My SN arrived... and it’s taking everything I have not to use it tonight.

[DesperateChallenge]

My SN just arrived today, and I have the antiemetics needed. It's taking everything I have to not use it tonight.
My therapists son is getting married this weekend and I don't want to ruin what should be a happy time for him and his family by getting a call that I died.
My anxiety has made me an outcast. I have an unemotional relationship with my family. I am a burden and a problem for people who have to deal with my PTSD and all that comes with it. I hate who I am and who I've become over the last four years. Please distract me... send me strength to get through the next few days.

 

[OkTotti]

don't you need to start the antiemetics a couple days beforehand? so maybe this reason will delay your decision?
SN just sound to risky for me... too much risk of a painful death. Imagine the pain being so much that you have to call 911 when you want to CTB.... that would be my worse nightmare

 

[johnny]

Sorry, dumb question, what does SN stand for?

 

[EndofMyRope]

Sorry, dumb question, what does SN stand for?

Sodium nitrite

 

[Retched]

Sending you strength! I hope that things work out. I can imagine the waiting is hard.

 

[Kingkelly]

My SN just arrived today, and I have the antiemetics needed. It's taking everything I have to not use it tonight.
My therapists son is getting married this weekend and I don't want to ruin what should be a happy time for him and his family by getting a call that I died.
My anxiety has made me an outcast. I have an unemotional relationship with my family. I am a burden and a problem for people who have to deal with my PTSD and all that comes with it. I hate who I am and who I've become over the last four years. Please distract me... send me strength to get through the next few days.

My SN came today too. Ugh i have Everything to do it but the rate of failure with sn is really high and I'm afraid I'll suffer. Anxiety is the devil. So sorry your going through this. You can do it. We will be here for you anything you need. You will know when it is your time to go if its not yet then stay strong. Im going to probably go with n now due to sn unreliability. Stay strong hugs <3

 

[DesperateChallenge]

I think if I combine SN with horse tranquilizer I have I am confident in it working. I have SA too but that makes me nervous because it's dangerous for others and highly explosive.

 

[whywait]

Mine was delivered today too. Just need the roommate to be gone for awhile...

 

[LostGirl]

My SN came today too. Ugh i have Everything to do it but the rate of failure with sn is really high and I'm afraid I'll suffer. <3

Sorry to highjack the thread OP and I wish you the safest of journey. You are a kind soul to take into account the feelings of your therapist and his family. I

@Kingkelly , can you kindly advise why you are of the opinion that SN has a high failure rate?

 

[Kingkelly]

Sorry to highjack the thread OP and I wish you the safest of journey. You are a kind soul to take into account the feelings of your therapist and his family. I

@Kingkelly , can you kindly advise why you are of the opinion that SN has a high failure rate?

From what I read it seems people panic and call for help. Maybe I should do more research before making the opinion but it just seems less guaranteed.

 

[LostGirl]

From what I read it seems people panic and call for help. Maybe I should do more research before making the opinion but it just seems less guaranteed.

Agreed, I have read up on pretty much what's publicly available on the net re SN and it does seem to be rather unpredictable.

 

[Kingkelly]

Agreed, I have read up on pretty much what's publicly available on the net re SN and it does seem to be rather unpredictable.

I literally have everything but the scale to weigh it with in my possession but I can't bring myself to attempt it yet. It doesn't seem peaceful and yes I mean im suffering being alive but do I really want to go out turning blue, feeling like I'm dying and in pain? It is a real toss up. I guess if I could guarantee I would pass peacefully I would do it right now but I can't. I just want to take a pill and go to sleep and not wake up so far nothing but n seems like that would be an option

 

[Kingkelly]

My SN just arrived today, and I have the antiemetics needed. It's taking everything I have to not use it tonight.
My therapists son is getting married this weekend and I don't want to ruin what should be a happy time for him and his family by getting a call that I died.
My anxiety has made me an outcast. I have an unemotional relationship with my family. I am a burden and a problem for people who have to deal with my PTSD and all that comes with it. I hate who I am and who I've become over the last four years. Please distract me... send me strength to get through the next few days.

How are you doing? @DesperateChallenge

 

[DesperateChallenge]

How are you doing? @DesperateChallenge

I am indifferent. At work today so at least I have things to keep me busy.