Story Near Death Experience (?)

[PurposeDeficiency]

I planned to CTB in January/February. Today dates 12/02/2021 and I'm still alive. What happened during the end of December is that I got into spirituality and found a lot of answers. I'd say I have a very good external life but what drove me to suicide was that I didn't understand life at all. Loads of made-up, superficial ideas broke down and I had nothing left, just eternal confusion and hopelessness.

Last night I dreamt about uncontrolled fire, one of my greatest fears, dealt with my alcoholism and immense amounts of anger. You could say it was a symbolic and meaningful dream, yet nothing I hadn't experienced before. Just releasing emotions I had previously suppressed.

However, this dream sort of dissolved and turned into an experience that didn't feel like a dream anymore. It felt very real. I was floating through a white, blinding tunnel, the galaxy at the end of it. I heard a voice that told me I was about to enter a different state and it would effect others people aswell. I was curious so I let myself dive deeper into this trance, until my heart started beating really fast and I heard a frequency similar to those in hospitals when your heartbeat stops. I knew I was going to die, unless I decided not to. I did eventually decide to stop diving deeper. I woke up, heartbeat still fairly fast and sweating.

I don't know if I've gone insane and I'm just interpreting too much into a regular dream. But I don't think it was coincidental that it happened and that it happened at this point in time. I've got the feeling today was the day I would've CTBd if my path hadn't changed in December. That's why I was given this final choice to leave or to stay. I wonder if I would've actually died in my sleep by heart attack if I didn't decide against it. I definitely would have chosen to let myself fall deeper a few months ago. But now I'll never know what would have happened...

(Thanks for reading, I know this sounds a bit bonkers but if anyone in my life could understand, it's you guys. I'm probably going to disable my account soon. I feel like I've regained some purpose and want this to be a symbol of that. Surely, I'll still check in sometimes as a guest, though. It does interest me how you're doing. I wish you all peace. Goodbye <3)

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

These answers, could you share them?

 

[PurposeDeficiency]

These answers, could you share them?

Sure. As to the purpose of life, I feel since all beings have in common that we are concious, that is our nature. The conciousness/higher self/God, whatever you want to call it split itself into our human life because in and of itself conciousness is formless and thus can't experience itself.

We basically all come from the same source but have unique experiences we can experience and learn from. So the purpose is to just be and experience. Which will always ultimately lead to better understanding of our nature and being able to lead a life in alignment. Evolution is necessary to evolve and life is sort of like an experiment, so obviously there will be mistakes on humankinds journey.

In my darkest days I gave up and couldn't handle resisting all my pain anymore. I let myself feel the pain fully and stopped wallowing in self pity and so on. I never expected that this would make me feel better, but letting my guard down is what made me feel good again. That's why I can look back on all this pain now and understand that these experiences all had the purpose of teaching me these lessons.

If youve been hurt by other peoples doing, it might help to learn about forgiveness, understanding that people do harmfull things out of their own suffering and misunderstandings of reality. This isn't about disregarding any experiences but to learn how to heal from them.

I can't talk about all of it like this, it's a lot. But what helped me to understand my past and move onwards was shadow work, Aaron Abke on Youtube and binaural beats. Can definitely recommend it. Hope this helps.

 

[heliumornitrogen]

I am also Spiritual and have researched NDE´s in depth and the evidence of life after death is overwhelming. Did you get a feeling of unconditional love and peace as where you were travelling towards the light? Usually people who experience NDE´s are involved in some type of life threatening accident prior to their experience, however anything is possible Spiritually speaking. I´m glad that Spirituality has helped you reconsider. Unlike organised religion there is no such thing as "sin" in Spirituality, we are all eternal souls having a human experience, so there is no judgement for the person that chooses to transition themselves. That personally gives me a lot of comfort.

 

[PurposeDeficiency]

I am also Spiritual and have researched NDE´s in depth and the evidence of life after death is overwhelming. Did you get a feeling of unconditional love and peace as where you were travelling towards the light? Usually people who experience NDE´s are involved in some type of life threatening accident prior to their experience, however anything is possible Spiritually speaking. I´m glad that Spirituality has helped you reconsider. Unlike organised religion there is no such thing as "sin" in Spirituality, we are all eternal souls having a human experience, so there is no judgement for the person that chooses to transition themselves. That personally gives me a lot of comfort.

I did get a feeling of love and peace yet not as strongly as in March. I was close to attempting back then (I didn't just 'cause my plan turned out to be shite and because of some external circumstances). I was around 90 percent sure that I'd die that day. I felt this sense of unconditional love and peace very strongly that evening. This time I suppose it was weaker because I hadn't really decided if I was to return to the creator or not, yet.

 

[heliumornitrogen]

I did get a feeling of love and peace yet not as strongly as in March. I was close to attempting back then (I didn't just 'cause my plan turned out to be shite and because of some external circumstances). I was around 90 percent sure that I'd die that day. I felt this sense of unconditional love and peace very strongly that evening. This time I suppose it was weaker because I hadn't really decided if I was to return to the creator or not, yet.

Sadly I´ve never had any personal experiences like that except when going through a Medium. I´ve had great evidential readings from Mediums though.

 

[Mentalmick]

I was near death at Christmas and didn't experience anything. Typical.

 

[262653]

shadow work

Ah, thanks for the reminder. This software allows us to access the normally inaccessible parts of our psyche. Very good stuff.

I've had a similar experience which easily fits the category of "near-death" except... it was an ordinary dream recalled after an ordinary night. away from any apparent dangers.

I was about to get killed by an atomic explosion, and then... I saw the sun. I looked at it, and it didn't blind my eyes. Everything was of a bright orange color. The kind you'll see looking at the sun with your eyes closed. I was very close to it, and eventually uniting with it, but it didn't burn. Instead I felt the pleasant warmth equally distributed throughout my body, I could feel it caressing my bones. It warmed both my body and my mind/soul/spirit. Probably the most satisfying experience in my lifetime, definitely the most satisfying that I can recall.

I never expected that this would make me feel better, but letting my guard down is what made me feel good again.

"Always be on your guard, otherwise you may learn something."