Venting my suicidal thoughts/tendencies ruined a friendship.. hbu?

[sorararara]

i'm just curious and i need some people to relate to

also, i'm aware of the fact that no one is obligated to be my friend, listen to my problems, or be there for me.. but i think i can talk about my frustrations? :/

i had a really close friend for about 3 years i think, and a few months ago she blocked me with no warning, and i know why.
she always told me that i could vent to her about anything, and i did.
well, the venting is what ruined our friendship. i was going through a very dark time, i tried to od, and i told her. i said goodbye and told her my plan. obviously, i didn't succeed. she called me exhausting after that incident so i stopped venting to her. i felt/feel guilty for exhausting her, she just wanted to be a good friend but she clearly wasn't ready to deal with a suicidal person. i didn't mean to put that pressure on her.
a bit of an embarrassing story, but i let this girl treat me like trash because i felt so guilty lmao.. she laughed after i told her about the most traumatic things that have happened to me, she insulted me a lot, called me slurs, etc. but it's whatever. i exhausted her, she was mean to me. idk, i think that makes us even?

it's been a few months, and now i'm incapable of making friends. it's not because i'm shy, i'm just so scared of putting someone through that again. i'm afraid i'll get too close and accidentally spill all of my problems. i can't even vent to doctors or therapists, that situation really messed me up. i considered joining this forum long before actually creating an account. i just couldn't do it because i was so scared. this section is literally MEANT for venting, but it still makes me nervous. venting is so hard for me now lol

has this happened to anyone else?

 

[donttellmybf2004]

That sounds so upsetting and stressful. It's always hell when a friendship ends like that. This site has helped me so much, venting here is like. So much better than venting to friends. It's so important to talk about what you're going through, that's what I've learned in life.

 

[ilikecats]

Yes it happened to me when I was starting to be depressed for the first time in my life. I told my close friends about it and they just ignored me and some made fun of me for wanting to end it . So I just stopped venting stopped trying but it just made things worst the fact that the peoples that I thought were my friends didn t understand . So that is why I went on those kind of forums cuz the ones that didn t experience pain can't understand.
someone told me that i just had to wait and find the right person , and make the difference between the friends you can vent to and the one that you can t .

i don t think keeping everything for you is the right thing.

i don't know if that makes sens lol i Hope you understand what I said

 

[flesh object]

to me, she insulted me a lot, called me slurs, etc. but it's whatever. i exhausted her, she was mean to me. idk, i think that makes us even?

That is a horrible thing to do, and I'm sorry you had to go through that, I've had traumatic experiences with people aswell, I was gaslighted before and I had to cut people off because of it, don't surround yourself with people who don't care or are destructive, its not healthy or good for you.

Just know that its not your fault.
Everyone has tough times and its also what makes us ourselves, what people go through shouldn't be downplayed because something can affect someone else differently, your struggles are real.

Struggles are not about competition on who has it worse, if it affects someone then it affects someone.

I hope you can feel better and move on from that person,

 

[Huntfish34]

Thanks for sharing this with us and I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I can certainly relate, sadly. Over the past several years I have lost a few good friends due to my anxiety, depression, thoughts of Ctb.......... The list goes on. Sorry she was being so damn cruel and cold to you after you opened up / vented your feelings to her. Makes me kinda wonder, if she was Ever a True friend to you leading up to this.. Idk, I get how she could ghost, block, or ignore you.... ( has happened to me more than I'd care to admit ) It's just the whole insult, slurs, laughing at you , that throws me off. Pretty damn disgusting to say the Least.

Thoughts and prayers to you Always, take care if possible - ♥ You are Not alone.

 

[Kurushii]

Yes, this exact issue is something big I have been dealing with. First I make friends and everything goes so well. But then I just had to open up about my wishing to ctb. And they tried to help at first. They really did. Some people gave better advice than others. But in the end, they would always get tired of me. Always get tired of me venting. They would get tired of me not going through with it and complaining to them instead. They would always get tired of me not making any progress to get better. So they cut me off. I was too much. I had nobody else to go to so I went to them, and I lost them.

It took me many fails but I know that I can't ever tell anyone about these feelings ever, unless they feel them too. The exception being my partner, I was very lucky in regards to meeting him and having him in my life. He showed me that I can tell him literally anything, and he won't run away from me. Unfortunately that's not enough to stop my ctb thoughts, but... it's definitely something good in my life.

And I'm sorry sorararara, losing friends that way is always difficult. Your friend was rather cruel to you though, that was unfair of her, even if you 'exhausted' her. I think certain people cutting you out of their life after you telling them your inner struggle shows that they wouldn't have stuck around for a while anyway. Cheap friendship is just that.. cheap. I found having deeper connections with others is much much more valuable. I do hope venting here made you feel better, if only a little. It's nice being able to speak your mind without fear.

 

[Tarucest]

i'm just curious and i need some people to relate to

also, i'm aware of the fact that no one is obligated to be my friend, listen to my problems, or be there for me.. but i think i can talk about my frustrations? :/

i had a really close friend for about 3 years i think, and a few months ago she blocked me with no warning, and i know why.
she always told me that i could vent to her about anything, and i did.
well, the venting is what ruined our friendship. i was going through a very dark time, i tried to od, and i told her. i said goodbye and told her my plan. obviously, i didn't succeed. she called me exhausting after that incident so i stopped venting to her. i felt/feel guilty for exhausting her, she just wanted to be a good friend but she clearly wasn't ready to deal with a suicidal person. i didn't mean to put that pressure on her.
a bit of an embarrassing story, but i let this girl treat me like trash because i felt so guilty lmao.. she laughed after i told her about the most traumatic things that have happened to me, she insulted me a lot, called me slurs, etc. but it's whatever. i exhausted her, she was mean to me. idk, i think that makes us even?

it's been a few months, and now i'm incapable of making friends. it's not because i'm shy, i'm just so scared of putting someone through that again. i'm afraid i'll get too close and accidentally spill all of my problems. i can't even vent to doctors or therapists, that situation really messed me up. i considered joining this forum long before actually creating an account. i just couldn't do it because i was so scared. this section is literally MEANT for venting, but it still makes me nervous. venting is so hard for me now lol

has this happened to anyone else?

I just lost a friend *today* because of my suicidal thoughts. I tried not to show it but i guess my behavior over texts began to show. Long story short they said we shouldn't text anymore even after i expressed my suicidality and thoughts about wanting to end it (a few hours before) very soon (and i think thats what caused this sudden suggestion) So I definitely understand where youre coming from and its not your fault you feel this way. I don't wanna talk bad about ur friend but they seem like a real asshole to treat you like shit then up and leave like *youre* the problem for dealing with these thoughts.
You shouldn't feel abnormal in a relationship of any kind, id offer my friendship but i don't know how long ill be and i definitely dont wanna stress anyone out ykwim? Anyways hang in there, you deserve better friends who'll support you mutually.

 

[ceekatty]

i'm just curious and i need some people to relate to

also, i'm aware of the fact that no one is obligated to be my friend, listen to my problems, or be there for me.. but i think i can talk about my frustrations? :/

i had a really close friend for about 3 years i think, and a few months ago she blocked me with no warning, and i know why.
she always told me that i could vent to her about anything, and i did.
well, the venting is what ruined our friendship. i was going through a very dark time, i tried to od, and i told her. i said goodbye and told her my plan. obviously, i didn't succeed. she called me exhausting after that incident so i stopped venting to her. i felt/feel guilty for exhausting her, she just wanted to be a good friend but she clearly wasn't ready to deal with a suicidal person. i didn't mean to put that pressure on her.
a bit of an embarrassing story, but i let this girl treat me like trash because i felt so guilty lmao.. she laughed after i told her about the most traumatic things that have happened to me, she insulted me a lot, called me slurs, etc. but it's whatever. i exhausted her, she was mean to me. idk, i think that makes us even?

it's been a few months, and now i'm incapable of making friends. it's not because i'm shy, i'm just so scared of putting someone through that again. i'm afraid i'll get too close and accidentally spill all of my problems. i can't even vent to doctors or therapists, that situation really messed me up. i considered joining this forum long before actually creating an account. i just couldn't do it because i was so scared. this section is literally MEANT for venting, but it still makes me nervous. venting is so hard for me now lol

has this happened to anyone else?

Holy shit, well the stories are very different but I relate a lot to the title. I don't really have an ending to my story as it's still going on, but in short this happened: my friend and I went through a rough spot, it all started with one misunderstanding.
She thought I was mad with her when I was only worried and so the next time I saw her she said something extremely rude and upsetting to me. The next interaction I had with her she asked why I had been acting different and how I was feeling, and I told her how I felt as a result of what she said that night, and as response she called me ridiculous for feeling that way. I don't know about you, but having someone ask about my emotions and then immediately invalidate and disregard them does not feel great. I have no idea how the rest of that conversation went because her saying that shut me down.
Later that night I was venting about the interaction on social media (a platform she doesn't have me added on). I didn't use any names and I tried being as vague as possible. The next day in class(for context we have the same minor, so we have at least one class together every semester), she ignored my presence, did not speak a single word to me, but I overheard her talking about me to mutual friends. What she was saying I don't know, but I heard my name mumbled a couple of times.
Anyways, as a result of her making me feel like shit, I mentioned suicide on my social media that she doesn't have me added on, and during a much later conversation she brought it up. She said I shouldn't say such things unless I'm serious, and I told her I was seriously contemplating suicide at the time.
There was a long conversation leading up to me saying that, and I didn't intend on sharing that with her, in fact I was lying about my feelings saying it wasn't a big deal and whatnot just so nothing bad would come out of talking to her, but she noticed my lies and basically demanded that I start saying the truth, and start saying how I really feel.
Well to speed up this rant, because I said I was seriously thinking about suicide at the time, she said we shouldn't be friends. I guess suicide is a very touchy topic to her since she had a friend kill themselves in high school, but what she was saying, it sounded like she didn't want to be responsible for someone killing themselves.
We haven't talked since but we have mutual friends so something's gotta give eventually. Hopefully this was a coherent story, I know my sentences can get confusing when I start getting into my pissed off rants. It just pisses me off because I didn't plan on telling her that to begin with, and she implored me to be honest and talk about how I felt because "that's how conversations work." And then I do and she just ends the friendship right there, it just feels unfair as fuck. Like what's the point in being honest if it'll just make things worse. Well. Cheers to losing friends simply because you're suicidal.

 

[sorararara]

Yes it happened to me when I was starting to be depressed for the first time in my life. I told my close friends about it and they just ignored me and some made fun of me for wanting to end it . So I just stopped venting stopped trying but it just made things worst the fact that the peoples that I thought were my friends didn t understand . So that is why I went on those kind of forums cuz the ones that didn t experience pain can't understand.
someone told me that i just had to wait and find the right person , and make the difference between the friends you can vent to and the one that you can t .

i don t think keeping everything for you is the right thing.

i don't know if that makes sens lol i Hope you understand what I said

i understand what you're saying! i've noticed that i typically feel worse whenever i keep my problems to myself. and being made fun of because you want to end it.. that sounds so terrible. that's one of the worst kinds of pain a person can experience, and your friends couldn't even do the bare minimum and take it seriously. i'm sorry you had to deal with that

Yes, this exact issue is something big I have been dealing with. First I make friends and everything goes so well. But then I just had to open up about my wishing to ctb. And they tried to help at first. They really did. Some people gave better advice than others. But in the end, they would always get tired of me. Always get tired of me venting. They would get tired of me not going through with it and complaining to them instead. They would always get tired of me not making any progress to get better. So they cut me off. I was too much. I had nobody else to go to so I went to them, and I lost them.

It took me many fails but I know that I can't ever tell anyone about these feelings ever, unless they feel them too. The exception being my partner, I was very lucky in regards to meeting him and having him in my life. He showed me that I can tell him literally anything, and he won't run away from me. Unfortunately that's not enough to stop my ctb thoughts, but... it's definitely something good in my life.

And I'm sorry sorararara, losing friends that way is always difficult. Your friend was rather cruel to you though, that was unfair of her, even if you 'exhausted' her. I think certain people cutting you out of their life after you telling them your inner struggle shows that they wouldn't have stuck around for a while anyway. Cheap friendship is just that.. cheap. I found having deeper connections with others is much much more valuable. I do hope venting here made you feel better, if only a little. It's nice being able to speak your mind without fear.

ahh you're very kind!! i'm sorry you had to lose so many friends over something you couldn't even control. i've also had to deal with people getting upset with me because of my lack of progress. people get especially upset when i start to make progress but then proceed fall behind again. it's sad people don't understand mental illness/ctb thoughts can't just go away. if i could quickly make a ton of permanent progress, i would.

i'm happy you have someone who will listen to your feelings and respect them. he seems to make you really happy! i'm wishing you the best, thank you for responding <3

 

[lionetta12]

i'm just curious and i need some people to relate to

also, i'm aware of the fact that no one is obligated to be my friend, listen to my problems, or be there for me.. but i think i can talk about my frustrations? :/

i had a really close friend for about 3 years i think, and a few months ago she blocked me with no warning, and i know why.
she always told me that i could vent to her about anything, and i did.
well, the venting is what ruined our friendship. i was going through a very dark time, i tried to od, and i told her. i said goodbye and told her my plan. obviously, i didn't succeed. she called me exhausting after that incident so i stopped venting to her. i felt/feel guilty for exhausting her, she just wanted to be a good friend but she clearly wasn't ready to deal with a suicidal person. i didn't mean to put that pressure on her.
a bit of an embarrassing story, but i let this girl treat me like trash because i felt so guilty lmao.. she laughed after i told her about the most traumatic things that have happened to me, she insulted me a lot, called me slurs, etc. but it's whatever. i exhausted her, she was mean to me. idk, i think that makes us even?

it's been a few months, and now i'm incapable of making friends. it's not because i'm shy, i'm just so scared of putting someone through that again. i'm afraid i'll get too close and accidentally spill all of my problems. i can't even vent to doctors or therapists, that situation really messed me up. i considered joining this forum long before actually creating an account. i just couldn't do it because i was so scared. this section is literally MEANT for venting, but it still makes me nervous. venting is so hard for me now lol

has this happened to anyone else?

They might not be a good friend or a healthy person to be around if they laugh at your trauma and call you slurs. It's always painful to lose a relation to someone, but I hope you can find some real and genuine friends. I've personally never experienced losing any friends over being suicidal. I'm very open with them and they are very open with me, maybe they don't judge me so much because I wait for them to spill their trauma and feelings to me, before I open up about about my suicidal thoughts in general. Some people aren't able to handle topics on suicide and being around someone they know is suicidal can be too much or too uncomfortable for them, but I still think you deserve to be respected and that they should let you know what their boundaries are if that is one of them. I'm sorry that you went through this.

 

[lili]

I can relate with you a lot.

I am very sorry that has happened to you, it has happened to me as well. Although I can say there are people who can handle it better than others. But I think nearly anyone can. I think even some people here can't quite handle it.

The most recent event that venting about my suicide was through I person I met here. We got into a really deep friendship over six months, but he just couldn't handle my suicide. I overdosed one day right after a conversation we had and I told him, and he decided to stop talking to me after that. Ever since, I've been trying to get him to talk to me again but he doesn't want to because I affect him too much.

Most people are like that and it is painful, he said to meI was just a computer screen. And he just wasn't sure how he could help me.

I'm not one to say to have hope, but those people weren't even good friends to begin with. There's people out there who are willing to listen, their just so few and scarce that its sad. I mean the fact that there is a community here that are willing to read about it proves it. I think its just difficult for some people to deal with when they get close to someone, they are too scared of death.

 

[sorararara]

I just lost a friend *today* because of my suicidal thoughts. I tried not to show it but i guess my behavior over texts began to show. Long story short they said we shouldn't text anymore even after i expressed my suicidality and thoughts about wanting to end it (a few hours before) very soon (and i think thats what caused this sudden suggestion) So I definitely understand where youre coming from and its not your fault you feel this way. I don't wanna talk bad about ur friend but they seem like a real asshole to treat you like shit then up and leave like *youre* the problem for dealing with these thoughts.
You shouldn't feel abnormal in a relationship of any kind, id offer my friendship but i don't know how long ill be and i definitely dont wanna stress anyone out ykwim? Anyways hang in there, you deserve better friends who'll support you mutually.

i'm sorry, i think you deserve better friends as well.. i understand not wanting to stress others out, but i'd definitely be happy to be your friend, if you're comfortable with that, obviously!

 

[NHLTradeRumor]

I actually went through this a couple days ago. I lost my entire friend group over my desire to CTB for much the same reason, they said it was "exhausting" to be around me, and me having BPD, blew everything out of proportion, and lost every single friend I had in one move. To be honest, this was the final straw in my decision to CTB, the fact that no one will want to listen to you if you're suicidal, at least not for long.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yes, had it happen to me too. I helped people when I was up. And being down reminded me how people generally act. Luckily I now have far better people in my life, better in every way than those mindless twerps who make youtube trolls seem smart

They contacted me. Felt gooooood to give those buffoons the middle finger

If you generally try to be a decent person, maybe it'll feel good to repeat after me:

[her name] was a fair-weather fuckface. ​

A right piece of shit. ​

I realize she is beneath me. ​

I can do better. ​

And if I can't? ​

I realize this world is beneath me.​

 

[Forever Sleep]

I know I would end up too clingy and intense for people, so I haven't tried to make new friends for years and I've mostly lost touch with the ones I had.

Yes- I do know that awful feeling- between feeling such a burden and feeling embarassed/humiliated because you have pushed them too far.

My Dad will ask if I've spoken to any of my friends but I think it's because he likes to think I'm basically 'normal'. Which I'm really not. I'd have to put on an act to maintain a friendship now and I can't be bothered with that. The one person who does keep in touch- it feels like they mainly do it to vent to me.

My Dad once said that if you just keep complaining to people- they will be sympathetic to a point- and then lose interest. He's right sadly. People like to consider themselves supportive until it really comes to it I find. Plus- I don't think many can handle the REALLY dark stuff. I'm sorry. It's pretty lonely being us.

 

[redisblue]

I understand you! For me, anytime I try to bring up my struggles with my family or friends, I feel as though I'm not taken seriously or just dismissed entirely. I'm so sorry you're going through that, that person isn't a good friend and definitely not healthy to be around. People shouldn't tell others "you can tell me about anything!" and then immediately treat them like shit when they do tell them something. Please just know that it isn't your fault. You are completely valid to feel the way that you feel, and nobody should shame you for that. As somebody else said, this place is great for venting. I wrote a vent here a couple days ago and I felt a lot better rather than when I vent to friends - it's always important to talk about your feelings.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yeah, I threatened suicide a few times in 2015, and that caused me to alienate some people who don't look at me the same anymore. It is what it is.

 

[AloneInCollege]

It sounds like she's not that good of a person. She was likely using you. I'm sorry that this happened to you.

 

[Kobusu]

Nobody who cares about you genuinely would call you "exhausting," treat you like shit, or call you any of a multitude of slurs. You're truthfully better off without her, and when you are ready to make friends again, hopefully you'll pick better ones who respect you.

 

[alivefornow]

I can relate. When I'm going through a low stage in my depression, I tend to become abrasive and push people away. I don't measure my words sometimes and I end up feeling like a piece of s*** monster afterwards.

I have recently lost a girlfriend to whom I was very dear once. To put it into perspective, I could have married this girl if I wanted to. That's how much she loved me. She really tried to stay with me, asking me to seek professional help and all. She gave all the chances I didn't even ask for.

But now I have to read the words she wrote, telling me I'm rotten, and everything I say is rotten. I understand why she says that, I gave her all the reason. She's with someone else now. This situation is what is currently pushing me closer and closer to catching the bus with each day. To be completely honest, I was very unhappy and unsatisfied with her. Can't help but feeling like s***, feelings of regret and remorse for the love that died. The love that I killed.

There is also a long time friend that was helping me through this turmoil, but I think she noticed my behavior was becoming increasingly condemnable, as I threatened my ex with my suicide and everything. We're not on speaking terms anymore. She's someone I loved romantically and intensely when I was a teenager, but she couldn't ever correspond due to being homosexual. I don't believe this is the end of our friendship, because I feel like we have a very deep connection, but first I need to figure out if I'm going to fix my life or end it.

 

[VioletNight]

You definitely deserve better friends than that, seems like venting to her just made it worse and I'm sorry, that just sucks.

Some people definitely aren't able to handle serious things like that and that's okay, but treating you the way they did is not.

I really hope you can find some real friends who genuinely want you to feel better when you're able to and willing!

 

[user76]

That person was not a friend. No matter how much a suicidal person can exhaust or annoy someone, a decent person isn't going to laugh at their trauma or call them slurs or insult them.