3 Bottles of N came in last month. I was trying to find someone to do it with, but didn't find anyone. Will be gone by end of week. This really is a great community. I wish you guys well.
BigGimpin
Student
- Mar 24, 2022
- 127
Good luck my friend, tomorrow (Tuesday) at 10pm I shall join the great gig in the sky.
I wish you safe travels.
I wish you safe travels.
BigGimpin
Student
- Mar 24, 2022
- 127
Red Scare
Wizard
- Mar 1, 2022
- 647
Damn, so soon? I read your other thread, and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I wasn't sure if you were going to try and find a better doctor, or if that's just it?
I'll be following you guys soon, maybe by the end of the month. I can't bare to see another birthday. Your comment inspires me to want to listen to dark side of the moon as I drift to sleep. Can't think of a more fitting album.
I'll see you guys on the dark side of the moon.
I am with you on this.I have a bday this month and dont plan on seeing it
Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,206
Welcome to the N club. It just feels good to have something (never thought I would get it) that can put me to sleep at the time of my choosing. I am sure you feel the same. But, I can't say I am completely at peace with it all. I know I should be, but it is still hard to let go and then face the unknown. Anybody feel the same?
BrokenBliss
Invisible. Apparently.
- Jan 11, 2022
- 522
Yes. I do not want to die, but either the pain will be too much or my hand will be forced by the medical community. I realized this a couple months ago and knew I needed to be prepared when that day came. It makes me so sad that life has turned out this way. It's not what I want at all. My injury changed everything.
@paulstrong I know that's not what you were asking exactly, but the physical realities are overriding my beliefs or questions about what comes after. I have guilt and some fear, but I've made peace with my concerns because I truly feel there is no longer any choice about the matter. I will run out of options soon and that will close the book on it for me.
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Red Scare
Wizard
- Mar 1, 2022
- 647
I can say that I found the idea of the finality of it all to be a little off putting. Once you drink it, that's it. No going back.
And as depressed as I am, it hit me that dying would mean I'll be giving up the opportunity of experiencing any more pleasure, and I mean that in a purely hedonistic sense. I know I won't exist anymore or be aware of anything, but in a way I am preemptively grieving the thought that I'm giving up the ability to ever get high again, or getting drunk, the feeling of being blissfully fucked up. Even when I'm depressed, opiates almost make it alright and I thought instead of dying, what if I just spent the rest of my time here fucked up. But that's just nostalgia. I also remember how shitty it is, running out of drugs, seeking out drugs, dealing with drug addicts, and police. There's a lot of downsides.
Never getting to listen to music again, or watch a good film, or going to the beach, never being able to see more of the world.
C'est la vie.
BigGimpin
Student
- Mar 24, 2022
- 127
Damn.......I can relate to every word in your post! I am just a little over 24hours from checking out and my mind is overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings. Its the "I dont want to die, but I can not live like this!" deal. With every good there is a bad and its very frustrating.
I wish you all the best and support your decisions, may you find peace.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 44,979
I can imagine that it must be so comforting to have the option of N, I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering in whatever happens.
wljourney
Waiting for the bus
- Apr 2, 2022
- 1,419
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,158
