Hi, I have been on this forum for a week I think, but I have been suicidal for only 11 months now. When I read how long others have been suicidal, this is only a short time. However, for me, it has been a hell living like this. I want to cbt every moment, because...
Two years ago, my partner and I decided to start with children. Unfortunately my partner was unable to have children. So I decided it would a great gesture to accept using his brother as a donor. However, after 3 months of pregnancy, I became depressed. I started to fear that my partner, my sister or I would die. I became scared of death. A week after my son was born, my fear became reality. My partner left me and the baby. I was forced to live at my mother's. After that, a lot of shit happened. But basically the main point here is that I have been used to become pregnant and deliver a baby. Unfortunately I'm still heavily depressed and I'm unable to take care of myself. So I can't even take care of my baby. My son lives now with my ex-partner. And I haven't seen him for 4 weeks now. Child services are involved, but they mainly choose the side of my ex-partner. Also I had good contact with his family and friends, but they all left me. Usually I had a good relationship with my sister, but she also doesn't get me. Now I only talk to her once in a while. I only have my mother and one friend, but she is also severely depressed. Currently I'm at a psych ward for over 2 months, in that time I have only become more depressed. So my urge to cbt has only grown.
I wanted to share my story, in case one of my CBT moments will be successful. I really do admire all the people on this forum. I believe we are extremely strong and we deserve so much more than wanting to die constantly.
Two years ago, my partner and I decided to start with children. Unfortunately my partner was unable to have children. So I decided it would a great gesture to accept using his brother as a donor. However, after 3 months of pregnancy, I became depressed. I started to fear that my partner, my sister or I would die. I became scared of death. A week after my son was born, my fear became reality. My partner left me and the baby. I was forced to live at my mother's. After that, a lot of shit happened. But basically the main point here is that I have been used to become pregnant and deliver a baby. Unfortunately I'm still heavily depressed and I'm unable to take care of myself. So I can't even take care of my baby. My son lives now with my ex-partner. And I haven't seen him for 4 weeks now. Child services are involved, but they mainly choose the side of my ex-partner. Also I had good contact with his family and friends, but they all left me. Usually I had a good relationship with my sister, but she also doesn't get me. Now I only talk to her once in a while. I only have my mother and one friend, but she is also severely depressed. Currently I'm at a psych ward for over 2 months, in that time I have only become more depressed. So my urge to cbt has only grown.
I wanted to share my story, in case one of my CBT moments will be successful. I really do admire all the people on this forum. I believe we are extremely strong and we deserve so much more than wanting to die constantly.
