Mukuro Ikusaba
Ultimate Despair
- Jan 23, 2025
- 25
Hello,
I want to tell you my story, not in the hopes of being understood, but so I can be assisted and succeed in my efforts. I by this point have come to expect nothing from others except from a close few others who I consider dear to me (my family). I no-longer have a desire to continue moving forward, and only want to bring about the eternal nothingness that has long awaited us.
I lived a very "normal life" for a very long time, up until around COVID-19, I had a variety of mental disorders, but I don't think that's important, or should be to blame. In any case, life for the most part was good, and I was, for the very most part, naive, and of course, very, very immature. I digress. It was around COVID-19, when things began to change, and when the world suddenly began to become different, but not in a very good way. I wouldn't consider the isolation what broke me, rather how people acted during it. I used to be the most social person, but now I desire, and try to do nothing but isolate myself, relishing myself in it. I digress.
It comes as no surprise that during that point, I tried to make friends, and failed. I failed so badly that I actually made people hate me. Not because I actually did anything wrong, but more or less because of my personality, and how things were. I honestly never understood the pettiness of online friendship anyways, don't you think? I tried to do my best yet people didn't see it that way. I hate myself for even trying in the first place. So, COVID-19 happened, I continued to engage in these online friendships, and so on and so on. It was during 2021-2022 that I slowly became against what was "degenerate" whatever that means now. I didn't like how phone-addicted these people were acted, and how they did nothing but scroll. I didn't think they were actual people.
So I continued on with my life, and returned to school in the 10th Grade. I was stupid then too. I was still hyperactive, naive, just to a less extent. One thing I hated was going to BJJ..and people hated me because of my personality...I don't know why I even did it...I guess it was because I didn't see why not. I always hated jocks, I always hated sports, never saw a reason for them. I digress. I stopped going to BJJ around January 2022 which was good. I hated that place anyways, and I didn't really see much of a point in that sport. I still don't. Actually, going to BJJ Camp in the Summer of 2021 was humiliating...it was when I was at my lowest because...online friendship...I say all this meaningless stuff now, but I'm just explaining background.
So, you want to know what happened, right? Okay. It was early 2022, and my parents, being very liberal oriented wanted to move to a certain mountain state located in the west, they hated how conservative my old state was, and seeing as this would benefit my passion project, I agreed, but I also agreed because I kind of hated my situation and wanted to move anyways...oh how stupid that would be. I consider it one of my more unintelligent decisions. We prepared to move to mountain state, as life went on. We moved, and....it did not go well, for me anyways. I don't hate mountain state of course, but I digress.
I was sent to a public school in the city, a far cry from my charter school in my hometown. To put it bluntly, I hated it. I hated the thugs, degenerates, and dare I say...normies...that plagued the school. Everyone dressed the same, everyone acted the same, and I felt left out. I didn't have any friends because everyone, to put it simply all acted the same, all wore gold chains, all had broccoli hair, all used TikTok, and all wore scrunches. It was a nightmare, and I felt alone. Sure there were *some* people, but most of them wanted nothing to do with me, nor my ideas of going against degeneracy. And so, I just stopped speaking to them. I didn't feel liked I belonged in this school. I remember this one ninth grader would often talk to me, he had broccoli hair, and I would just play along in the hope's he'd go away.
To emphasize how bad it was, I was afraid I was going to get beat up, because I told the teacher that I had done all the group work in the project, thus failing my sister, and her degenerate friends. I wanted her to pass, I really did, but it was more or less, because I hated the other two more. I was yelled at by my parents that day. I went into a crying fit to, and ironically, on that medicine I was on, I began to have my first thoughts of dying. I hated that school, and so barely bothered with my grades, only make grades above C+, because I hated school sooo much...only going to the store, that yogurt place and the nearby Chipotle made school worth it.
It was then I decided to homeschool with the permission of my parents of course. I did khan academy as I awaited for my mother to homeschool me, but she got caught up in her job, a job which she was treated poorly at by the way. I never received proper homeschooling, and so I tried to do it myself, but I broke halfway through and became a NEET. Why should I waste all of my years working for some corporation that doesn't give a rats ass about me? Why should I care about a society that views me as nothing more than a mentally-deranged chew toy? Up until now, I was oblivious to my future, but upon further realization, it is the future that awaits me, the future that awaits most, under the guise of self-righteous capitalism, and it is something I can't not abide by.
So, I became a NEET, and so I began to lurk on 4chan and some other forums too. It was around March of 2024, that I received my homeschooling, but by this point, it was March, and I didn't feel like doing a years worth in two months, so after finishing a few English assignments, I just gave up, and never looked back. I spent 2023 more or less a NEET, having to evade calls from my parents to "get a job" like a plague. It's not that bad..and they aren't pressy pressy about it now, but it happens from time to time, but it usually goes nowhere, which is good. My father also see things my way, *mostly* And doesn't press me to do anything, which is good. I made some more failed friendships and became a misanthropic nihilist.
I long realized that life is not worth living, that humans are nothing more than animalistic degenerates, and that the passion and beauty that once was, is no-longer there, and with that in mind I have relegated myself to my fate. I plan to cease to be on April if all goes according to plan. However, unlike others, I am in this alone, for myself, of myself and by myself. I plan on hanging, or stabbing, but SN seems really appealing and might actually be easy, however...I am a NEET, and do not have a driver's licenses, because I didn't bother to get one, nor an ID for that matter. I am intent on this, and will ensure my success no matter what. If there is a painless beneficial method that benefits me, please say so, and I shall do.
I am fully responsible for my actions, and I realize what I am doing, and who I have become, a monster.
(Note: when in reference to degenerates, I generally mean thugs, tiktokers, sexual degenerates; cuckoldry, pedophilies and the like, please do not take this to mean that I am homophobic or transphobic, thanks)
(Note 2:) I forgot to mention this, but before anymore people respond, my sister was raped sometime around October-November 2023 by the same people who went to my school. I forgot to bring that up...I sincerely apologize...it traumatized me and my family dearly, I think this should be a post of its own. I'll explain it later on.
(IMPORTANT: PLEASE SEE PART II here IT IS IMPORTANT TO MY SITUATION)
I want to tell you my story, not in the hopes of being understood, but so I can be assisted and succeed in my efforts. I by this point have come to expect nothing from others except from a close few others who I consider dear to me (my family). I no-longer have a desire to continue moving forward, and only want to bring about the eternal nothingness that has long awaited us.
I lived a very "normal life" for a very long time, up until around COVID-19, I had a variety of mental disorders, but I don't think that's important, or should be to blame. In any case, life for the most part was good, and I was, for the very most part, naive, and of course, very, very immature. I digress. It was around COVID-19, when things began to change, and when the world suddenly began to become different, but not in a very good way. I wouldn't consider the isolation what broke me, rather how people acted during it. I used to be the most social person, but now I desire, and try to do nothing but isolate myself, relishing myself in it. I digress.
It comes as no surprise that during that point, I tried to make friends, and failed. I failed so badly that I actually made people hate me. Not because I actually did anything wrong, but more or less because of my personality, and how things were. I honestly never understood the pettiness of online friendship anyways, don't you think? I tried to do my best yet people didn't see it that way. I hate myself for even trying in the first place. So, COVID-19 happened, I continued to engage in these online friendships, and so on and so on. It was during 2021-2022 that I slowly became against what was "degenerate" whatever that means now. I didn't like how phone-addicted these people were acted, and how they did nothing but scroll. I didn't think they were actual people.
So I continued on with my life, and returned to school in the 10th Grade. I was stupid then too. I was still hyperactive, naive, just to a less extent. One thing I hated was going to BJJ..and people hated me because of my personality...I don't know why I even did it...I guess it was because I didn't see why not. I always hated jocks, I always hated sports, never saw a reason for them. I digress. I stopped going to BJJ around January 2022 which was good. I hated that place anyways, and I didn't really see much of a point in that sport. I still don't. Actually, going to BJJ Camp in the Summer of 2021 was humiliating...it was when I was at my lowest because...online friendship...I say all this meaningless stuff now, but I'm just explaining background.
So, you want to know what happened, right? Okay. It was early 2022, and my parents, being very liberal oriented wanted to move to a certain mountain state located in the west, they hated how conservative my old state was, and seeing as this would benefit my passion project, I agreed, but I also agreed because I kind of hated my situation and wanted to move anyways...oh how stupid that would be. I consider it one of my more unintelligent decisions. We prepared to move to mountain state, as life went on. We moved, and....it did not go well, for me anyways. I don't hate mountain state of course, but I digress.
I was sent to a public school in the city, a far cry from my charter school in my hometown. To put it bluntly, I hated it. I hated the thugs, degenerates, and dare I say...normies...that plagued the school. Everyone dressed the same, everyone acted the same, and I felt left out. I didn't have any friends because everyone, to put it simply all acted the same, all wore gold chains, all had broccoli hair, all used TikTok, and all wore scrunches. It was a nightmare, and I felt alone. Sure there were *some* people, but most of them wanted nothing to do with me, nor my ideas of going against degeneracy. And so, I just stopped speaking to them. I didn't feel liked I belonged in this school. I remember this one ninth grader would often talk to me, he had broccoli hair, and I would just play along in the hope's he'd go away.
To emphasize how bad it was, I was afraid I was going to get beat up, because I told the teacher that I had done all the group work in the project, thus failing my sister, and her degenerate friends. I wanted her to pass, I really did, but it was more or less, because I hated the other two more. I was yelled at by my parents that day. I went into a crying fit to, and ironically, on that medicine I was on, I began to have my first thoughts of dying. I hated that school, and so barely bothered with my grades, only make grades above C+, because I hated school sooo much...only going to the store, that yogurt place and the nearby Chipotle made school worth it.
It was then I decided to homeschool with the permission of my parents of course. I did khan academy as I awaited for my mother to homeschool me, but she got caught up in her job, a job which she was treated poorly at by the way. I never received proper homeschooling, and so I tried to do it myself, but I broke halfway through and became a NEET. Why should I waste all of my years working for some corporation that doesn't give a rats ass about me? Why should I care about a society that views me as nothing more than a mentally-deranged chew toy? Up until now, I was oblivious to my future, but upon further realization, it is the future that awaits me, the future that awaits most, under the guise of self-righteous capitalism, and it is something I can't not abide by.
So, I became a NEET, and so I began to lurk on 4chan and some other forums too. It was around March of 2024, that I received my homeschooling, but by this point, it was March, and I didn't feel like doing a years worth in two months, so after finishing a few English assignments, I just gave up, and never looked back. I spent 2023 more or less a NEET, having to evade calls from my parents to "get a job" like a plague. It's not that bad..and they aren't pressy pressy about it now, but it happens from time to time, but it usually goes nowhere, which is good. My father also see things my way, *mostly* And doesn't press me to do anything, which is good. I made some more failed friendships and became a misanthropic nihilist.
I long realized that life is not worth living, that humans are nothing more than animalistic degenerates, and that the passion and beauty that once was, is no-longer there, and with that in mind I have relegated myself to my fate. I plan to cease to be on April if all goes according to plan. However, unlike others, I am in this alone, for myself, of myself and by myself. I plan on hanging, or stabbing, but SN seems really appealing and might actually be easy, however...I am a NEET, and do not have a driver's licenses, because I didn't bother to get one, nor an ID for that matter. I am intent on this, and will ensure my success no matter what. If there is a painless beneficial method that benefits me, please say so, and I shall do.
I am fully responsible for my actions, and I realize what I am doing, and who I have become, a monster.
(Note: when in reference to degenerates, I generally mean thugs, tiktokers, sexual degenerates; cuckoldry, pedophilies and the like, please do not take this to mean that I am homophobic or transphobic, thanks)
(Note 2:) I forgot to mention this, but before anymore people respond, my sister was raped sometime around October-November 2023 by the same people who went to my school. I forgot to bring that up...I sincerely apologize...it traumatized me and my family dearly, I think this should be a post of its own. I'll explain it later on.
(IMPORTANT: PLEASE SEE PART II here IT IS IMPORTANT TO MY SITUATION)
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