or ask questions. Or just to visit.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

They do, I'll (ideally) be calling or going in-person tomorrow to set up an appointment.

And thank you, it means a lot

I think school is the best place for you to start.

 

[human909]

I think the best thing for you is to go to the mental health services or counseling at your university like LostLily said. hope that helps.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Depending on where you live, you can likely go to your city's Health Department and tell them you are in mental distress. Just don't tell them you are suicidal, unless you want to end up in the ward.

A nurse practitioner will write you scrips to get meds.

 

[needthebus]

I would call up your insurance and see what is covered. If there is a college mental health services and they pay for stuff, you can just do that.

If you are doing anything beyond that, I would also speak with a financial planner about your mental health.

You are probably thinking: "Why would I want to speak with a financial planner about mental health?"

Mental health can be expensive and a lot of times there are slogans like "Put Mental Health First" or "Your wellness needs to be the number 1 priority" but actually, sometimes suicidal people don't die and they end up in a lot of debt and enrich doctors and hospitals.

If running each morning and taking a low dose of Prozac from a general doctor costs $60 a year, and an in-patient stay costs $40,000 and you're insurance covers $25,000 and then they put you on a medication that isn't generic and you end up paying $5000 in psychiatric meetings and pills and then you get $5000 in therapy bills, it's one of those things that may not make a difference between life and death but will make life a lot harder if you live.

https://www.plannersearch.org/ - for financial planners

Mental health specialists, doctors, and those in the mental health industry will NEVER care about your financial wellness. It makes sense to look into help, but please please please get some financial advice about managing the cost of this and the financial impact it will have. Please see exactly what insurance does and doesn't cover.

If you are not jogging each morning for 30 minutes and are capable of doing it, please please try this too.

If you college has a mental health center, you can just ask them about costs there. You don't have to involve your parents if you don't want to. I think it's better not to involve them and figure out the financial aspect on your own, see if you can get free stuff, and only involve them if it's needed.

If you have mental health issues, it's almost always better to keep it to yourself. People discriminate against those with mental health issues, and that includes job discrimination and people also just personally being put off by it. Keep it as hidden as possible, but also try to get treatment, if you can. It's never a good idea to tell friends or family because people will say things, even if they promise at first not to do so.

Also know that if you are in the US, and you get mental health help, you will get a diagnosis for insurance purposes (it's how they do billing) and the diagnosis will make it illegal for you to own guns, become a pilot, and will prevent you from doing anything that requires a security clearance. You become a different type of person after.

Please try running every morning for 30 minutes for 1 week if possible if you've never tried that. If you can get better that way, it will make your financial situation better and won't require a diagnosis. If that doesn't work, or if you've tried it, get help.

a keto diet sometimes can help too, the modern diet causes inflammation which leads to depression.

i hope things go well for you, if this is too much info and you need help right now, just go get it from the college health center first

 

[onthefence]

Were you able to reach out to the counseling option at school?

 

[cyclicism]

Were you able to reach out to the counseling option at school?

I was! It was.. an experience for sure. I spoke in really vague and cryptic terms the whole time because i'm really not the type to open up to others (and i was avoiding talking abt suicide, which is such an interwoven problem i had to modify everything i talked abt to remove it). But ig it led him to think that i'm perfectly fine because he started questioning if I even needed counselling, and I just. uhh that was crazy.

(im sorry but do they really expect me to spill my guts to some person i had known for less than an hour? my bad, so sorry for being bad at explaining shit. next time ill come in with a script written neatly out. yk shit i dont have the time and energy for. is it such a crime to just go there and have someone to talk and listen to? and no, someone desperately trying to throw a shitty diagnosis with no basis right after stating that they're not qualified to give diagnoses at all is not helpful at all you worthless ingrate. the guy had to google what SAD was holy shit. ) blahblahblah vent overr sorryyyy, the more i think about it the more i remember

Honestly how ridiculous it was knocked me out of my stupor and I've just been drowning in schoolwork ever since- so ig it worked in some way. I think i got so angry at the guy that it fueled me for a while.

anyways I booked another appointment with a different counsellor and I'll see if the new one is less of a confusing meandering idiot. heyy, that's the one good thing about school - i literally forgot about the appointment and everything surrounding it because i've been so swamped. double edged fucking sword.

sorry for the incoherent ramblings >_<,and thank you and everyone else for your replies,, it's been a great help

 

[cyclicism]

Mental health specialists, doctors, and those in the mental health industry will NEVER care about your financial wellness. It makes sense to look into help, but please please please get some financial advice about managing the cost of this and the financial impact it will have. Please see exactly what insurance does and doesn't cover.

No yeah it makes perfect sense. Thinking about how much therapy costs sucks on all fronts. Hours of work just to pay for one session... I would never be able to do it without it being subsidized in some way.

If you have mental health issues, it's almost always better to keep it to yourself. People discriminate against those with mental health issues, and that includes job discrimination and people also just personally being put off by it. Keep it as hidden as possible, but also try to get treatment, if you can. It's never a good idea to tell friends or family because people will say things, even if they promise at first not to do so.

It's always 'mental health matters' until the mental distress gets to a level where it actually impacts someone's performance, their contribution to society. I'm definitely going to keep it to myself. Once one person knows everyone will, and people's pity makes me feel like something's gnawing my bones.

tysm for your reply and ill definitely try to do some of the things you suggested

 

[dontwakemeup]

You can always ask your main doctor for medication. Do not mention you're suicidal with a plan! Maybe say your depressed, sad a lot, etc but the truth and you need help. Your Dr can prescribed you medication and it may or may not help. Maybe that's all you need. Some people may need more. Just a suggestion.

I think it's great you are trying to get better!

 

[needthebus]

You can always ask your main doctor for medication. Do not mention you're suicidal with a plan! Maybe say your depressed, sad a lot, etc but the truth and you need help. Your Dr can prescribed you medication and it may or may not help. Maybe that's all you need. Some people may need more. Just a suggestion.

I think it's great you are trying to get better!

this is a good point too

you can get generic low cost medication from a psychiatrist without being in-patient hospitalized, although you will get a diagnosis as a result, and this will change your status in society and prevent you from being able to do certain things under various laws which discriminate between those with an without a mental health diagnosis. you could just say you feel extremely depressed, it's interfering with you life life, and you want to try medication, and then just deny being suicidal. You can say things like "everything seems pointless" or "i'm never happy and always sad" to indicate depression while also denying questions about being suicidal. It's just unfortunate that you have to lie to get care without being involuntarily hospitalized.

they do not prescribe medication without a diagnosis and even something like Major Depressive Disorder does change your status at least in the United States. In other countries, perhaps having a diagnosis does not result in being treated differently under the regulations

 

[MidnightCat]

this is a good point too

you can get generic low cost medication from a psychiatrist without being in-patient hospitalized, although you will get a diagnosis as a result, and this will change your status in society and prevent you from being able to do certain things under various laws which discriminate between those with an without a mental health diagnosis

they do not prescribe medication without a diagnosis and even something like Major Depressive Disorder does change your status at least in the United States. In other countries, perhaps having a diagnosis does not result in being treated differently under the regulations

I'm always amazed on how different EU and USA are.

Here, being diagnosed has (mostly) benefits, from help getting jobs, to monthly income, to reduction in taxes and better social services, discounts for electricity, transportation...

Only downside I know of is... (Although not really enforced) When you renew your driving license you need a paper from your doctor saying you're fine to drive. (And, the doctor is free so..)

To OP, if you're from the States I'm not sure how to go about it, but being open with your parents and asking them to help you get help is probably a good option to start.

I'm glad you're asking for help. Ctb is something that will always be there for us, but it's final. Trying to get help (even multiple times) can change your life completely, remember that a lot of people who tried to ctb and failed... End up having a happy life.

I know it's seems so far and impossible and...

But we gotta keep trying. The exit will always be there, so don't rush it. If not for you.. for the ones you love.

Best of luck and I hope you find a way.

 

[needthebus]

I'm always amazed on how different EU and USA are.

Here, being diagnosed has (mostly) benefits, from help getting jobs, to monthly income, to reduction in taxes and better social services, discounts for electricity, transportation...

Only downside I know of is... (Although not really enforced) When you renew your driving license you need a paper from your doctor saying you're fine to drive. (And, the doctor is free so..)

To OP, if you're from the States I'm not sure how to go about it, but being open with your parents and asking them to help you get help is probably a good option to start.

I'm glad you're asking for help. Ctb is something that will always be there for us, but it's final. Trying to get help (even multiple times) can change your life completely, remember that a lot of people who tried to ctb and failed... End up having a happy life.

I know it's seems so far and impossible and...

But we gotta keep trying. The exit will always be there, so don't rush it. If not for you.. for the ones you love.

Best of luck and I hope you find a way.

the changes in the US are things that to some people, may never matter: you can never own a gun, you can never fly a plane, your mental health can become an issue if there is a divorce and a custody hearing (ie, one nice parent who has a diagnosis and the other parent is mean and cruel but with no diagnosis), it can prevent you from working in some government jobs or companies that contract with the government, which include a lot of science jobs (so it makes a science career more difficult but not impossible), and because insurance companies sell lists of who has what disorder (although they are supposed to be confidential) it can result in discrimination in insurance pricing, also because data is not always secure (such as Facebook tracking pixels on mental health websites and hospital websites) sometimes confidential mental health information can leak and be used to create personality profiles on you that will ultimately result in a job denial on pretextual grounds (ie, they reject you for lacking "fortitude" instead of saying depression, since the depression was factored into a personality showing a lack of fortitude). If you have a mental health diagnosis and the government asks you about it and you lie, you can go to prison for a really long time. Look at what happened with Hunter Biden, who admitted to having an addiction, which is a mental illness under the DSM. Because of that mental illness, prosectors tried to give him a lot of time in prison and he only got out of it with a pardon. I'm sure he now realizes he should have never admitted to having any mental illness or addiction and dealt with things in secret if it were possible. The USA is all about "mental health awareness is important!" and once you get that mental health help, you are judged differently in society in many ways

you become a second class person in many ways in the USA. the USA will say that you are treated equally and not a second class citizen because everyone is subject to the same laws, but that ignores that many rules and laws specificially inquire into mental health status. this is why military guys, police guys, and scientists will often never admit to mental health issues and part of why so many men commit suicide and don't get help: because they don't want informal second class citizen status that the government has created

The mental health industry NEVER informs people about this impact or is concerned about it because "Wellness" is always the number 1 priority (as long as they are getting money, and lots of it). I believe now that mentally ill people are sort of emotionally weak in some ways and the mental health industry and others actively financially exploit people like vultures to an animal clinging to life. It's allowed under the subterfuge of help, but many of these medications are not better than a placebo and the financial costs are extraordinarily relative to the benefits compared to a placebo almost always, with many of the costs completely unjustified.

 

[Whale_bones]

I was! It was.. an experience for sure. I spoke in really vague and cryptic terms the whole time because i'm really not the type to open up to others (and i was avoiding talking abt suicide, which is such an interwoven problem i had to modify everything i talked abt to remove it). But ig it led him to think that i'm perfectly fine because he started questioning if I even needed counselling, and I just. uhh that was crazy.

First off, I think it's great that you're looking for a counselor, that takes a lot of strength when you're already feeling so drained. This thread might be better suited to the recovery section, though I know you're not necessarily trying to "recover", that section generally has more discussion about seeking counseling/treatment than this one does.

I have a couple decades' experience with counseling, ranging from awful to wonderful. I completely relate to your first experience, a lot of people have a checklist and expect you to list your worst experiences to them in the first meeting; they view you like a clinical entity to be studied rather than a person.

But there's also people who understand how that can be damaging, who aim to build respect and trust with you, let you go at your own pace for disclosing things, and try to support you rather than shove you into a box of "x type of mentally ill".

It varies so much. Generally, places where the counselors are more pressed for time will be more likely to be the "checklist" type of places; ideally, your first meeting should be an interview, to see if you even like and feel comfortable with the therapist and want to start counseling with them. I don't have personal experience with college counseling, but I imagine that's a situation with a lot of students to see and little time.

You could look online for counselors in your area, read reviews and get a sense of their ethical views and treatment approaches. I've by far had the best outcomes when I was able to do that.

It's completely up to you if you'd feel comfortable asking your parents for help or paying for it yourself. If you're choosing who you see, you're only committing to paying for that first session to see if you're compatible (and some counselors don't charge for the first meeting). I'm not saying there's no good people in free services, just that IME, the likelihood of finding someone who really treats you like an individual goes way up when you're actively choosing who you see.

 

[cyclicism]

Here, being diagnosed has (mostly) benefits, from help getting jobs, to monthly income, to reduction in taxes and better social services, discounts for electricity, transportation...

Only downside I know of is... (Although not really enforced) When you renew your driving license you need a paper from your doctor saying you're fine to drive. (And, the doctor is free so..)

That's crazyyyy . It's better here in Canada vs the US because psychiatrists are covered under universal healthcare, but otherwise it's pretty expensive.

Typically for someone to get MH help here, their mental state has be significantly dysfunctional in order to justify how much it costs.

This thread might be better suited to the recovery section, though I know you're not necessarily trying to "recover", that section generally has more discussion about seeking counseling/treatment than this one does.

Yeah, I'll probably start lurking there more often to learn about others' experiences.

I completely relate to your first experience, a lot of people have a checklist and expect you to list your worst experiences to them in the first meeting; they view you like a clinical entity to be studied rather than a person.

It really did feel like a checklist was being ran through, I was floored by now unbelivable cliché it was.

I'm not saying there's no good people in free services, just that IME, the likelihood of finding someone who really treats you like an individual goes way up when you're actively choosing who you see.

No yeah that makes perfect sense.
Hoping that the next counsellor is better at providing recommendations for external sources