Mugara
if i count to ten, will it all go away?
- Sep 12, 2018
- 42
Hi everyone.
I finally was able to gain access to the net so I could post my story.
03.02.25 I tried to ctb using SN. After years of researching the method on and off, I decided to stick to a preferable, common way to execute it.
I purchased 1kg of chemical grade SN and a fish tank testing kit, went to test the purity immediately and it turned bright pink, the color was a bit off compared to the included scale but I guess it was pure enough to proceed with it.
As for medication, I originally wanted to take all of the precautions so I wrote down a list of necessary items such as antacid, meto, paracetamol and a random benzo, I was able to get meto quite easily in the first pharmacy I stumbled upon.
But I ended up not taking anything at all. I wanted try SN out so I diluted 25g of SN if 50ml of water and drank about 10ml. I could feel my heart pumping, slight disorientation, growing confusion, but frankly it started to become enjoyable. I took the mixture and 3x10 meto pills with me and I called a cab to go meet my colleague because I needed to pass him something. He saw me in distress and asked if everything is okay. I dismissed his concerns, we said our goodbyes and I called another cab to a nearby city to continue the evening with my bf.
When I arrived, I felt this raw urge to chug down the remaining liquid. I swallowed said meto pills and drank about 25ml more before my arms started to shake violently, I somehow managed to cap the bottle and walked to my bf's house. I dialed his appartment and crawled 5 stories, finally emerging at his front door. I went in, laughed and bragged how pale my hands looked, how rapidly my fingernails turn blue, he grabbed me in his arms and brought on a sofa, then asked me what I took. I could feel my heart ravaging in my chest, my consiosness starting to slip, but I gathered all of the remaining strenght to answer him. I caught myself on a thought I wasn't nauseous at all, so maybe 48 hours of meto is not a necessity. We sat like that for a short while, then he suddenly ran to bring water bottles and activated charcoal, dragged me to the toilet and shouted to drink. I drank, he put his fingers in my throat but nothing would come out. About two bottles in, I vomited, drank again, vomited more. I probably passed out in the process multiple times. He said he will call an ambulence if I don't get better in 5 minutes. I cried "no, please, they will put me in a mental ward" but he wouldn't listen. He dragged me back to a living room and I was able to catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror: my skin was greenish, lips were deep blue, like I was gone for at least 24 hours. It amused me, I felt very euphoric and that was it. I faintly remember what occured next. I could hear people running, screaming, giving me more water, putting things in my mouth, me groaning from acute stomach pain, fighting with someone, vomiting more, them asking if I could walk, me falling after briefly standing up, them putting me on stretcher and carrying me to the ambulance car. Someone put the oxygen mask over my face. In the ER they stripped me down, moved me somewhere dark, made rough attempts to insert nasogastric tube injuring me from the inside, causing me to vomit blood, missing the vein trying to put me on IV and my arm bloating up, then I was tied up to the bed, and the catheter was put in my urethra. In the next 48 hours I was held in the ER, I couldn't sleep, I felt immense pain inside like the tube was poking my lungs so I constantly tried to remove it, cried and screamed violently to no avail. I was also on the oxygen cannula. I don't know if they used methylene blue at all coz no one knew what I took even after me specifying it. They tried to feed me some porridge, but I couldn't swallow, so I was fed through the tube. Many people were coming in, asking me what happened, I didn't communicate much. Somewhere along the lines I was told my mother is coming. She indeed came with my SO and I wasn't able to recognize them well, but I recall being told I look better with regular skin color.
I was released to a hospital when my condition stabilized and discharged on 10th. My stomach and git were upset for a week, my bloodwork came alright thought I have to take another look to be sure, I can't find willpower to do anything. My oxygen levels are stable. I will do MRI later to see if hypoxia affected my brain in any way. All my relatives know what I've done and are helping me, though they took away my phone. I was transfered to my aunt's house in a different city, she suggested a good clinic where I can get necessary attention and treatment. I have zero hope for recovery and I still want to cease my existence. Even more so. But I'm willing to give myself a chance. My treatment starts on 18th.
As my loved one said, I was very close to dying, my heartbeat went from 195 to 40 back and forth, on ecg it even showed a straight line for a moment, saturation levels were below 65, medics were afraid I wouldn't make it and almost gave up. What saved me probably was a lower dose and a swift decision to start emptying my stomach before the medical team arrived. Somehow I didn't end up in the psych ward, but they called my mother, blackmailing her to give my number and reveal my current location .
TL;DR I survived SN poisoning after consuming 35ml out of 50ml and recovered in 9 days.
I finally was able to gain access to the net so I could post my story.
03.02.25 I tried to ctb using SN. After years of researching the method on and off, I decided to stick to a preferable, common way to execute it.
I purchased 1kg of chemical grade SN and a fish tank testing kit, went to test the purity immediately and it turned bright pink, the color was a bit off compared to the included scale but I guess it was pure enough to proceed with it.
As for medication, I originally wanted to take all of the precautions so I wrote down a list of necessary items such as antacid, meto, paracetamol and a random benzo, I was able to get meto quite easily in the first pharmacy I stumbled upon.
But I ended up not taking anything at all. I wanted try SN out so I diluted 25g of SN if 50ml of water and drank about 10ml. I could feel my heart pumping, slight disorientation, growing confusion, but frankly it started to become enjoyable. I took the mixture and 3x10 meto pills with me and I called a cab to go meet my colleague because I needed to pass him something. He saw me in distress and asked if everything is okay. I dismissed his concerns, we said our goodbyes and I called another cab to a nearby city to continue the evening with my bf.
When I arrived, I felt this raw urge to chug down the remaining liquid. I swallowed said meto pills and drank about 25ml more before my arms started to shake violently, I somehow managed to cap the bottle and walked to my bf's house. I dialed his appartment and crawled 5 stories, finally emerging at his front door. I went in, laughed and bragged how pale my hands looked, how rapidly my fingernails turn blue, he grabbed me in his arms and brought on a sofa, then asked me what I took. I could feel my heart ravaging in my chest, my consiosness starting to slip, but I gathered all of the remaining strenght to answer him. I caught myself on a thought I wasn't nauseous at all, so maybe 48 hours of meto is not a necessity. We sat like that for a short while, then he suddenly ran to bring water bottles and activated charcoal, dragged me to the toilet and shouted to drink. I drank, he put his fingers in my throat but nothing would come out. About two bottles in, I vomited, drank again, vomited more. I probably passed out in the process multiple times. He said he will call an ambulence if I don't get better in 5 minutes. I cried "no, please, they will put me in a mental ward" but he wouldn't listen. He dragged me back to a living room and I was able to catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror: my skin was greenish, lips were deep blue, like I was gone for at least 24 hours. It amused me, I felt very euphoric and that was it. I faintly remember what occured next. I could hear people running, screaming, giving me more water, putting things in my mouth, me groaning from acute stomach pain, fighting with someone, vomiting more, them asking if I could walk, me falling after briefly standing up, them putting me on stretcher and carrying me to the ambulance car. Someone put the oxygen mask over my face. In the ER they stripped me down, moved me somewhere dark, made rough attempts to insert nasogastric tube injuring me from the inside, causing me to vomit blood, missing the vein trying to put me on IV and my arm bloating up, then I was tied up to the bed, and the catheter was put in my urethra. In the next 48 hours I was held in the ER, I couldn't sleep, I felt immense pain inside like the tube was poking my lungs so I constantly tried to remove it, cried and screamed violently to no avail. I was also on the oxygen cannula. I don't know if they used methylene blue at all coz no one knew what I took even after me specifying it. They tried to feed me some porridge, but I couldn't swallow, so I was fed through the tube. Many people were coming in, asking me what happened, I didn't communicate much. Somewhere along the lines I was told my mother is coming. She indeed came with my SO and I wasn't able to recognize them well, but I recall being told I look better with regular skin color.
I was released to a hospital when my condition stabilized and discharged on 10th. My stomach and git were upset for a week, my bloodwork came alright thought I have to take another look to be sure, I can't find willpower to do anything. My oxygen levels are stable. I will do MRI later to see if hypoxia affected my brain in any way. All my relatives know what I've done and are helping me, though they took away my phone. I was transfered to my aunt's house in a different city, she suggested a good clinic where I can get necessary attention and treatment. I have zero hope for recovery and I still want to cease my existence. Even more so. But I'm willing to give myself a chance. My treatment starts on 18th.
As my loved one said, I was very close to dying, my heartbeat went from 195 to 40 back and forth, on ecg it even showed a straight line for a moment, saturation levels were below 65, medics were afraid I wouldn't make it and almost gave up. What saved me probably was a lower dose and a swift decision to start emptying my stomach before the medical team arrived. Somehow I didn't end up in the psych ward, but they called my mother, blackmailing her to give my number and reveal my current location .
TL;DR I survived SN poisoning after consuming 35ml out of 50ml and recovered in 9 days.
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I'm sorry you reached such a point. I understand the feeling. I hope your recovery goes well and it's nice to hear your family and BF are there for you.
