Venting My therapist told me my suicidal ideation is ‘just fantasy’

[Daisy Chain]

I'm in a 3 day a week programme of therapy for EUPD and I had asked another member to ctb with me.. and I got a written warning from my psychotherapist for doing that. And then she said to me.. that to some people suicide is a real thing but she thinks to me it's just fantasy. And all I've done since is wonder if it's true? Would I jump off a cliff? Would I take SN? I want to so badly and I want peace. I walked out of therapy today, took 10mg diazepam and am sitting in a public toilet drinking JD and cutting. Is that all I can do as I have no fucking balls to actually kill myself? I just want to prove her wrong

 

[LoveYoux]

Sounds like a pretty shit therapist
I was recovering from my alcohol addiction and my psychologist ended up making me drink for the same reasons, that sort of reverse psychology 'just to prove her wrong', ended up hospitalised (again)

I hope the diazepam and the serenity help you get through the immediate, feel free to PM if you need to x

 

[Daisy Chain]

Sounds like a pretty shit therapist
I was recovering from my alcohol addiction and my psychologist ended up making me drink for the same reasons, that sort of reverse psychology 'just to prove her wrong', ended up hospitalised (again)

I hope the diazepam and the serenity help you get through the immediate, feel free to PM if you need to x

Thank you so much

 

[FindingTheEnd]

Well. I think everyone is ultimately scared of dying, and the process of it too, hurting, vomiting, surviving can be worse. But i do not see what all those fears have to do with what push peoples to ctb ~ sadness,emptiness and all those other things that are very real.

So your therapist was wrong to tell you that in my opinion, maybe because your therapist never have been suicidal itself.

 

[lostmyacc]

I do not think you should strive to prove her wrong. Maybe think about what they said. She has made a judgment call based upon their encounter with you.

From personal experience most of my suicidal ideation in my life has just been escapism. A way to plan an escape from a life of pain.
Maybe they think this is your case, if it's not discount what she said and look for another therapist.

 

[Lost Magic]

Sometimes suicide ideation never leads to actual suicide. It's because this is all we know and we are hard-wired to survive. Saying that many do get to the point of no return and go through with ending it. It is a phycological mind fuck to feel suicidal and a lot of people (including therapists) don't understand what it is like to feel this low.

 

[Daisy Chain]

I do not think you should strive to prove her wrong. Maybe think about what they said. She has made a judgment call based upon their encounter with you.

From personal experience most of my suicidal ideation in my life has just been escapism. A way to plan an escape from a life of pain.
Maybe they think this is your case, if it's not discount what she said and look for another therapist.

I do understand what you mean x

 

[Superdeterminist]

Personally if I felt serious about ctb, I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that, I wouldn't talk to them after that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Find that attitude so dismissive of what you are feeling. Maybe there are different levels of suicidal ideation but surely it all starts out as a fantasy.

I'm not so sure I'll ever have the guts to finally go through with it but isn't it bad enough that things feel so shit to us that we would even think about it? I am so sorry you have had this experience.

 

[Hopeless_brat]

Find that attitude so dismissive of what you are feeling. Maybe there are different levels of suicidal ideation but surely it all starts out as a fantasy.

I'm not so sure I'll ever have the guts to finally go through with it but isn't it bad enough that things feel so shit to us that we would even think about it? I am so sorry you have had this experience.

Your name is what i desire , to sleep forever and never wake up

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

In some cases it is fantasy. In my case it is. I haven't lifted a finger towards doing anything. But in other cases, it's more then fantasy and should not be so easily dismissed.

 

[FuneralCry]

The therapist is not living your life, so they cannot ever really understand how you feel and what you are going through. After all, only you know if suicide is the right thing for yourself and others have no say in it. To me, it is quite invalidating saying something like that. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I also want to be free from this life.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I'm in a 3 day a week programme of therapy for EUPD and I had asked another member to ctb with me.. and I got a written warning from my psychotherapist for doing that. And then she said to me.. that to some people suicide is a real thing but she thinks to me it's just fantasy.

That's actually a blessing in disguise. Your the\rapist not taking your suicide ideation seriously means she's not a danger to your freedom. Namely, she won't have you arrested for being suicidal, as she thinks your suicidal thoughts "aren't real". Don't let her statement push you to CTB just to stick it to her, but also realize you dodged a bullet (pun intended). She had the power to destroy you, but she didn't, even if out of her own stupidity.

Take it a lesson learned. Don't talk to her about suicide. Don't talk to other program members about suicide. Anything you do, do it yourself.

 

[Alnilam]

Find that attitude so dismissive of what you are feeling. Maybe there are different levels of suicidal ideation but surely it all starts out as a fantasy.

I'm not so sure I'll ever have the guts to finally go through with it but isn't it bad enough that things feel so shit to us that we would even think about it? I am so sorry you have had this experience.

I wish I had the guts too, I just wish I knew someone who thought like me to go through with it with. I'm scared of dying alone because I'm scared of what the afterlife may be like, the uncertainty of waking up on the other side alone--and enduring whatever it may be waiting there is terrifying. But it'd be comforting to think that at least I wont experience it alone, though I doubt I'll ever find someone like that whose levelheaded and who I could trust. Though it's also a comfort to know that--if things get too bad in real, I could just take a leap of faith and end it at anytime.

 

[Himalayan]

Since the name is crossed, i assume this person proved the therapist wrong?

 

[theboy]

I think you misinterpreted the therapist's words.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wish I had the guts too, I just wish I knew someone who thought like me to go through with it with. I'm scared of dying alone because I'm scared of what the afterlife may be like, the uncertainty of waking up on the other side alone--and enduring whatever it may be waiting there is terrifying. But it'd be comforting to think that at least I wont experience it alone, though I doubt I'll ever find someone like that whose levelheaded and who I could trust. Though it's also a comfort to know that--if things get too bad in real, I could just take a leap of faith and end it at anytime.

I guess fear is keeping a lot of us here- although I agree with you- the thought that I could just end it if (more like when) things get too bad has always comforted me.

It must be difficult not wanting to die alone. Personally I could see the appeal if it were some sort of spontaneous disaster- a plane crash or natural disaster- the feeling that you're all in it together. Still, when it comes to ctb, I'm not sure I would find it comforting to have someone else there. Probably the pessimist in me but I just envisage all the things that could go wrong. I guess I've lived my life largely alone, so it would make sense for me to die alone too.

Interesting thought about the afterlife- I guess again, I don't have something terribly pleasant in mind! If there really is one. I imagine some sort of judgement- which I would have thought you would have to face alone- whether you had someone with you at the time of your passing or not. Still- what does anyone ACTUALLY know? I hope you are able to find someone.

I think people have found ctb partners on here- so I think it's possible but I also believe there have been people who have had a change of heart along the way, so you probably have to be wary. In any case, I wish you well.

 

[makethepainstop]

I'm in a 3 day a week programme of therapy for EUPD and I had asked another member to ctb with me.. and I got a written warning from my psychotherapist for doing that. And then she said to me.. that to some people suicide is a real thing but she thinks to me it's just fantasy. And all I've done since is wonder if it's true? Would I jump off a cliff? Would I take SN? I want to so badly and I want peace. I walked out of therapy today, took 10mg diazepam and am sitting in a public toilet drinking JD and cutting. Is that all I can do as I have no fucking balls to actually kill myself? I just want to prove her wrong

Now you can't do this but wouldn't it be funny if one day the therapist says the same thing to another client. Then the client jumps up and says,"My God your right! I'm not suicidal, I'M HOMICIDAL!" Then starts attacking the therapist! I