WhatDoesTheFoxSay?
Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher
- Dec 25, 2020
- 1,113
I have ranted at length about my narcissistic father here on this forum. For convenience, I will refer to him as Nfather here. Nfather and I are still living under the same roof, but I am currently grey rocking him (I have done so since the start of the Pandemic), and I have blocked all forms of electronic communication. However, one thing that remains is that I still keep having vivid dreams of conflict and confrontation with him to this day.
I had yet another one of those dreams last night. In it, I was watching myself from the third person. The me in my dream was about to fall asleep in bed when an anxious Nfather barged in and started to shake me up violently. For what exact reason I could not remember, but I have no doubt it was over something trivial. This happened for a total of two times. The first, I remember being mildly annoyed and going back to bed almost immediately after. The second, however, I flew into a rage and was hurling profanities in his face as if possessed by a demon. Strangely, even though anger was written all over his face, he just stood there and took it, seemingly powerless to stop the verbal onslaught.
I think it was no coincidence that Nfather came down with Covid yesterday. Nfather has cried wolf from health anxiety many times throughout the course of my life. As a child, this caused me a great deal of distress, but over time, I have grown desensitised from the frequent alarms, in a phenomenon they call "alert fatigue.". Perhaps someone or something was trying to warn me against letting my guard down and falling into the trap, and then getting used and discarded like before.
I had yet another one of those dreams last night. In it, I was watching myself from the third person. The me in my dream was about to fall asleep in bed when an anxious Nfather barged in and started to shake me up violently. For what exact reason I could not remember, but I have no doubt it was over something trivial. This happened for a total of two times. The first, I remember being mildly annoyed and going back to bed almost immediately after. The second, however, I flew into a rage and was hurling profanities in his face as if possessed by a demon. Strangely, even though anger was written all over his face, he just stood there and took it, seemingly powerless to stop the verbal onslaught.
I think it was no coincidence that Nfather came down with Covid yesterday. Nfather has cried wolf from health anxiety many times throughout the course of my life. As a child, this caused me a great deal of distress, but over time, I have grown desensitised from the frequent alarms, in a phenomenon they call "alert fatigue.". Perhaps someone or something was trying to warn me against letting my guard down and falling into the trap, and then getting used and discarded like before.
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