cowbain
teach me empathy
- Jul 16, 2019
- 143
disclaimer: you guys im so sorry for the negative post. i really wish i could spread more positivity here but with how my life is it's not possible currently. this was written after trying to get in contact with my grandmother and her not wanting to speak with me. this will probably be the note i leave when i ctb. i just want to be heard. so many are struggling here and i don't want to further upset anyone with my pain. i urge you to skip this if you're in a fragile place too**
I wonder what my parents will think once I'm dead...
Probably tell people that I killed myself for some bs reason.
"She was brainwashed by therapists"
"Someone on social media told her to kill herself",
"She was sick in the head" NO MOTHERFUCKERS, it was ALL YOU.
I wanted to do great things. Get healthy enough mentally so I could be the positive role model in others life who are struggling like me. I wanted to be able to take care of myself. Know what it was like to drive down the road blasting my favorite songs and being free. I still can't believe I'm going to die not even knowing how to drive a car. I wanted to travel to see other places and not feel so alone. I wanted to learn different languages. I wanted to know what it was like to have genuine love. I'm going to die with my only sexual experiences being related to trauma. The most important thing I wanted tho was to experience a life outside of abuse.
But my life was never mine to live. I never stood a chance.You created me because you're a narcissistic parasite that wanted a doll to control, not a human. A woman has 4 abortions and you can't get it through your thick skull that she doesn't want you? So what do you do instead? Continue to abuse her and threaten to leave if she doesn't have your kid. And then once you have the kid you're not even there for her. If you really wanted me you wouldn't have hit me while I was still in the womb. You would've been there to sign my birth certificate. You would've respected me enough to choose another person instead of forcing a pregnancy onto someone who clearly didn't want kids with you. Not excusing my egg donor but fuck no wonder she hated me so much.
So tell the truth. Tell the people about how you'd beat me with sticks when I was a little girl. How you'd punch me with your bare fists. How I'd have blood in my panties because I was being raped but you didn't bother to taking me to the doctor. How you knew I was being raped and joined in on that creepy behavior to molest me. You saw the pictures, don't act like you didn't. How I'd run to you crying because I would be punched in the face so hard my nose would spray out blood and all you'd do is turn your face the other way and ignore me like the literal twisted psychopath you are. How you tried to fatten me up with food and then would go laugh at me while in front of others claiming you didn't know why I was so much bigger than the other kids my age. How I was as young as 5 when you exposed me to drugs and would go around selling them in front of me. The constant screaming, the constant fighting, being invisible and never allowed to have emotions, needs, wants, or concerns. Never being able to outdo you because you'd get jealous and see it as a threat.
I could list thousands of more wrongs you people did to me. Trust me, that was just the beginning. But why bother? No one cared when I was alive, not even authorities the people paid to protect and serve, so they won't care now that I'm gone. And that was your purpose. You purposely abused me so hard so that I'd become unconventional. You knew if I was damaged severely enough that I'd become an outcast to the rest of society. You knew deeply traumatized people can no longer fit in with other humans. You knew that because you went through it yourself. The difference between you and me tho? Despite going through hell and back I would NEVER subject my pain onto others, let alone my own flesh and blood. You're all truly evil individuals.
I hope you're all happy. Go ahead and throw your fake funeral now and invite all these fake ass people that will sit there and pout because it was "too soon" and "not my time." They only cry at the idea of me not who I really was or what I was going through. A teenager kills themselves! Wow so sad
they had their whole lives ahead of them! Oh please. I didn't even know you people and you didn't even try to get to know me. I was left for dead 3 years ago and none of you attempted to help me or even reach out so that I could have the chance of having a life outside of this, so please spare yourself from the sympathy tears. Maybe I can't be that upset with all of you. Most of you didn't know because my parents were so isolating. Still, those of you who did and did nothing can go fuck yourself.
You made me to destroy me. You wanted me to either be your pet or be just as sick as you. Well this is my FUCK YOU to ALL of you! I refuse to live in a world that doesn't acknowledge people like me and labels us off as "bitter" all while denying us help. The only people that acknowledged me were other abusers. Creepy old men that will take and take without giving anything until they've sucked you dry and then they leave you too. It's not fair. Why should I have to be subjected to reliving past trauma for the rest of my life. Because society deems me as unworthy? Because no healthy person would walk within a 5 mile radius of me? again, FUCK YOU!
And I know you said you'd try having another kid, and I really hope you don't, that kid won't stand a chance and I can't bare the thought of anyone else having to suffer here like I have.
I wonder what my parents will think once I'm dead...
Probably tell people that I killed myself for some bs reason.
"She was brainwashed by therapists"
"Someone on social media told her to kill herself",
"She was sick in the head" NO MOTHERFUCKERS, it was ALL YOU.
I wanted to do great things. Get healthy enough mentally so I could be the positive role model in others life who are struggling like me. I wanted to be able to take care of myself. Know what it was like to drive down the road blasting my favorite songs and being free. I still can't believe I'm going to die not even knowing how to drive a car. I wanted to travel to see other places and not feel so alone. I wanted to learn different languages. I wanted to know what it was like to have genuine love. I'm going to die with my only sexual experiences being related to trauma. The most important thing I wanted tho was to experience a life outside of abuse.
But my life was never mine to live. I never stood a chance.You created me because you're a narcissistic parasite that wanted a doll to control, not a human. A woman has 4 abortions and you can't get it through your thick skull that she doesn't want you? So what do you do instead? Continue to abuse her and threaten to leave if she doesn't have your kid. And then once you have the kid you're not even there for her. If you really wanted me you wouldn't have hit me while I was still in the womb. You would've been there to sign my birth certificate. You would've respected me enough to choose another person instead of forcing a pregnancy onto someone who clearly didn't want kids with you. Not excusing my egg donor but fuck no wonder she hated me so much.
So tell the truth. Tell the people about how you'd beat me with sticks when I was a little girl. How you'd punch me with your bare fists. How I'd have blood in my panties because I was being raped but you didn't bother to taking me to the doctor. How you knew I was being raped and joined in on that creepy behavior to molest me. You saw the pictures, don't act like you didn't. How I'd run to you crying because I would be punched in the face so hard my nose would spray out blood and all you'd do is turn your face the other way and ignore me like the literal twisted psychopath you are. How you tried to fatten me up with food and then would go laugh at me while in front of others claiming you didn't know why I was so much bigger than the other kids my age. How I was as young as 5 when you exposed me to drugs and would go around selling them in front of me. The constant screaming, the constant fighting, being invisible and never allowed to have emotions, needs, wants, or concerns. Never being able to outdo you because you'd get jealous and see it as a threat.
I could list thousands of more wrongs you people did to me. Trust me, that was just the beginning. But why bother? No one cared when I was alive, not even authorities the people paid to protect and serve, so they won't care now that I'm gone. And that was your purpose. You purposely abused me so hard so that I'd become unconventional. You knew if I was damaged severely enough that I'd become an outcast to the rest of society. You knew deeply traumatized people can no longer fit in with other humans. You knew that because you went through it yourself. The difference between you and me tho? Despite going through hell and back I would NEVER subject my pain onto others, let alone my own flesh and blood. You're all truly evil individuals.
I hope you're all happy. Go ahead and throw your fake funeral now and invite all these fake ass people that will sit there and pout because it was "too soon" and "not my time." They only cry at the idea of me not who I really was or what I was going through. A teenager kills themselves! Wow so sad
they had their whole lives ahead of them! Oh please. I didn't even know you people and you didn't even try to get to know me. I was left for dead 3 years ago and none of you attempted to help me or even reach out so that I could have the chance of having a life outside of this, so please spare yourself from the sympathy tears. Maybe I can't be that upset with all of you. Most of you didn't know because my parents were so isolating. Still, those of you who did and did nothing can go fuck yourself.You made me to destroy me. You wanted me to either be your pet or be just as sick as you. Well this is my FUCK YOU to ALL of you! I refuse to live in a world that doesn't acknowledge people like me and labels us off as "bitter" all while denying us help. The only people that acknowledged me were other abusers. Creepy old men that will take and take without giving anything until they've sucked you dry and then they leave you too. It's not fair. Why should I have to be subjected to reliving past trauma for the rest of my life. Because society deems me as unworthy? Because no healthy person would walk within a 5 mile radius of me? again, FUCK YOU!
And I know you said you'd try having another kid, and I really hope you don't, that kid won't stand a chance and I can't bare the thought of anyone else having to suffer here like I have.
