I currently have 274 Mcg/h worth of fentanyl patches - meaning several 50 mcg/h etc. I'm going to continue to accumulate them in secret for the ongoing months until I have much more than I used in my last attempt -- probably 2x as much as I have now. This isn't easy and will require discretion, planning and patience. I plan to have around 500mcg/h worth of patches.
I will accumulate small amounts of money each week [I live with a narcissistic abuser controlling my money] until I have enough to travel by train very far out of this town. I plan to head to one of the edges of the country, cliffsides etc. Otherwise who knows I guess I can do whatever I want, why not go on a boat if I can. I'd first need to get a passport etc. I don't have any ID as it stands.
Meanwhile I will continue to slowly clean out anything and everything in the room until it is itemless and spotless. Not a single trace of anything about me, just an empty room than a bed and table. The computer I will destroy, the harddrives too, and anything else I'll dump or leave somewhere.
I will take the patches with me, across the country, and then when it feels appropriate just sit down in the grass and chew them. That will put me probably out cold and I will stop breathing and then die in my sleep.
Whatever happens next isn't my business as I'm not here anymore. I've made it out and am no longer suffering. I have no next of kin, friends, or anything like that for anyone to notify or who will notice I am gone except for some estranged family members and an abuser. If that one abuser and an estranged family member did not exist, I do not believe I would be identified for a long time. Nobody would recognize who I am.
The only explanations will be via ISP records and I'm hoping nobody will give enough of a shit.
This has been my basic plan for years. I've never shared it until now, as I just want to talk about it. I don't think it needs to be grandiose and complicated. This is my "Plan B" provided things don't work out some other way. I have the fentanyl and am not afraid of trying, I know what it entails and how it feels.
Every time I'm able to take more fentanyl, I'm happier about things. It's stuff I'm essentially picking from somewhere - I don't take it for anything.
I honestly cannot wait to die and for this to be over. It feels like living in The Hunger Games.
I will accumulate small amounts of money each week [I live with a narcissistic abuser controlling my money] until I have enough to travel by train very far out of this town. I plan to head to one of the edges of the country, cliffsides etc. Otherwise who knows I guess I can do whatever I want, why not go on a boat if I can. I'd first need to get a passport etc. I don't have any ID as it stands.
Meanwhile I will continue to slowly clean out anything and everything in the room until it is itemless and spotless. Not a single trace of anything about me, just an empty room than a bed and table. The computer I will destroy, the harddrives too, and anything else I'll dump or leave somewhere.
I will take the patches with me, across the country, and then when it feels appropriate just sit down in the grass and chew them. That will put me probably out cold and I will stop breathing and then die in my sleep.
Whatever happens next isn't my business as I'm not here anymore. I've made it out and am no longer suffering. I have no next of kin, friends, or anything like that for anyone to notify or who will notice I am gone except for some estranged family members and an abuser. If that one abuser and an estranged family member did not exist, I do not believe I would be identified for a long time. Nobody would recognize who I am.
The only explanations will be via ISP records and I'm hoping nobody will give enough of a shit.
This has been my basic plan for years. I've never shared it until now, as I just want to talk about it. I don't think it needs to be grandiose and complicated. This is my "Plan B" provided things don't work out some other way. I have the fentanyl and am not afraid of trying, I know what it entails and how it feels.
Every time I'm able to take more fentanyl, I'm happier about things. It's stuff I'm essentially picking from somewhere - I don't take it for anything.
I honestly cannot wait to die and for this to be over. It feels like living in The Hunger Games.
