My situation is unbearable, cruel, and painful.

[Terrible_Life_99]

It hurts unbelievably to continue this life. Every day is torture. The suffering has become so extreme that I'm no longer afraid of hanging myself. When I was recently very angry and strangled myself with a noose, I was shocked because I felt no physical pain at all, probably because my psychological suffering is so great that it completely overshadowed the physical pain.

In these difficult days I escape into sleep because everything becomes too much, but then I wake up again at some point and the suffering starts all over.

If I had an instant method, like a gun, I would probably already be dead.

My method is hanging. I want to hang myself from a wooden beam in the attic. However, I still have to test a few things, and all these damn tests are so exhausting. Testing the anchor point, testing the knot, buying window film so no one can see me, testing whether anything can be heard outside because there's a small window in that damn attic... The main problem is that to even be able to test anything, I have to wait until the whole house is empty, and that happens less and less often. It all feels like I'm a prisoner.

I wish so badly I had Nembutal with me right now. I would just take it and free myself forever.

 

[slitwristsbleedcold]

I relate to you, everyday I wake up, open my eyes, I feel miserable, I've never felt such torment in my life, I want to cry so bad everytime my eyes open from my sleep, because i know i have to go through this again, I'm so tired

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

I relate to you, everyday I wake up, open my eyes, I feel miserable, I've never felt such torment in my life, I want to cry so bad everytime my eyes open from my sleep, because i know i have to go through this again, I'm so tired

It feels like a nightmare to me where one wonders when he finally wakes up and can say "Luckily, it was just a bad dream."
Its a combination of mental illness: a horrible ocd with terrible symptoms that dominate the whole day, depression, sadness and then theres my family which is annoying, loud and they make all symptoms much worse.

I am 26 now, I got ocd when I was 14!!! That means nearly 50% of my life was occupied by this monster by this devil that always prevented me from enjoying my life. Whenever the other would lough and make party i had to deal with this shit disease…..

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, all I want is to be free from this dreadful, cruel and torturous existence and I always suffer so much from how I cannot just access Nembutal so finally I can be free from the suffering of existing, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this extreme suffering in existing and it really sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope you find peace.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

The risk to commit suicide is for people with ocd ten times higher than for "normal" people. So, statistics is on your side. All the testing and preparation is obviously part of ocd. The risk to die by suicide is for old males the highest, so statistics are on my side too.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

The risk to commit suicide is for people with ocd ten times higher than for "normal" people. So, statistics is on your side. All the testing and preparation is obviously part of ocd. The risk to die by suicide is for old males the highest, so statistics are on my side too.

Do you know what I could attach to the window which is unfortunately on the roof of the house where i wanna hang myself so that it will reduce the noises to outside as much as possible?

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

As far as I know from suicide videos there will be no noise if you hang free and your body has no chance to touch anything around.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

As far as I know from suicide videos there will be no noise if you hang free and your body has no chance to touch anything around.

But aren't there those weird sounds in the first few minutes. When it sounds like someone would be strangled?

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

But aren't there those weird sounds in the first few minutes. When it sounds like someone would be strangled?

If the knot is at the back of the neck and you hang full, the airway is completly sealed. How can there be any sounds? The hanging videos I have watched never recorded gasping sounds.