need advice

[devil]

So tonight made me think that I'm starting to hear voices, and it's very
confusing and I really don't know... but I ended up cutting myself tonight deeper
than I've ever gone, but I didn't exactly want to. I kept hearing someone telling me to keep going
deeper and deeper, and it felt like I wasn't in control of my body. I would go to stop
but then I kept getting yelled at to keep going, basically my hands and my head
took control over my body. If that makes sense. I just wasn't myself during any of it,
it eventually got to the point where I couldn't feel any pain. It was a numbing experience,
and I felt so dissociated.

Can someone please explain this?

 

[painoflife]

I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know you haven't been ignored.
This sounds like it was probably quite distressing and confusing for you. Was it like you got took away in the moment? Like you were already doing it and the voices said to do it more, or that they completely told you to do it? Did they want you to just harm yourself or kill yourself?
It does sound like some kind of psychosis if you are hearing voices like this.
Also I hope you managed to look after yourself afterwards.

 

[Hexen]

Whats to explain? Go see doctor or psychiatrist cause you likely have schizophrenia or some shit like that.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

It does sound similar to experiences of other SS users with schizophrenia. Hopefully one of them will come along soon and offer some advice.

 

[bea1974]

Psychosis can be part of schizophrenia but also can be not. It is usually a response to trauma of some sort. Having had one episode of it does not always mean you will have further episodes. Try not to be too scared, you are still you and this is part of the range of normal human experiences, really it is. Try googling the hearing voices network if you want to learn more and hear from others about their experiences.

 

[Rachel74]

I'm bipolar and have had a depressive episode with no mania for 10 months, about 2 months ago I started hearing music and muffled voices, this really made me freak out. This was the start of a psychosis, I've been told by my Dr it's not schizophrenia. Since having an increase in my
Antipsychotics it as gone. Not saying this will work with everyone but it did for me.

 

[bea1974]

www.hearingvoicesusa.org

www.hearing-voices.org

 

[Bathsheba]

Hearing voices can also happen with bpd. Have you had any sort of diagnosis already? Xx

 

[devil]

I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know you haven't been ignored.
This sounds like it was probably quite distressing and confusing for you. Was it like you got took away in the moment? Like you were already doing it and the voices said to do it more, or that they completely told you to do it? Did they want you to just harm yourself or kill yourself?
It does sound like some kind of psychosis if you are hearing voices like this.
Also I hope you managed to look after yourself afterwards.

Well I started off doing it myself but I usually do it enough just to feel pain, but then that's when I was hearing them. They took over my hand and repeatedly went over the same cut over and over and over until it was way deeper. Which I never do, so it was awful. Your last question, they wanted to do both. I just kept hearing for me to cut vertically and bleed out, I was numb to all of it. I don't understand it at all....

Psychosis can be part of schizophrenia but also can be not. It is usually a response to trauma of some sort. Having had one episode of it does not always mean you will have further episodes. Try not to be too scared, you are still you and this is part of the range of normal human experiences, really it is. Try googling the hearing voices network if you want to learn more and hear from others about their experiences.

Thank you

Hearing voices can also happen with bpd. Have you had any sort of diagnosis already? Xx

Yes actually, I was recently diagnosed with bpd. So that could explain it then... i'm not sure.

 

[painoflife]

Well I started off doing it myself but I usually do it enough just to feel pain, but then that's when I was hearing them. They took over my hand and repeatedly went over the same cut over and over and over until it was way deeper. Which I never do, so it was awful. Your last question, they wanted to do both. I just kept hearing for me to cut vertically and bleed out, I was numb to all of it. I don't understand it at all....

I guess from this it makes it seem like the voices weren't there until you started cutting yourself, which might be reassuring. If you had been just going about your day and then suddenly they were saying to harm yourself then it would be a worse feeling I think.
The feeling of losing control and them taking over your actions isn't something I am familiar with personally, like a double personality?
Do you want this to stop? I would suggest seeing a specialist if you were getting worse as you need to make sure anything you do/don't do is your choice and not ruled by voices