My original method of choice was an exit bag with nitrogen. However, it's pretty hard to obtain all of the things you need to go out that way properly. In desperation to CTB, I bought a length of rope today with the intent of partial hanging.
I read the advice on this website. I watched videos. I looked at diagrams. I tried to practice compressing my carotids manually and it did not work. I bought the rope and watched a video on how to tie a slipknot. Just testing out the slipknot by pulling on the other end by hand, I was able to almost pass out. Gagging was an issue but significantly less of a problem once I moved the rope down further closer to my collarbones. I cleaned my house and left everything how I would want it to be seen when people come into my house and find me. I tied the rope to the stair railing and sat on the bottom step while I practiced.
I almost went through with it tonight. I had everything set up, all of my letters written and laid out as well as my final wishes for my funeral. But tonight is not the night. But now I know I have a cheaper alternative than the nitrogen.
Thank you all for your help. This site has given me comfort because I can't talk to anyone else about my wishes. If you tell anybody what you want to do, they just want to lock you up instead of giving you the freedom to make your own choice about your own life. This is not a decision I have come to lightly. I have put much thought for many months into this and I know what I want. People like to say that suicide is selfish but I think what is selfish is forcing someone to endure mental torment, and in some of our cases physical pain, for the rest of their lives in order to prevent the sadness of others from our passing. I am an educated person with an advanced degree. I am a nurse who has seen death many times over and I have brought lives into the world many times over. I understand the value of life. But I also understand the right to decide when life is no longer what you want. I'm so glad to have found this website full of like-minded people. I wish that we all had and no reason to feel the way that we do. But that is not the world we live in. I'm glad we have each other and can support each other in silence so that we are not going through these things alone.
I read the advice on this website. I watched videos. I looked at diagrams. I tried to practice compressing my carotids manually and it did not work. I bought the rope and watched a video on how to tie a slipknot. Just testing out the slipknot by pulling on the other end by hand, I was able to almost pass out. Gagging was an issue but significantly less of a problem once I moved the rope down further closer to my collarbones. I cleaned my house and left everything how I would want it to be seen when people come into my house and find me. I tied the rope to the stair railing and sat on the bottom step while I practiced.
I almost went through with it tonight. I had everything set up, all of my letters written and laid out as well as my final wishes for my funeral. But tonight is not the night. But now I know I have a cheaper alternative than the nitrogen.
Thank you all for your help. This site has given me comfort because I can't talk to anyone else about my wishes. If you tell anybody what you want to do, they just want to lock you up instead of giving you the freedom to make your own choice about your own life. This is not a decision I have come to lightly. I have put much thought for many months into this and I know what I want. People like to say that suicide is selfish but I think what is selfish is forcing someone to endure mental torment, and in some of our cases physical pain, for the rest of their lives in order to prevent the sadness of others from our passing. I am an educated person with an advanced degree. I am a nurse who has seen death many times over and I have brought lives into the world many times over. I understand the value of life. But I also understand the right to decide when life is no longer what you want. I'm so glad to have found this website full of like-minded people. I wish that we all had and no reason to feel the way that we do. But that is not the world we live in. I'm glad we have each other and can support each other in silence so that we are not going through these things alone.
