idontfeellikeimreal
Am I okay or am I just distracted?
- Aug 21, 2023
- 25
First of all, I apologize for such a long post, I don't know where to put my feelings and thoughts otherwise.
My ex; we were long distance and we were planning on meeting up twice, since we broke up in between because of small Inconveniences and me splitting up on him did not really help in any way, the first time we were together we were still below 18, the second relationship we started was after we turned 18. His mom still forbid him of coming to see me, so i took matters into my own hands and took my family with me to london, they could have a little vacation over new years and i could see my beloved boyfriend at the time.
It was nice to see him at the airport. We hugged, but the hug wasn't as long as I had expected. He had promised to give me flowers and a very long hug, but he said the flowers hadn't arrived. The hug felt half-hearted, but I tried to understand him as it was the first time we had seen each other after all.
Afterwards, we talked on the train to the hotel. It took a while for us to warm up to each other. I brought him presents, just to make him happy. I gave them to him when we travelled from the hotel to his home so that I could meet his family.
I said hello to his mum and then we went to his room. I honestly didn't really feel comfortable but thought it was just because of the excitement. After he had unwrapped his presents, we had our first kiss. Everything was fine that day and I went back to the hotel at midnight.
On the second day, we spent a lot of time together. We went to his house in the afternoon and everything was actually fine. I didn't feel as uncomfortable that day as I had the day before. He took me back to the hotel in the evening.
On the third day we spent a lot of time together, but he touched me inappropiately when we were at his place in the afternoon. He touched my boobs several times, at first while cuddling, but he made it look like an accident. When I then moved away from the cuddling, he continued to touch my boobs. I clearly expressed that I didn't want that, but he ignored it. I thought he ignored it because it made him uncomfortable and that he wouldn't do it again.
In the evening, we went bowling with my family and he begged me to spend the night at his place. In the end, I asked my parents for permission to spend the night at his place. They were hesitant at first, but eventually they gave me permission. After bowling, we went to the hotel to get clothes for the next day. When we arrived at his place, everything was still fine. We were lying in his bed, I was on my mobile phone and I think he was too. At some point he asked me if he should scratch my back and I happily agreed to him doing that, of course. I was lying on my stomach and he sat on my legs and scratched my back without further explanation. At some point, however, he slapped my butt and when I asked him what that was about, he said it was just for fun. However, he repeated it several times. When I tried to turn round and tell him he shouldn't do that, he stopped for a while. I thought he was going to let it go, but then he did it again and even grabbed me between the legs, several times. Eventually I got him off me.
That evening I had an oppressive feeling and became ill. That's why I had a lump in my throat all the time and couldn't breathe well. At one point, he put his head on my chest, while also laying down on me and putting his whole weight on top of me, which made it difficult for me to breathe. When it became increasingly difficult to breathe, I had a panic attack in his arms. I didn't want to be touched or spoken to, I just wanted to be left alone, I wanted to go home. I cried for hours that night.
How must he feel knowing his then girlfriend had a panic attack and cried in your bed for hours because of what you did to her.
What made him do that? We used to spend every night together on calls and on FaceTime countless times. He was never like that. He told me he was disgusted by people who forcefully initiate something intimate and do things without consent, as we had discussed before. Would he really put so much effort into talking to me just to do something like this?
My ex; we were long distance and we were planning on meeting up twice, since we broke up in between because of small Inconveniences and me splitting up on him did not really help in any way, the first time we were together we were still below 18, the second relationship we started was after we turned 18. His mom still forbid him of coming to see me, so i took matters into my own hands and took my family with me to london, they could have a little vacation over new years and i could see my beloved boyfriend at the time.
It was nice to see him at the airport. We hugged, but the hug wasn't as long as I had expected. He had promised to give me flowers and a very long hug, but he said the flowers hadn't arrived. The hug felt half-hearted, but I tried to understand him as it was the first time we had seen each other after all.
Afterwards, we talked on the train to the hotel. It took a while for us to warm up to each other. I brought him presents, just to make him happy. I gave them to him when we travelled from the hotel to his home so that I could meet his family.
I said hello to his mum and then we went to his room. I honestly didn't really feel comfortable but thought it was just because of the excitement. After he had unwrapped his presents, we had our first kiss. Everything was fine that day and I went back to the hotel at midnight.
On the second day, we spent a lot of time together. We went to his house in the afternoon and everything was actually fine. I didn't feel as uncomfortable that day as I had the day before. He took me back to the hotel in the evening.
On the third day we spent a lot of time together, but he touched me inappropiately when we were at his place in the afternoon. He touched my boobs several times, at first while cuddling, but he made it look like an accident. When I then moved away from the cuddling, he continued to touch my boobs. I clearly expressed that I didn't want that, but he ignored it. I thought he ignored it because it made him uncomfortable and that he wouldn't do it again.
In the evening, we went bowling with my family and he begged me to spend the night at his place. In the end, I asked my parents for permission to spend the night at his place. They were hesitant at first, but eventually they gave me permission. After bowling, we went to the hotel to get clothes for the next day. When we arrived at his place, everything was still fine. We were lying in his bed, I was on my mobile phone and I think he was too. At some point he asked me if he should scratch my back and I happily agreed to him doing that, of course. I was lying on my stomach and he sat on my legs and scratched my back without further explanation. At some point, however, he slapped my butt and when I asked him what that was about, he said it was just for fun. However, he repeated it several times. When I tried to turn round and tell him he shouldn't do that, he stopped for a while. I thought he was going to let it go, but then he did it again and even grabbed me between the legs, several times. Eventually I got him off me.
That evening I had an oppressive feeling and became ill. That's why I had a lump in my throat all the time and couldn't breathe well. At one point, he put his head on my chest, while also laying down on me and putting his whole weight on top of me, which made it difficult for me to breathe. When it became increasingly difficult to breathe, I had a panic attack in his arms. I didn't want to be touched or spoken to, I just wanted to be left alone, I wanted to go home. I cried for hours that night.
How must he feel knowing his then girlfriend had a panic attack and cried in your bed for hours because of what you did to her.
What made him do that? We used to spend every night together on calls and on FaceTime countless times. He was never like that. He told me he was disgusted by people who forcefully initiate something intimate and do things without consent, as we had discussed before. Would he really put so much effort into talking to me just to do something like this?
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