My therapist has given up on me

[Polly]

He's suggested that I give up looking fir a job and said he does not know what he can do to help me.

I can't live in the money I have so giving up on work is implicitly embracing suicide.

Please don't deluge me with suggestions of social services resources.

I've explored them thoroughly and in my county to qualify fir anything I have to give up cat, art, all of my belongings and move a shelter.

Worse than death.

Besides when your therapist gives up on you, you Should probably pay attention to what that says

 

[Cosmiq]

Just because he's a therapist doesn't mean his opinion has to be any more valuable than anyone else. You still have a choice of what to do next.

 

[Polly]

Yeah. But he's been my only support in all this. So him deciding not to support me has a big impact.

 

[Cosmiq]

Yeah. But he's been my only support in all this. So him deciding not to support me has a big impact.

I can see how that could be a huge blow, and sorry that someone that was your biggest supporter has failed you. Are you willing or have the resources to see a different therapist? It doesn't hurt to reach out and see if some might be willing to see you for low rates or something.

 

[Polly]

I'll just move along and ctb

 

[jgm63]

Just because your therapist is out of ideas, doesn't mean your issues can't be worked through...
If your therapist doesn't care enough to go the distance then I would say maybe you're better off without them.

Why not continue with your job seeking ?
We are behind you.....

What types of job are you applying for ?

 

[Sadkitty]

I'm sorry you had this happen. My favorite psychiatrist wouldn't see me again after I was committed to the hospital for suicidal ideation. Why would they suggest giving up on a job? What was their reasoning?
I too am running out of money. Only a matter of time for me to go. It's terrifying.

 

[Polly]

I hadn't been able to find a job fir a couple years before pandemic and now it will be impossible fir a long time. Si he said acceot it and give up.
It is terrifying to know it's judt a matter of time before poverty leads to death.

 

[cant cry]

Even really good therapists are wrong sometimes. They can't possibly know what's best for their client in every situation.

 

[Nobody's Daughter]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Maybe they were a bad therapist in general or just not the right one for you? Sometimes it can take a while to find the one that 'fits'.
I've had social workers and psychs give up on me in the past and would just assume that the problem is them.
It does make you feel like utter crap though when it happens. My sympathies. I hope you make the right choice for you.

 

[4eyebiped]

Everyone is not created equal. Just because someone if a doctor, therapist, computer programmer, roofer and so forth doesn't mean they are good at what they do. There is not a field that everyone has equal capabilities. You have people like Einstein, Mozart and Michelangelo who surpasses the masses. Everything comes in a huge spectrum. Truth be told most people are simply average and there are lots of cases where average simply is not enough. It is hard to find someone who truly stands out and excels at what they do.

Your therapist reached the limits of his abilities. This in no way reflects on you but instead on him. Reach out to other sources for support including this one.

 

[disconnection]

Honestly it's up to you if you give up on you, not anyone else. I totally relate tho - I couldn't cope with moving into supported housing so am living with family. Realistically I can't see me getting another job now and don't feel I'd have enough to live for if I did. So I'm also embracing ctb. But it doesn't sound like you're 100% sure you want to give up yet?

 

[jgm63]

Hopefully I don't even need to point out the important differences between a proper therapist and a supportive forum member?

Although each case is unique, I think there can be certain cases where a supportive person can be just as good as a therapist (or have I overlooked some detail, in which case I'll be happy to become better educated ?).
I would think that some therapists might be overrated, although I'm sure there are some excellent ones out there (but those are no doubt harder to come by).

 

[Tintypographer]

I'm so sorry that happened. I live with an abusive OCPd spouse. I was working with a therapist related to dealing with abuse situations and she finally gave up and kicked me from her practice. I was so down that was my attempt at suicide that was unsucfessful. She told me couldn't help, that I was crossing a boundary to contact her anymore and that I could call suicide hotline if I had any problems and that she would not be responding to me.
I'm so sorry that happened. I live with an abusive OCPd spouse. I was working with a therapist related to dealing with abuse situations and she finally gave up and kicked me from her practice. I was so down that was my attempt at suicide that was unsucfessful. She told me couldn't help, that I was crossing a boundary to contact her anymore and that I could call suicide hotline if I had any problems and that she would not be responding to me any further. It's true I was not taking steps to make changes but I feel I was moving slower but still making changes. It was and still is so hard to imagine just leaving my spouse.

 

[GirlInBlue]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through Polly...
If your method of choice is simple, maybe you could buy it and simply keep it around until the money runs out? In the mean time you could still look for a job, and you could still enjoy your cat and your art.
I don't know you of course but it seems like you still have some hope; your reasons for CTB seem like they could possibly be solved. Whatever you choose to do I hope you do well and find some peace.

 

[jgm63]

I hadn't been able to find a job fir a couple years before pandemic and now it will be impossible fir a long time. Si he said acceot it and give up.
It is terrifying to know it's judt a matter of time before poverty leads to death.

Perhaps something will turn up.....

Also, there could be some ideas in this post :
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...i-dont-know-if-i-can-do-it.31035/#post-568601

OR, these posts suggest an alternative sort of "show up and get a job" type of approach that might work in some cases :
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/if-only-my-younger-self-could-see-me-now.30702/post-562361
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/if-only-my-younger-self-could-see-me-now.30702/post-562961
Would take a bit of guts, but might just work with some people.....

 

[irreversibledamage]

Hopefully I don't even need to point out the important differences between a proper therapist and a supportive forum member?

Where's the quoted post?

 

[jgm63]

Where's the quoted post?

Seems they deleted it.

 

[William Barker]

Just feeling a little sensitive at the moment and didn't feeling like dealing with any kind of negativity whatsoever when I was only trying to be supportive.

 

[Oh so tired]

So sorry you are in this situation.
After my last suicide attempt my care coordinator threatened to discharge me from mental health services for 'not engaging' with therapy. I spoke to my GP and with his input I wasn't discharged, but it is shocking that services will give up on a person who is in distress and asking for help. Would it be worth discussing with your therapist how his giving up on you has impacted upon you? I really hope that you are able to find a solution.

 

[Polly]

Perhaps something will turn up.....

Also, there could be some ideas in this post :
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...i-dont-know-if-i-can-do-it.31035/#post-568601

OR, these posts suggest an alternative sort of "show up and get a job" type of approach that might work in some cases :
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/if-only-my-younger-self-could-see-me-now.30702/post-562361
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/if-only-my-younger-self-could-see-me-now.30702/post-562961
Would take a bit of guts, but might just work with some people.....

I appreciate the advice.

under normal circumstances I'd go with thst approach but in pandemic random people stopping by is not a welcome thing and most places where that would work are either closed or laying off people as fast as they can.

 

[jgm63]

I appreciate the advice.

under normal circumstances I'd go with thst approach but in pandemic random people stopping by is not a welcome thing and most places where that would work are either closed or laying off people as fast as they can.

Yes, that particular strategy would probably not apply until more places start re-opening.....

 

[EverdreamNW]

So i failed a suicide attempt using about 45mg of xanax, plus alcohol... plus other pills i had laying around. Spent 8 days in a psych ward after being intubated because i stopped breathing. I signed off on the hospital records to be sent to my psychiatrist... had an appointment with him two days after i got out and guess what he did? Refilled my xanax prescription EARLY because i said i was out. I said it as dark humor thinking he would understand i was out because i took the whole bottle at once the day i picked it up... but the guy didnt even bother to read the file about my overdose and pushed through an early refill on what ALMOST killed me. People are just people whether they have a degree, a doctorate or a Phd. The "give a fuck" ratio depends on the practitioner and isnt a reflection on your worth as a person. My doctor just wrote my ticket to a second chance at a suicide attempt because he didnt check on some paperwork. I plan on taking advantage of his carelessness. But thats exactly what it was, an oversight by a medical professional, not a direct mirror of the value of my life. Like i said... people are people regardless of their level of earthly educational accomplishments. He made an error because he's either burnt out or indifferent... and thats fine by me.

 

[Living sucks]

Original post now deleted was simply William Barker offering to be OP's 'therapist'.

My response was not in any way a negative assessment of William having offered support, but it was a cautious reflection on his casual use of the term 'therapist'.

There are a number of key differences between the relationship between therapist and patient and the relationship between forum members or friends. Both roles have their respective pros and cons in any given situation (agreed @jgm63), however the potential for issues arises not because of either role being fundamentally inferior, but when there is any confusion or overlap between which of these roles is actually occurring. This would especially be the case when one is moving from a therapeutic relationship with a professional to a forum discussion with a layperson where certain therapeutic attributes are claimed, either explicitly or implicitly. Accordingly, I flagged this issue in my response.

Of course this is based on the assumption that William isn't actually qualified as a therapist, but even if he were there would still be practical and ethical issues around him providing 'therapy' to a forum member in this scenario.

All this is likely overkill, odds are William simply meant to suggest 'I'm here to listen if you want to chat' and used the term 'therapist' inadvertently.

MFH. Can a fellow comrade not make a gesture to be a listening ear and phrase it in a non serious light hearted manner and not be belittled over the semantics of the defining role of a "therapist"?

of course he wasn't trying to be OPs therapist and every single person reading understood the dynamics behind the meaning of the kind "offer".

why make people feel like shit to make a point?

I'm sorry, I have not called out anyone like this for their comments but this is the 5th or 6th incident in 2 weeks where you've hurt people with your rebuttals and been called out for it, but you are unable to get the direct hints that, it's not necessarily your point, but how you deliver it.

please reflect on your words and consider how they can hurt someone who is already hurting and try to think before the next time you feel you must call someone out for something innocuous. And if you can't help yourself, use tact.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-is-my-plan-to-suicide.39529/#post-730589

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/why-has-no-one-mentioned-amitryptiline.39055/#post-723029

Who are you? Like seriously, I see you pick people apart like wtf?!
the book was outdated

Your reaction seemed very strong based solely on the cost of his book. So I asked for further clarification. I wouldn't call it 'picking people apart', and I wouldn't expect someone to have made such a strong assertion if they weren't willing to explain it.

I'm curious as to which parts did you consider were outdated exactly?

Just Ask this way first?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-splat-calculator-is-it-accurate.38153/post-709355

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/is-50-feet-high-enough.38433/post-724111

All this is likely overkill, odds are William simply meant to suggest 'I'm here to listen if you want to chat' and used the term 'therapist' inadvertently.

NO! he used the word therapist on purpose as a lighthearted Joking gesture to acknowledge the OP lost their therapist. He used the word therapist to imply a person with a listening ear... On purpose

And furthermore... the poor OPs thread got completely derailed all because you couldn't just let a kind member offer an ear.
sorry @Polly

 

[autumnal]

MFH. Can a fellow comrade not make a gesture to be a listening ear and phrase it in a non serious light hearted manner and not be belittled over the semantics of the defining role of a "therapist"?

of course he wasn't trying to be OPs therapist and every single person reading understood the dynamics behind the meaning of the kind "offer".

why make people feel like shit to make a point?

I'm sorry, I have not called out anyone like this for their comments but this is the 5th or 6th incident in 2 weeks where you've hurt people with your rebuttals and been called out for it, but you are unable to get the direct hints that, it's not necessarily your point, but how you deliver it.

please reflect on your words and consider how they can hurt someone who is already hurting and try to think before the next time you feel you must call someone out for something innocuous. And if you can't help yourself, use tact.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-is-my-plan-to-suicide.39529/#post-730589

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/why-has-no-one-mentioned-amitryptiline.39055/#post-723029

Just Ask this way first?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-splat-calculator-is-it-accurate.38153/post-709355

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/is-50-feet-high-enough.38433/post-724111

All this is likely overkill, odds are William simply meant to suggest 'I'm here to listen if you want to chat' and used the term 'therapist' inadvertently.

NO! he used the word therapist on purpose as a lighthearted Joking gesture to acknowledge the OP lost their therapist. He used the word therapist to imply a person with a listening ear... On purpose

And furthermore... the poor OPs thread got completely derailed all because you couldn't just let a kind member offer an ear.
sorry @Polly

The distinction between a friendly relationship and a therapeutic one is important and far from merely a matter of semantics. My checking with William that he understood this distinction was certainly based on caution, and perhaps a degree of professional pride, but it wasn't based upon belittling nor do I think it came across as such. Neither you or I can say with any certainty from his initial post what his intended meaning was. My response was also brief and unobtrusive to the thread as a whole, which only became (potentially) 'derailed' when other people sought further explanation and elaboration and I therefore felt obliged to give it.

 

[Pryras]

Bad therapists exist, have you considered looking for a different one?

I'm in school to become a CBT and let me tell you, not everyone is going to find success with the same therapist, it's very individual and personal. I don't like this guy and I suggest finding someone who's more compassionate and won't give up on you.

 

[Alec]

He's suggested that I give up looking fir a job and said he does not know what he can do to help me.

I can't live in the money I have so giving up on work is implicitly embracing suicide.

Please don't deluge me with suggestions of social services resources.

I've explored them thoroughly and in my county to qualify fir anything I have to give up cat, art, all of my belongings and move a shelter.

Worse than death.

Besides when your therapist gives up on you, you Should probably pay attention to what that says

He might be a therapist but he's only human too. Maybe he feels like he doesn't have what it takes to help you but it doesn't mean that another therapist won't be able to help you. Maybe you can try looking for another therapist if this one is t working out? Maybe you'll find someone capable of helping you?

Love,
—Alec.

 

[Pryras]

Let's remind ourselves that most if not all of us are here due to some pain that we've experienced and the suicidal ideations that descend from that. I think there's a way to say / question something without coming across as curt or short.

 

[Living sucks]

The distinction between a friendly relationship and a therapeutic one is important and far from merely a matter of semantics. My checking with William that he understood this distinction was certainly based on caution, and perhaps a degree of professional pride, but it wasn't based upon belittling nor do I think it came across as such. Neither you or I can say with any certainty from his initial post what his intended meaning was. My response was also brief and unobtrusive to the thread as a whole, which only became (potentially) 'derailed' when other people sought further explanation and elaboration and I therefore felt obliged to give it.

It has been mentioned on several occasions not just by me, but other members either directly or indirectly, that your words or implied memes are hurtful, negative, or belittling.
And your constant reply is what "you think" it meant, "how you intended it", even implying at times that you knew the tone in which the OP posted in. (How can anyone know this?) And insist that the OP can't possibly be hurt by your words.

But they are.
I am starting to believe that you do not possess the capacity to understand what is being pointed out to you OR to know when to use better judgment. Or to know when to just let some very small trivial things go unnoticed bcuz they harm no one. If William said something hurtful, derogatory, negative or completely factually false, then call it out.... but ffs, the nit picky technical dissection of words (when not causing harm) is so unnecessary. And actually destructive

My response was not in any way a negative assessment of William having offered support, but it was a cautious reflection on his casual use of the term 'therapist'.

All this is likely overkill, odds are William simply meant to suggest 'I'm here to listen if you want to chat' and used the term 'therapist' inadvertently.

You even knew it was overkill.... so again I ask, why make someone feel like shit to make a point?
(A point that everyone on this board already understands, but you had to explain in great detail like those reading are inept at knowing the difference between a friend and a therapist) and from the sentiments shared here, it sounds like a friend might be the better option.



"not a negative assessment of William"
He obviously felt negated enough to delete his post ... he deleted a post offering support to a member because you made him feel small for his choice of words = belittling.
It feels like you don't care at all how your words make people feel as long as you have posted an "intellectual, factual, scientific, explanation.

 

[Polly]

He might be a therapist but he's only human too. Maybe he feels like he doesn't have what it takes to help you but it doesn't mean that another therapist won't be able to help you. Maybe you can try looking for another therapist if this one is t working out? Maybe you'll find someone capable of helping you?❤❤❤

Love,
—Alec.

Guys, please bear in mind that I am running out of resources to continue so I don't have the time to either look fir a new therapist or work with them if I dint find some source of income.

He's my last therapist because I dint have the financial means to continue.

All suggestions of that kind ignore my underlying problem of total financial insolvency.