My time might be coming...

[justfloating]

So I've been suicidal for a while now and more recently I've been obsessing about actually ending it. I've written notes on how I want my funeral, what I want to happen after my death, I've written my most important suicide note, and I've finally found my method.

The thing that has been putting me off is that I have been waiting for a conversation with someone, this will either make thing take a turn for the better, or it will consolidate the pain I feel everyday. I have absolutely no control over this because it all lies in the hands of a person I wholeheartedly love, but may have pushed to far during this 'bad mental health period'. He isn't going to have any clue about my plans because thats just putting him though even more pain, I'm not going to directly blame him as its cruel, but I think he will know his choices chose my fate. I think he'll be sad because no-one wants anyone to die, but if he doesn't care enough to save me from the pain why would he care what I do.

I'm so nervous to have this conversation because I don't want to die but I cant live any longer with the pain I've been feeling so there isn't going to be another option, and I've tried so hard to be happy but 'fake it till you make it' isn't working for me.

It's just so crazy to me that I might actually have a date

 

[theguineapigking]

I'm very sorry. I hope really the call goes well. I hope everything works out for you.


If you need to talk at all,I'm here. Best wishes.

 

[Anon2662]

It shows what a good person you are that you haven't told him of your plans to save home from 'even more pain'. I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed that the conversation goes the way you want it to!