Venting My thoughts on failed and successful attempts being that I've failed a lot....

[Reishi]

Biologically, humans are stubborn machines. Redundancy everywhere. Two lungs, two kidneys, backup blood flow, clotting systems, immune systems that panic and overcorrect itself. The body is basically a paranoid survivalist. Even when one system fails, others scramble to keep the lights on. That's why medicine exists. If dying was easy, hospitals would be museums.
Logistically, death and in this case suicide usually requires a precise alignment of timing, vulnerability, and lack of intervention. Miss one variable and the body adapts, stalls, half-fails and leaves someone alive but damaged.
Two people can experience the same method of suicide and have opposite outcomes because biology is unfair. Survival often comes down to dumb luck, not willpower or meaning or destiny. Humans misjudge lethality. We're bad at intuitively grasping how resilient or fragile bodies are ... not putting forth enough to make sure the job is done properly.

That's why it's always best to do research on methods and determining what's the right way to ctb instead of impulsively making attempts like I myself often do.
I'm constantly learning from my past experiences with suicide and using them to forge a way out...

 

[amor.dor]

I very much agree with your text. Our body tries to keep us alive even in the face of terminal illnesses; it's torture. In the mental field—I speak from personal experience here—I have the sensation that I'm leaving something behind, but I feel there's nothing left to see. It amazes me how our mind invents excuses for us not to commit suicide, when logically everything tells me the opposite. The only thing I've noticed with age is that life is repetition and wear and tear. I can earn more, have a better house, a better job, but the wear always increases, and so does the boredom. I know my health won't improve, nor my beauty, nor my youth—on the contrary, it's a slow wearing down until the body can't take it anymore. I don't see any reason to wait for an illness or a surprise death in the future. But as the philosopher already said:

"Hope is the last evil; it is the worst of evils, because it prolongs the torment." — Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[Reishi]

I very much agree with your text. Our body tries to keep us alive even in the face of terminal illnesses; it's torture. In the mental field—I speak from personal experience here—I have the sensation that I'm leaving something behind, but I feel there's nothing left to see. It amazes me how our mind invents excuses for us not to commit suicide, when logically everything tells me the opposite. The only thing I've noticed with age is that life is repetition and wear and tear. I can earn more, have a better house, a better job, but the wear always increases, and so does the boredom. I know my health won't improve, nor my beauty, nor my youth—on the contrary, it's a slow wearing down until the body can't take it anymore. I don't see any reason to wait for an illness or a surprise death in the future. But as the philosopher already said:

"Hope is the last evil; it is the worst of evils, because it prolongs the torment." — Friedrich Nietzsche

I like you , you're super cool . You took so many words right out of my mouth...

 

[Deepdense]

You're so persistent for something so harmful. I wish you were more dedicated to something else.

 

[Reishi]

You're so persistent for something so harmful. I wish you were more dedicated to something else.

That's rude

 

[Dot]

You're so persistent for something so harmful. I wish you were more dedicated to something else.

Hve u lookd @ th/ nme of th/ webste u joind

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

It seems some users are getting nervous that this user is repeating failed attempts. I understand the feeling, but there are many ways to express the concern without being rude or you can just ignore the comments by the site feature. Everyone has the right to fail.

I have tried to tell about my worry but OP was defensive. I'm sorry for what OP is struggling with but I'm really afraid that more and more members will start to feel unconfortable about the repeated CTB attempts.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

You're so persistent for something so harmful. I wish you were more dedicated to something else.

 

[Baisley]

I don't think the OP is repeating the same attempts .I think they have tried probably over the years several different attempts. They are on a SS site for a reason. Not everyone wants to be saved. Sometimes you need to fail in order to get an attempt right eventually. What do you do when you want outta this life and fail an attempt? I think most people would try something again. Either way everyone can agree to disagree. We don't need to be rude because someone has a different view point though.

 

[Dot]

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Tht epsde ws brutl

 

[Forveleth]

Biologically, humans are stubborn machines. Redundancy everywhere. Two lungs, two kidneys, backup blood flow, clotting systems, immune systems that panic and overcorrect itself. The body is basically a paranoid survivalist. Even when one system fails, others scramble to keep the lights on. That's why medicine exists. If dying was easy, hospitals would be museums.
Logistically, death and in this case suicide usually requires a precise alignment of timing, vulnerability, and lack of intervention. Miss one variable and the body adapts, stalls, half-fails and leaves someone alive but damaged.
Two people can experience the same method of suicide and have opposite outcomes because biology is unfair. Survival often comes down to dumb luck, not willpower or meaning or destiny. Humans misjudge lethality. We're bad at intuitively grasping how resilient or fragile bodies are ... not putting forth enough to make sure the job is done properly.

That's why it's always best to do research on methods and determining what's the right way to ctb instead of impulsively making attempts like I myself often do.
I'm constantly learning from my past experiences with suicide and using them to forge a way out...

Very well said. I used to respond with something similar to every "Why is dying so hard?" or "Will [very non-lethal method] work?" threads before I got tired of typing the same response multiple times/day. Maybe I'll bookmark your post and just link to it. Much faster than typing.

 

[Reishi]

I don't think the OP is repeating the same attempts .I think they have tried probably over the years several different attempts. They are on a SS site for a reason. Not everyone wants to be saved. Sometimes you need to fail in order to get an attempt right eventually. What do you do when you want outta this life and fail an attempt? I think most people would try something again. Either way everyone can agree to disagree. We don't need to be rude because someone has a different view point though.

I've tried a lot of different methods... I don't always keep doing the same shit over and over.
I'm learning what my npdy can take and what it's not so great at taking.

 

[Terrible_Life]

You posted a hanging set up on a tree once and I am 100% sure you would have died on that set up but I understand if you're too afraid of doing full hanging its very scary especially once you kick the chair away then theres no return.

 

[Reishi]

You posted a hanging set up on a tree once and I am 100% sure you would have died on that set up but I understand if you're too afraid of doing full hanging its very scary especially once you kick the chair away then theres no return.

The rope I was using for it got extremely wet so I had to figure something else out.

 

[Steph99]

You posted a hanging set up on a tree once and I am 100% sure you would have died on that set up but I understand if you're too afraid of doing full hanging its very scary especially once you kick the chair away then theres no return.

That's exactly right. Hanging is easy once you kick the chair away as virtually 100% chance of dying. But kicking the chair away is hard...

 

[Reishi]

It seems some users are getting nervous that this user is repeating failed attempts. I understand the feeling, but there are many ways to express the concern without being rude or you can just ignore the comments by the site feature. Everyone has the right to fail.

I have tried to tell about my worry but OP was defensive. I'm sorry for what OP is struggling with but I'm really afraid that more and more members will start to feel unconfortable about the repeated CTB attempts.

Can you seriously take your own advice and ignore my post and comments and just leave me alone , all you do is complain about my attempts everytime I make a post ... no one else does expect for you and one other person and they've learned to leave me be.You're not the only one whose mad that I'm not dead , you think I want to still be here??? I've been through enough and I want out but I've learned to take a step back and reevaluate... death isn't easy and it shouldn't be treated as a easy task to accomplish.

Once you've faced death and you know how it feels to have your heart restarted and you've had your ribs broken on several occasions because of CPR... you hesitant. So of course I've slipped and I've failed a lot. ... I don't exactly have people in my life who generally care like they should and I have overbearing emotions and mental issues that I can't regulate properly which really pushes me into impulsive actions.I give advice to people because I've been in and out of the hospital and learned where I went wrong ... and I have medical knowledge and experience from working both as a ER assistant nurse and a Mortician Assistant.


I'm also not the only person on this forum whose had repeat attempts... I just so happen to talk about it openly because I'm not afraid to point out my faults and failings so others can learn from them and find their own peace...I just so happened to make more attempts earlier in my life when I was a child and a teenager when i wasn't aware of how hard it was to die and the number sadly added up after I lost a lot of people I cared for.

I'm figuring out a way to ctb and with time I will because I want to die by my own hands , but it doesn't help to see you constantly pointing out how many times I've fucked it all up and making claims that I make other people uncomfortable when you've been the only person who is actively talking about it when no one else is ... so please, PLEASE! Leave me be and stop bothering me about this!

 

[Terrible_Life]

That's exactly right. Hanging is easy once you kick the chair away as virtually 100% chance of dying. But kicking the chair away is hard...

Yes you're right. I hope I'll be able to succeed with my full hanging attempt. Although I have so many reasons to just do it and free myself from this nightmare I am still so afraid. This just doesn't make sense considering the fact that here on this world is absolutely nothing left that i'd like and be happy for it.

 

[Deepdense]

That's rude

Sorry you're offended.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Can you seriously take your own advice and ignore my post and comments and just leave me alone , all you do is complain about my attempts everytime I make a post ... no one else does expect for you and one other person and they've learned to leave me be.You're not the only one whose mad that I'm not dead , you think I want to still be here??? I've been through enough and I want out but I've learned to take a step back and reevaluate... death isn't easy and it shouldn't be treated as a easy task to accomplish.

Once you've faced death and you know how it feels to have your heart restarted and you've had your ribs broken on several occasions because of CPR... you hesitant. So of course I've slipped and I've failed a lot. ... I don't exactly have people in my life who generally care like they should and I have overbearing emotions and mental issues that I can't regulate properly which really pushes me into impulsive actions.I give advice to people because I've been in and out of the hospital and learned where I went wrong ... and I have medical knowledge and experience from working both as a ER assistant nurse and a Mortician Assistant.


I'm also not the only person on this forum whose had repeat attempts... I just so happen to talk about it openly because I'm not afraid to point out my faults and failings so others can learn from them and find their own peace...I just so happened to make more attempts earlier in my life when I was a child and a teenager when i wasn't aware of how hard it was to die and the number sadly added up after I lost a lot of people I cared for.

I'm figuring out a way to ctb and with time I will because I want to die by my own hands , but it doesn't help to see you constantly pointing out how many times I've fucked it all up and making claims that I make other people uncomfortable when you've been the only person who is actively talking about it when no one else is ... so please, PLEASE! Leave me be and stop bothering me about this!

I totally agree that death is not a easy task and it should not be impulsively attempted. And I know your suffering all the attempts have given you is beyond what my words can relieve. So I can't get the point of your remarks that you bought a potentially insufficient amount of charcoal while you were asking about the required amount, and said "fuck protocol" and imply the second attempt without taking measures against nausea though you told the first(?) SN attempt didn't go well because of puking. Of course your decision is yours no matter what it is. But every decision goes with responsibility and cost. I cannot look at your medical bills (it seems you've deleted the thread for some reason) because those weren't brought by my choice. One of the reason why I keep posting on SaSu is to steer members, especially newcomers, to avoiding dangerous and unlikely attempts and resulting consequences you know. There are so many members who have very limited chances to CTB and need to succeed in one go.

I will leave comments on your threads when someone is troubled, in order to calm those who are irritated with your attempts like what happened on this thread so that they'll not get warned or banned, or provide neutral information to those who have fear and skepticism on the method you attempted and failed. I understand you don't need my help but I want to help other members who might need. I'm not forcing you to read my comment nor open spoilers in it.