Help my sn was discovered. threat of being sent to psych ward. what do i do

[namida]

i'm so fucking stupid. i knew my SN was going to arrive soon but i stupidly was too lazy to get dressed and go get the mail while my grandma was out. she got the mail, and opened the package. she NEVER opens my packages, so this feels like a very cruel act of god or something. but anyway, the big red warning label on the SN packet was what tipped her off. i knew this was a possibility, but i thought she wouldn't know what it was and just bring the package to me like she does with everything else i order online. the outer packaging didn't have anything that screams "DEADLY SUBSTANCE INSIDE" on it, so i just have really shitty luck that she happened to open it. i had to rip the package away from her and that's the only reason i have it.

she clearly knew what i bought it for, there's no way i can convince her that i simply bought it for cooking. she knows i'm suicidal. she's threatened to call the police if i don't give it to her. i think the only reason she hasn't so far, is because she knows just how garbage the psychiatric ward in my area is and doesn't want me to get sent back there. i don't think i could convince the police that it's just a harmless cooking preservative, because the police have been called to my house many times over suicide attempts. even if it's legal to own, i'm sure there's some loophole they could use to take it away and send me to some shitty institution.

basically, everything was going according to plan until now. now everything's fucked and i don't know if i can keep getting away with hiding the SN until my end date. i absolutely cannot take the SN before the 15th of this month, as badly as i wish i could right now. i'm afraid to leave my room or even go to sleep because she could come in and take it.

i'm not going to disclose exactly where it is, on the small chance that somehow someone i know is reading this, but i'll say that it's not in any drawer or typical place to store things. i'm still very worried she could find it and it would all be over. this is my last hope of escaping the shitty reality i live in.

does anyone have any advice for how i can hold out until my end date?? 2 weeks is a lot of time that something could go horribly wrong in. i cannot go back to the psych ward, no amount of therapy or medication will help me and i just want to be gone. i don't know what i'm going to do if i can't ctb this way, no other methods have worked. im too much of a coward. i really think SN is the only solution for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that the only thing that you really can do is make sure that the SN is well hidden so that there is no chance of it being found until you plan to ctb. But that does sound like such an awful situation to be in and it must be so stressful. I hate how other people think they have the right to interfere in ctb plans, the reality is that nobody should feel forced to stay here, and suicide should be accepted as being a personal decision.

 

[Infinite Conscious]

Switch the packages.
Put table salt in the SN bottle, while store SN elsewhere.
And "hide" the bottle(s) somewhere you know she will find it.
But you will be left with the real stuff, which should not expire in 15-20 days, however packaged.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

If they're determined to send you away, ask to go to a day or outpatient program. Maybe even offer. That way the time passes but you get to go home every night.

Carry it with you if you have to - put it in your bra.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Do you have a car you can keep the SN in? Assuming it's not terribly hot where you are right now. Then you can just make sure you have the keys at all times.

 

[ImCold]

The worst thing about the psychward watch rooms, is that everything is designed with suicide prevention engineering. The sink is just a hole in the wall, no sharp corners or edges. The floor and wall is padded and soft. The toilet is either just a hole in the floor or a soft rubber seat which is sloped at an angle so you cant hang yourself from it. No blankets, no sheets, a thick canvas smock sewed in thick and full of cotton. I thought about my remaining ways to ctb, bite off tongue maybe bite wrist or something but Theres usually a camera too. This is the most crushing feeling I have ever felt in my life. The worst torture you can put someone through is taunting them by holding them in a place that offers no escape.