APharmaDestroyedLife
Your RX drugs are likely your real problem
- Nov 4, 2019
- 305
If life had a switch, if it was that easy I would just flip it into the off position.
Let me apologize in advance for how this post will probably end up going in many directions...
I am sick, I am dying anyway, I think I am in the minority on this site, so maybe that is part of my dilemma. I actually want to live. After all these years I can still extract joy from the simplest things.
As ugly and cruel as the world seems at times... I believe that there are more good people doing good things than bad people doing bad things. We just get forced fed so much negativity by the media it doesn't seem that way.
Then there is the vast majority which I believe are neither good or bad , they are the people that only see the world as a place for them and go about life acting only in their best interest neither harming nor contributing to the state of humanity.
When we remove ourselves from the "they" and focus on the "me" and choose to focus on good and ignore the bad it's amazing how quickly the world changes, almost as if we create our own reality based on what we choose to think about, talk about, and pay attention to.
My illness has cost me my job, my ability to work, 75% of my income, my ability to drive, my wife, and almost everything that brought me joy and happiness, and I can tell you that even though at one time I made a lot of money and lived in a very exclusive neighborhood 3 blocks from the beach, those were not the things that ever truly made me happy. It was nature, friends, family, and love. Those things made my life one that was blessed. My home, my car... LOL so meaningless and irrelevant to happiness.
I have pain everyday, I have neurological impairments that are unpredictable and scary, my heart is rarely not pounding, my stomach is a mess, and I am almost always short of breath. I also live completely alone.
Doesn't sound like much of a life does it? Considering in early 2017 I was running my own business, I was madly in love with the person I had spent 12 years with , infact I loved that person more after a decade than I did when I first realized I loved them. Then 1 day that person just could not take my illness and poof... they left me alone.
During the last 26 months of this illness my father has died, my friend died, and I really have nothing to live for other than another day of pain , fear, and uncertainty, while I think about the timer on my life that is ticking...
This condition won't improve, all that can been done , has been done. So what am I hanging on to? Maybe I am my "father's son". He held on to the very end, and I can tell you it was awful to watch his health decline, in the end he didn't even know who I was, and was in a lot of pain.
So what am I waiting for? I have 2 fairly painless methods ready to go. I also have access to the "holy grail" of exits. So I could have a very peaceful exit if I choose.
I was sure once I aquired all of the tools necessary to do the job, I would immediately go through with it.
Now I am starting to see all that research and all of the gathering of resources was maybe just a distraction.
---- off subject but relevant ---
I grew up in a different time, a time when we rode bikes after school, a time when records were the only way to listen to music, a time when the world was huge and your neighbors were your friends and your community and you all looked out for each other. It was a time when video games only existed in Arcades and were a luxury. You had to mow lawns for quarters so you could spend 30 minutes playing Galaga and PacMan, a time When toy stores and video rental stores were on every corner that are now occupied by Starbucks. TV was fun and light , not dark and disturbing.
Now as I have taken sick I live each day in the memories of what was and the people that I love, even the ones that no longer love me.
I'm not writing this for hugs or sympathy, My story is my own, my journey is as unique as all of yours. I still somehow consider myself one of the Lucky ones. I got to live a life that gave me just enough material bull shit to show me what is truly important.
--- even more off point--
---Mental illness and psychiatric drugs ---
I am also writing this because life can get better, your "mental illnesses" are likely a result of a hard time in your life, a time that led you down the path of psychiatric care. Then you got put on drugs for a "chemical imbalance" that no tests were ever performed to prove. Like a good patient you took those pills everyday , at some point maybe they added more pills. Then down the road your realized you were even worse off than you were before you ever sought out treatment. That led to the doctors convincing you that your "condition" was getting worse... in reality to my best estimate 9 out of 10 people on psychiatric medications are getting sicker and sicker. A lot of people try to go off these drugs and feel worse, so they buy into the notion that they are "sick" when what they are experiencing is withdrawal... even the most "harmless and non addictive" drug will change your brain chemistry and the only way to get back to a normal healthy balance is to very very slowly taper off your meds. But doctors don't know this because they believe what ever the pharma reps tell them.
It is my true hope that those of you suffering from depression, anxiety, and negative emotions (especially the young people on this site) take some time to do some research on the more and more information coming forward about the damage these drugs cause as well as the safe way to come off them.
I like this link because it covers a lot of topics from polypharmacy to withdrawal and the central nervous system , but there are a ton of great resources out there.
withdrawal.theinnercompass.org
And if you so chose to go off your medications understand the correct way to do it.
After all that rant that I admit got way off topic , what is still keeping me here?
I'm not afraid of death, I am afraid of the events to lead to death... either way I will have to experience those events , so why not just do it now? Is it some primitive hard wired survival instinct intended to keep the species alive? Maybe... but it's also the memories... the memories of the good times, the memories of joy and love and fun. Knowing that the people I gave my heart to are still out there and as pathetic as it is I can still take part of their lives by looking at their social media and pretending I am there with them...
I know I am almost out of words... The truth is, I dont know if I will be back to this site, i mean it's hard to be here, caught between trying to encourage people to keep going and also trying to understand their pain. the truth is I may just impulsively implement one of my methods, or I might just wait for "my time" .
I do not wish to be banned as this is not an official goodbye or announcement that I am on my way out...
If I had just 1 wish... it would be to take all of your pain away , and to let you experience life as I was lucky enough to experience it for over 5 decades.
I truly appreciate the effort put into this site. I think despite what the general public view is. Places like these can save lives, and people who are going to end their lives are going to do it anyway.
I think I just need to take a little break, to be selfish and try and inject some hope back into my life. At least for now... If I do chose to "opt out" I will at the very least PM a moderator , until then please leave my account active...
Thank you everyone, I hope you find a reason to live, I hope you never give up on hope, I wish you happy holidays , and if you end up on the other side I pray for it to be painless and peaceful.
Let me apologize in advance for how this post will probably end up going in many directions...
I am sick, I am dying anyway, I think I am in the minority on this site, so maybe that is part of my dilemma. I actually want to live. After all these years I can still extract joy from the simplest things.
As ugly and cruel as the world seems at times... I believe that there are more good people doing good things than bad people doing bad things. We just get forced fed so much negativity by the media it doesn't seem that way.
Then there is the vast majority which I believe are neither good or bad , they are the people that only see the world as a place for them and go about life acting only in their best interest neither harming nor contributing to the state of humanity.
When we remove ourselves from the "they" and focus on the "me" and choose to focus on good and ignore the bad it's amazing how quickly the world changes, almost as if we create our own reality based on what we choose to think about, talk about, and pay attention to.
My illness has cost me my job, my ability to work, 75% of my income, my ability to drive, my wife, and almost everything that brought me joy and happiness, and I can tell you that even though at one time I made a lot of money and lived in a very exclusive neighborhood 3 blocks from the beach, those were not the things that ever truly made me happy. It was nature, friends, family, and love. Those things made my life one that was blessed. My home, my car... LOL so meaningless and irrelevant to happiness.
I have pain everyday, I have neurological impairments that are unpredictable and scary, my heart is rarely not pounding, my stomach is a mess, and I am almost always short of breath. I also live completely alone.
Doesn't sound like much of a life does it? Considering in early 2017 I was running my own business, I was madly in love with the person I had spent 12 years with , infact I loved that person more after a decade than I did when I first realized I loved them. Then 1 day that person just could not take my illness and poof... they left me alone.
During the last 26 months of this illness my father has died, my friend died, and I really have nothing to live for other than another day of pain , fear, and uncertainty, while I think about the timer on my life that is ticking...
This condition won't improve, all that can been done , has been done. So what am I hanging on to? Maybe I am my "father's son". He held on to the very end, and I can tell you it was awful to watch his health decline, in the end he didn't even know who I was, and was in a lot of pain.
So what am I waiting for? I have 2 fairly painless methods ready to go. I also have access to the "holy grail" of exits. So I could have a very peaceful exit if I choose.
I was sure once I aquired all of the tools necessary to do the job, I would immediately go through with it.
Now I am starting to see all that research and all of the gathering of resources was maybe just a distraction.
---- off subject but relevant ---
I grew up in a different time, a time when we rode bikes after school, a time when records were the only way to listen to music, a time when the world was huge and your neighbors were your friends and your community and you all looked out for each other. It was a time when video games only existed in Arcades and were a luxury. You had to mow lawns for quarters so you could spend 30 minutes playing Galaga and PacMan, a time When toy stores and video rental stores were on every corner that are now occupied by Starbucks. TV was fun and light , not dark and disturbing.
Now as I have taken sick I live each day in the memories of what was and the people that I love, even the ones that no longer love me.
I'm not writing this for hugs or sympathy, My story is my own, my journey is as unique as all of yours. I still somehow consider myself one of the Lucky ones. I got to live a life that gave me just enough material bull shit to show me what is truly important.
--- even more off point--
---Mental illness and psychiatric drugs ---
I am also writing this because life can get better, your "mental illnesses" are likely a result of a hard time in your life, a time that led you down the path of psychiatric care. Then you got put on drugs for a "chemical imbalance" that no tests were ever performed to prove. Like a good patient you took those pills everyday , at some point maybe they added more pills. Then down the road your realized you were even worse off than you were before you ever sought out treatment. That led to the doctors convincing you that your "condition" was getting worse... in reality to my best estimate 9 out of 10 people on psychiatric medications are getting sicker and sicker. A lot of people try to go off these drugs and feel worse, so they buy into the notion that they are "sick" when what they are experiencing is withdrawal... even the most "harmless and non addictive" drug will change your brain chemistry and the only way to get back to a normal healthy balance is to very very slowly taper off your meds. But doctors don't know this because they believe what ever the pharma reps tell them.
It is my true hope that those of you suffering from depression, anxiety, and negative emotions (especially the young people on this site) take some time to do some research on the more and more information coming forward about the damage these drugs cause as well as the safe way to come off them.
I like this link because it covers a lot of topics from polypharmacy to withdrawal and the central nervous system , but there are a ton of great resources out there.
How Do People Come off Multiple Psychiatric Drugs?
Learn about the complications and risks of taking and coming off multiple psychiatric medications, along with layperson-sourced tips for how to make a plan for doing so.
And if you so chose to go off your medications understand the correct way to do it.
After all that rant that I admit got way off topic , what is still keeping me here?
I'm not afraid of death, I am afraid of the events to lead to death... either way I will have to experience those events , so why not just do it now? Is it some primitive hard wired survival instinct intended to keep the species alive? Maybe... but it's also the memories... the memories of the good times, the memories of joy and love and fun. Knowing that the people I gave my heart to are still out there and as pathetic as it is I can still take part of their lives by looking at their social media and pretending I am there with them...
I know I am almost out of words... The truth is, I dont know if I will be back to this site, i mean it's hard to be here, caught between trying to encourage people to keep going and also trying to understand their pain. the truth is I may just impulsively implement one of my methods, or I might just wait for "my time" .
I do not wish to be banned as this is not an official goodbye or announcement that I am on my way out...
If I had just 1 wish... it would be to take all of your pain away , and to let you experience life as I was lucky enough to experience it for over 5 decades.
I truly appreciate the effort put into this site. I think despite what the general public view is. Places like these can save lives, and people who are going to end their lives are going to do it anyway.
I think I just need to take a little break, to be selfish and try and inject some hope back into my life. At least for now... If I do chose to "opt out" I will at the very least PM a moderator , until then please leave my account active...
Thank you everyone, I hope you find a reason to live, I hope you never give up on hope, I wish you happy holidays , and if you end up on the other side I pray for it to be painless and peaceful.
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