Story My roommates friend hates me.

[Sarros]

I'm roommates with my ex. We have a long and complicated history, but our current situation can be summed up as a mutual respect, understanding, and cooperative (asexual) cohabitation.

Lately though, I've been coming home to hearing their best friend talk shit about me over a discord call. I don't mean to eavesdrop but it's literally out-loud, no headphones in or anything. (Hearing it out loud at this point is besides the point)

I've told them it doesn't really make me comfortable to hear that when I come home after work but all they're able to say in response is that it's one-sided and they would never speak ill of me to anyone else.
About a month prior, they've also come crying to me that this same friend was putting them down and making them feel bad. But I guess they're all made up.

I feel kind of stuck honestly. They're an adult and I don't think it's the right move to tell them, 'hey, I don't think your best friend of the last couple years (and one of your only friends) is good for you. I don't think it's good for you too keep talking to them' especially when they've been struggling with so much recently.

 

[TBONTB]

You are right here. But you might also be right that there's not much you can do about it. B

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

If they've been struggling so much recently, a shitty friend like that could actually be their downfall. Keep in mind, they probably see you as a friend too. I'm not saying to micromanage their friendgroup, but... there's nothing wrong with framing it as a "friendly worry" that "your friend is putting stress on you." If they say no, don't push it. But sometimes all they need is that thought in their mind to begin the process...

Just make sure they understand that you'll support them either way. You just want them to not get bogged down by a friend who isn't emotionally stable enough to be conpassionate.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Are they on like a zoom call or on speaker phone or something? Maybe you could go in the other direction. So- make it obvious to this other 'friend' you are there. You probably wouldn't even have to confront them. You could go in the opposite direction and be really nice to them. Bullies are often cowards. If they are caught in the act of bullying, it can frighten them. With luck- enough to stop them.

Not meaning to berate your room mate friend but- they ought really to just say they aren't confortable bitching about other friends behind their backs. But, I guess they may not feel strong enough to do that. Especially with a person who seems to turn on people.

They don't seem like a great person for your room mate to be friends with but then, we can't really tell one another what friends to keep.