Hello this is the first time I post here
English is my second language. I'm 23m years of age from a war torn nation, I been born into the country falling and ever since I always experienced living under a conflict or semi povertyŘŚ lost my father at 11 and then had to see my town get taken over by a group you can guess in 2014, I have always been bullied at school for various reasons regarding many things, so I never really had to have a childhood, I got cyber bullied and stalked ever since I was 19 and up to recently w insta pages having my real face as a silly ai edits of me dancing and humiliating stuff, I just graduated uni and I can't even go outside I lost the appetite for everything in life unless it's cigarettes
I struggle w self image and body dysmorphia and constant war PTSD , I have pushed away my friends irl, and girls who loved me very much cuz I'm afraid of giving myself happiness I hate myself, I developed a sense of being anti suicide due to religious and ideological reasons and also through watching many gore videos online and observing the reactions of sick minded people and their commentary, I feel like doing anything to myself is just feeding them more laughter but also I wanna rest im so tired but I also love my mother I don't know what to do atp
I wish I wasn't born into this earth and especially on the worst country imaginable, I feel extremely lonely but I'm also afraid of people I cannot trust anyone easily ... I do not do self harm in the typical sense aka cutting and stuff but I do excessive smoking. It makes me feel ok in a sense .
English is my second language. I'm 23m years of age from a war torn nation, I been born into the country falling and ever since I always experienced living under a conflict or semi povertyŘŚ lost my father at 11 and then had to see my town get taken over by a group you can guess in 2014, I have always been bullied at school for various reasons regarding many things, so I never really had to have a childhood, I got cyber bullied and stalked ever since I was 19 and up to recently w insta pages having my real face as a silly ai edits of me dancing and humiliating stuff, I just graduated uni and I can't even go outside I lost the appetite for everything in life unless it's cigarettes
I struggle w self image and body dysmorphia and constant war PTSD , I have pushed away my friends irl, and girls who loved me very much cuz I'm afraid of giving myself happiness I hate myself, I developed a sense of being anti suicide due to religious and ideological reasons and also through watching many gore videos online and observing the reactions of sick minded people and their commentary, I feel like doing anything to myself is just feeding them more laughter but also I wanna rest im so tired but I also love my mother I don't know what to do atp
I wish I wasn't born into this earth and especially on the worst country imaginable, I feel extremely lonely but I'm also afraid of people I cannot trust anyone easily ... I do not do self harm in the typical sense aka cutting and stuff but I do excessive smoking. It makes me feel ok in a sense .
