VKVK
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- Oct 18, 2021
- 112
Hope wavering, "recovery" clearly not working, can't see much at the end of the tunnel even if I were to get my life back together. I think now that maybe, maybe it was always supposed to be like this. But I've been having trouble truly accepting it because oh how it hurts. How it hurts...
I have every medicine I need, including the SN. Got some prop powder already that I smashed last week since I thought I'd finally go but didn't however I don't know if prop powder in ambient conditions will weaken or nullify its efficacy so I have more to smash in case anyway.
I hope you are all alright. I used to post more here on SS but I just feel so alone, despicable and miserable regardless... however some of you do understand the pain so I can't bitch.
Sometimes I daydream and wish I could go work a shit job in a 'first-world' country like the US just to get away from my past, my family and my loneliness. Maybe I could even get in better shape again working a manual job. I feel dead, and for good reason. I also don't believe there's an easy way out of this predicament for me and the panic attacks are brutal and I keep feeling like this despite any meds. No meds can give you a loving family or rewrite your psychological trauma. It's tough to admit I'm nothing and was always going to be nothing but in the end it's ok I think. I can express my thoughts here while I don't drink the salty concoction.
My bad for the shitty english. I love you all. I'm sorry for the bad luck you all had in life.
I have every medicine I need, including the SN. Got some prop powder already that I smashed last week since I thought I'd finally go but didn't however I don't know if prop powder in ambient conditions will weaken or nullify its efficacy so I have more to smash in case anyway.
I hope you are all alright. I used to post more here on SS but I just feel so alone, despicable and miserable regardless... however some of you do understand the pain so I can't bitch.
Sometimes I daydream and wish I could go work a shit job in a 'first-world' country like the US just to get away from my past, my family and my loneliness. Maybe I could even get in better shape again working a manual job. I feel dead, and for good reason. I also don't believe there's an easy way out of this predicament for me and the panic attacks are brutal and I keep feeling like this despite any meds. No meds can give you a loving family or rewrite your psychological trauma. It's tough to admit I'm nothing and was always going to be nothing but in the end it's ok I think. I can express my thoughts here while I don't drink the salty concoction.
My bad for the shitty english. I love you all. I'm sorry for the bad luck you all had in life.