RodgerThat

RodgerThat

It's over and out.
Apr 23, 2019
84
Have you had a near death experience? If so, was it a failed attempt or was it an accident (car crash, heart attack etc)? I'm curious to see how it may have affected your worldview and your thoughts and feelings pertaining to mortality.
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
2 failed attempts that resulted in my heart flat lining and being in a coma. The first time was for 72hrs. and the second time for 7 days. The first time I was given defibrillation and oxygen. The second time I was also given defibrillation, but this time I had to be incubated because I couldn't breathe on my own at all. I didn't see or experience anything, except silence and darkness. It was very calming and peaceful. I no longer fear death because of these experiences. It hasn't really changed my view on the possibility of an afterlife, since I wasn't brain dead. Only after brain death would I truly be dead. My views on life and the world are the same, which is why I'm still here looking for a method to CTB.
 
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Marz

Marz

À PEU PRÈS
Aug 3, 2018
170
I was almost shot down by two robbers once when coming back from school. I was almost run over once when crossing the street, a motorcycle had surpassed a taxi out of nowhere and the taxi tried to dodge it and thus its wheel hit my foot as I was reaching the opposite lane. I've also been in several almost crashes with my father speeding drunk down the road. Once a man with a gun tried to get inside our house by force, etc. And I mean, living in Venezuela is a near death experience in on itself.
 
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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Mar 20, 2019
310
Have you had a near death experience? If so, was it a failed attempt or was it an accident (car crash, heart attack etc)? I'm curious to see how it may have affected your worldview and your thoughts and feelings pertaining to mortality.
I've had several; 3 accidents, 1 attempt.

It's made me realize how depressed of a state you're in before death. Little to no sense of anything, and how the speed determines how you'll react (fast = panic, slow = depressive resignition).

It's much easier coping with death when it's out of your control, your mindset is to endure pain/discomfort, not anticipate or avoid it. Idk what happens past that for obvious reasons.
 
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L

Lost

Member
Apr 18, 2018
88
1 attempt . It got dark, quiet and relaxing and then nothing what I can remember. All I know I want to go back to that place .
 
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Empty Smile

Empty Smile

The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
Jul 13, 2018
1,785
I was in a near death crash a few years ago. 9 vehicles involved. One woman was killed, and I don't know how I managed to survive. I was flown to hospital and given a shot which paralyzed me.

I slept most of the time, but at one point I woke up and couldn't move because of the shot they gave me. I learned at that point what it would be like to have to live in a vegetative state. I realized I would rather be dead than live a life like that.

The shot they gave me was supposed to do that, just so you know. They had me under watch for smoke inhalation for that reason.
 
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RodgerThat

RodgerThat

It's over and out.
Apr 23, 2019
84
I was in a near death crash a few years ago. 9 vehicles involved. One woman was killed, and I don't know how I managed to survive. I was flown to hospital and given a shot which paralyzed me.

I slept most of the time, but at one point I woke up and couldn't move because of the shot they gave me. I learned at that point what it would be like to have to live in a vegetative state. I realized I would rather be dead than live a life like that.

The shot they gave me was supposed to do that, just so you know. They had me under watch for smoke inhalation for that reason.
Wow that's pretty intense. I too would hate to be in a vegetative state; I'd rather be bled out through my toenails...
Did the experience change your perception on life and death?
 
Empty Smile

Empty Smile

The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
Jul 13, 2018
1,785
Wow that's pretty intense. I too would hate to be in a vegetative state; I'd rather be bled out through my toenails...
Did the experience change your perception on life and death?
Nope, still rather be gone. When I learned 2 days later about the woman being killed, I was pretty upset that it wasn't me that was killed.

People would say to me, "That has to be so hard on you, knowing you came so close to death."

I had to fight the urge to say that I wish death would have taken me.
 
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Deadgirl

Deadgirl

Game Over
Mar 31, 2019
215
When I strangled myself in the psychiatric hospital's shower with a softball sock that goes to mid thigh, initially my SI was making me shake like crazy. I got a little weaker and felt somewhat amazing. After that I don't remember because I none of my five senses worked for a moment (i registered it as black). I don't really remember anything after that, probably the staff cut the ligature. After that things got much worse. If i hadn't been on suicide precautions I would have been gone.
 
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RodgerThat

RodgerThat

It's over and out.
Apr 23, 2019
84
Seems like many here felt some form of euphoria. Maybe that's why auto-asphyxiation is quite common.
 
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Mircea

Mircea

Member
Apr 15, 2019
83
I was admittedly hoping someone would share any glimpses of... ahem, what exactly they saw after (near) death. Not expecting much since from what I heard, your brain activity needs to have ceased for a while before you see anything like that. None the less, I'm glad others confirmed their experiences were peaceful.
 
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W

want to die 25

Member
May 8, 2019
34
I find it difficult to discripe it. And of course I don't know if that comes for sure after, or it's just a space between. But I will try to answer.

I was 12 and after I was reanimated. The first thing that I relished was that I stopped to hear what's around me. All the noise disappeared. What was a big relief for me.
Throug the hole time I couldn't see because it has been pressed a pillow on my head.

But the darkness that came along it was different. I felt peaceful. And the most important I stopped to feel pain.
I didn't have clear thoughts in my mind.
That's make it so hard to discripe.
I just felt things. Like that I'm free. I lost all my conaction to this world. I didn't have a past or a futer. I was just like air that is taken. I didn't have feelings of regreds or hate. I just existet in this moment. Like I had no past and no futer. No fear. I hope that this is what comes after. But of course you are never sure.
I know people that seen there own body but I didn't see actually anything.

Even when I didn't actually planned it. When I slowly got back I was really sad to be back in life.
I hope that is what comes after. But like I wrote before you can never be sure.
I find it difficult to discripe it. And of course I don't know if that comes for sure after, or it's just a space between. But I will try to answer.

I was 12 and after I was reanimated. The first thing that I relished was that I stopped to hear what's around me. All the noise disappeared. What was a big relief for me.
Throug the hole time I couldn't see because it has been pressed a pillow on my head.

But the darkness that came along it was different. I felt peaceful. And the most important I stopped to feel pain.
I didn't have clear thoughts in my mind.
That's make it so hard to discripe.
I just felt things. Like that I'm free. I lost all my conaction to this world. I didn't have a past or a futer. I was just like air that is taken. I didn't have feelings of regreds or hate. I just existet in this moment. Like I had no past and no futer. No fear. I hope that this is what comes after. But of course you are never sure.
I know people that seen there own body but I didn't see actually anything.

Even when I didn't actually planned it. When I slowly got back I was really sad to be back in life.
I hope that is what comes after. But like I wrote before you can never be sure.
 
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E

editredit22

Member
Jan 11, 2019
32
2 failed attempts that resulted in my heart flat lining and being in a coma. The first time was for 72hrs. and the second time for 7 days. The first time I was given defibrillation and oxygen. The second time I was also given defibrillation, but this time I had to be incubated because I couldn't breathe on my own at all. I didn't see or experience anything, except silence and darkness. It was very calming and peaceful. I no longer fear death because of these experiences. It hasn't really changed my view on the possibility of an afterlife, since I wasn't brain dead. Only after brain death would I truly be dead. My views on life and the world are the same, which is why I'm still here looking for a method to CTB.
How did you attempt to kill yourself that it failed if I may ask?
 
Halo13

Halo13

Wizard
May 9, 2019
671
Two of my overdose attempts resulted in a coma. The first was really serious. My mind is foggy about the aftermath, considering I was intubated and placed in a chemical coma for 3 months. The doctor, nurse and one family member said I was dead then resuscitated. I began come out of the coma too fast and began to flat line again. I have nothing but darkness as a memory of the overdose. My brain didn't work right and for months after I would stare at the TV, confused where I was or who I was. To this day, I have bouts of confusion about the year, date, etc. I also remember vaguely being strapped down in the ICU because I was trying to escape.
The other attempt landed me in a coma for what I thought was a day but turned out to be close to a week. Both were the result of pill overdoses with a failed exit bag.

It did change my perspective on how hard the body fights to live. It changed my perspective also on having the power to control living or dying, which is comforting to me. Far as I know, I was dead in the first situation before I was found or extremely close as I recall not understanding anything (as in the fact I was dying). It is so hard to explain. It was a complete absence of emotion, thought, comprehension. Hard to say it was peaceful because there was just nothing at all, like a dead sleep without dreams or interruptions.
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
How did you attempt to kill yourself that it failed if I may ask?
The first time with opiates and benzos, and the second time with the Amitriptyline cocktail.
Two of my overdose attempts resulted in a coma. The first was really serious. My mind is foggy about the aftermath, considering I was intubated and placed in a chemical coma for 3 months. The doctor, nurse and one family member said I was dead then resuscitated. I began come out of the coma too fast and began to flat line again. I have nothing but darkness as a memory of the overdose. My brain didn't work right and for months after I would stare at the TV, confused where I was or who I was. To this day, I have bouts of confusion about the year, date, etc. I also remember vaguely being strapped down in the ICU because I was trying to escape.
The other attempt landed me in a coma for what I thought was a day but turned out to be close to a week. Both were the result of pill overdoses with a failed exit bag.

It did change my perspective on how hard the body fights to live. It changed my perspective also on having the power to control living or dying, which is comforting to me. Far as I know, I was dead in the first situation before I was found or extremely close as I recall not understanding anything (as in the fact I was dying). It is so hard to explain. It was a complete absence of emotion, thought, comprehension. Hard to say it was peaceful because there was just nothing at all, like a dead sleep without dreams or interruptions.

Wow, 3 months. I can't imagine being in a coma that long.
 
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E

editredit22

Member
Jan 11, 2019
32
The first time with opiates and benzos, and the second time with the Amitriptyline cocktail.


Wow, 3 months. I can't imagine being in a coma that long.
Wow... Can you tell me about how you felt after or how you are now? What was it life facing fmaily and friends... I'm so scared I'll survive if I try to ctb just as much as I'm scared it'll hurt.
 
Halo13

Halo13

Wizard
May 9, 2019
671
The first time with opiates and benzos, and the second time with the Amitriptyline cocktail.


Wow, 3 months. I can't imagine being in a coma that long.
It was brutal. I wonder why they just didn't pull the plug. I just figure from a practical standpoint, pretty expensive to keep someone alive with multiple suicide attempts and I just laid there. I was also told I attacked a nurse. The closer I came out of it, I began having vivid hallucinations. The nurse explained I was strapped down because I tried to grab a syringe to inject air into my IV. Needless to say, long trip to the psych ward after that one.

I had taken a combination of a barbiturate (soma), benzo (Xanax), another benzo (ambien), oxycodone, either thorazine or Seroquel, with a bottle of vodka. I'd been saving them up for months so I had bottles of it. Took handfuls, drank, more pills, drank. Didn't puke as I was a heavy drinker.
Wow... Can you tell me about how you felt after or how you are now? What was it life facing fmaily and friends... I'm so scared I'll survive if I try to ctb just as much as I'm scared it'll hurt.
At that point, I was such a wreck I only had one friend and one family member. Both were mostly afraid I'd do it again. I felt like a total failure. Nowadays, I realize it was a failure because of poor planning. If someone can find you soon, it'll probably be a failure. I'd say had I been left alone just another hour or so, it would've worked.

About pain: if you meant physically, I felt no pain as I blacked out. Afterwards, I could barely walk. Mentally, I never felt that same hopelessness, like it killed off the ability to care. I've never felt the same type of gut wrenching spiral of hopelessness because it left me numb in many ways. Could be brain damage, I don't know honestly.

It is okay to feel afraid. Ctb is scary in of itself.
 
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F

Fadingfast

Come in peace, go in peace
May 9, 2019
106
I was hit by a car and run over in October 2011. I was on the interstate in Atlanta, Georgia so the cars were driving at 65 mph or more. I rear ender a car and when I got out to check on the other people a jeep hit me, threw me across 3 lanes of taffic and a Honda ran me over. I remember opening my eyes, seeing a bridge and then being at peace. I remeber feeling insanely nauseous in the back of the ambulance. I woke up in recovery in so much pain and very upset that they saved me.
 
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editredit22

Member
Jan 11, 2019
32
I was hit by a car and run over in October 2011. I was on the interstate in Atlanta, Georgia so the cars were driving at 65 mph or more. I rear ender a car and when I got out to check on the other people a jeep hit me, threw me across 3 lanes of taffic and a Honda ran me over. I remember opening my eyes, seeing a bridge and then being at peace. I remeber feeling insanely nauseous in the back of the ambulance. I woke up in recovery in so much pain and very upset that they saved me.
Are you physically disabled. That's so scary. Why is life so scary?
 
F

Fadingfast

Come in peace, go in peace
May 9, 2019
106
Are you physically disabled. That's so scary. Why is life so scary?

Some how I only broke a finger, nose, toe, a ribs and had severe road rash. I sustained a traumatic brain injury from a fractured skull as well... Later I was diagnosed schizoaffective and bipolar. I'll never find someone to be with so I'll be psychotic and alone for the rest of my life. I have terrible rounds of psychosis and depression. I'd just rather not feel this anymore.
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
Wow... Can you tell me about how you felt after or how you are now? What was it life facing fmaily and friends... I'm so scared I'll survive if I try to ctb just as much as I'm scared it'll hurt.
I wrote about the experience in this thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/chloroquine-100mg-diazepam.14826/
My parents (the only people in my life) were sad, but they know of my suicidal ideation and I've made attempts before. Fear of it failing is my only fear now.
It was brutal. I wonder why they just didn't pull the plug. I just figure from a practical standpoint, pretty expensive to keep someone alive with multiple suicide attempts and I just laid there. I was also told I attacked a nurse. The closer I came out of it, I began having vivid hallucinations. The nurse explained I was strapped down because I tried to grab a syringe to inject air into my IV. Needless to say, long trip to the psych ward after that one.

I had taken a combination of a barbiturate (soma), benzo (Xanax), another benzo (ambien), oxycodone, either thorazine or Seroquel, with a bottle of vodka. I'd been saving them up for months so I had bottles of it. Took handfuls, drank, more pills, drank. Didn't puke as I was a heavy drinker.


At that point, I was such a wreck I only had one friend and one family member. Both were mostly afraid I'd do it again. I felt like a total failure. Nowadays, I realize it was a failure because of poor planning. If someone can find you soon, it'll probably be a failure. I'd say had I been left alone just another hour or so, it would've worked.

About pain: if you meant physically, I felt no pain as I blacked out. Afterwards, I could barely walk. Mentally, I never felt that same hopelessness, like it killed off the ability to care. I've never felt the same type of gut wrenching spiral of hopelessness because it left me numb in many ways. Could be brain damage, I don't know honestly.

It is okay to feel afraid. Ctb is scary in of itself.

Sorry you had to go through this. I know the disappointment of saving for months and having the attempt fail. I also was able to keep a bottle of Vodka down without puking, but I seem to have a high tolerance despite not drinking a lot. I wonder how long they can legally keep someone in a coma depending on the country you live in? I have read about cases of people being kept in a coma for years.
 
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Mort

Mort

No use to know one
Feb 15, 2019
622
Hit by a car when I was a lot younger they say i went over the bonnet over the roof and landed behind thr car on the road . I flat line on the spot but sum one new C P R keep me going untill the paramedics turn up was dead for about five minutes. I was 14 at the time the onley thing i can remember they was no pain no sounds was not warm or cold it was sort of dark and light at the same time . What got me the most was how peaceful its i never felt any like it not before or after i think i bin chasing that feeling all my life now. I just so depress when i get close to ending my life but my instinct kicks in and I bottle it get so mad last time i punch a wall and busted most of the bones in my hand. So got more pain now :( well they my little story :D
 

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