R32
Member
- Sep 20, 2019
- 5
I just want to share my story and how I want to CTB.
My depression:
I'm now almost 29 years old and live in Germany.
My depression started when I was about 16 years of age. It never went away, but I
always tried to hold on to life. There were ups and downs throughout the years. Months were I couldn't stop thinking about dying and months were I thought everything will be fine one day. Having a partner, a family, a normal life. Just a mind-bubble.
What finally change my mind to commit to ctb:
My whole life I had a great relationship to my grandfather. He was like a father to me
and I did everything for him and my grandpa's will was always that I inherit his house once he is gone. The house my great grandfather once built. I took care of him and lived upstairs since I was 23. Of course I helped him in every circumstance of life (life doesn't get easier when you get old) and I was there till he took his last breath on his deathbed. I invested all my money I ever earned into this house. He wrote a last will that everyone had to sign...me, my aunt and my dad. My aunt is an evil person and right after my grandfather died she went to court to fight against his will. This was 1 1/2 years ago and yesterday she finally succeeded. I lost everything - the house, my stuff and got lot's of debt. (because I lost the case I have to pay for the trial)
Now I'm just exhausted of life. I've worked my ass of since I was 16 and all that remains is a shattered life.
Maybe some people would suggest to just get back up and continue. But I've done that so often,...
My method of choice:
R32 - you probably saw my avatar name. Owning a R32 was always my dream and I accomplished it 5 years ago. I'm so proud of this car and it will be my last resting place. I have a source were I can buy NO in a big bottle (50L). It will end with a nice cruise, maybe to the seaside. When the sun sets I will seal the car, play some nice music on the stereo (probably Lorn or ATB) and open that bottle and daze away.
Feel free to comment:
Do you think the 50L container ist enough? Should I were a mask to be 100% certain that I inhale a lethal amount? Is there a danger that the car could explode? Would you put a warning in the window, that the car is filled with gas? (The last thing I want is someone getting hurt trying to recover my body)
My depression:
I'm now almost 29 years old and live in Germany.
My depression started when I was about 16 years of age. It never went away, but I
always tried to hold on to life. There were ups and downs throughout the years. Months were I couldn't stop thinking about dying and months were I thought everything will be fine one day. Having a partner, a family, a normal life. Just a mind-bubble.
What finally change my mind to commit to ctb:
My whole life I had a great relationship to my grandfather. He was like a father to me
and I did everything for him and my grandpa's will was always that I inherit his house once he is gone. The house my great grandfather once built. I took care of him and lived upstairs since I was 23. Of course I helped him in every circumstance of life (life doesn't get easier when you get old) and I was there till he took his last breath on his deathbed. I invested all my money I ever earned into this house. He wrote a last will that everyone had to sign...me, my aunt and my dad. My aunt is an evil person and right after my grandfather died she went to court to fight against his will. This was 1 1/2 years ago and yesterday she finally succeeded. I lost everything - the house, my stuff and got lot's of debt. (because I lost the case I have to pay for the trial)
Now I'm just exhausted of life. I've worked my ass of since I was 16 and all that remains is a shattered life.
Maybe some people would suggest to just get back up and continue. But I've done that so often,...
My method of choice:
R32 - you probably saw my avatar name. Owning a R32 was always my dream and I accomplished it 5 years ago. I'm so proud of this car and it will be my last resting place. I have a source were I can buy NO in a big bottle (50L). It will end with a nice cruise, maybe to the seaside. When the sun sets I will seal the car, play some nice music on the stereo (probably Lorn or ATB) and open that bottle and daze away.
Feel free to comment:
Do you think the 50L container ist enough? Should I were a mask to be 100% certain that I inhale a lethal amount? Is there a danger that the car could explode? Would you put a warning in the window, that the car is filled with gas? (The last thing I want is someone getting hurt trying to recover my body)
