I was in a day clinic several months ago. I was close to collapsing because part time college is triggering the shit out of me. I studied 2,5 years but deteriorated more and more. I have went through hell. I also had a benzo withdrawal while studying and kept going. In my fifth semester I developed somatic issue like no more hunger. I was acute suicidal because I could not cope anymore with going to college. The social interactions triggered me a lot too.
After explaining my story the staff in the clinic was shocked. Tbh this all resembled torture. They tested my heart rate and blood pressure and both values were very concerning. I also had some other somatic and mental health issues.
The last 4 months I had nothing to do. I try to recover so that I can go back to college. Today I looked up which courses I could take. But I became anxious about going back to this hell hole. Admittedly it is quite hot in Germany in my room it 25 degree celsius but it feels way hotter. Sometimes I had the feeling I might fade out. Never did that in my life. But I know the feeling of being close to it very welll. I did not feel good to day at least.
I went to my mom who has a blood pressure monitor. Surprisingly my blood pressure was good 108 t0 72. But my pulse was a disaster 132. I am doing nothing all day. I lay on my bed watching youtube in a warm room. I have no AC it is not widespread in Germany. My mom told me I have to go immediately to a doctor. I replied the doctors in the clinic also did not do anything about it. Her reply annoyed me and made me slightly angry. So we measured again and I hit 142 (or 144 I am not fully sure). So I hit the jackpot. I wish someone gave me a price for the highest resting heart rate there is. I do no sports no excercise.s I lay all day and night in my bed. But I am really thin and somewhat close of being underweight.
So how bad is that? Lol. I read heat can increase the heart rate by 20.
After explaining my story the staff in the clinic was shocked. Tbh this all resembled torture. They tested my heart rate and blood pressure and both values were very concerning. I also had some other somatic and mental health issues.
The last 4 months I had nothing to do. I try to recover so that I can go back to college. Today I looked up which courses I could take. But I became anxious about going back to this hell hole. Admittedly it is quite hot in Germany in my room it 25 degree celsius but it feels way hotter. Sometimes I had the feeling I might fade out. Never did that in my life. But I know the feeling of being close to it very welll. I did not feel good to day at least.
I went to my mom who has a blood pressure monitor. Surprisingly my blood pressure was good 108 t0 72. But my pulse was a disaster 132. I am doing nothing all day. I lay on my bed watching youtube in a warm room. I have no AC it is not widespread in Germany. My mom told me I have to go immediately to a doctor. I replied the doctors in the clinic also did not do anything about it. Her reply annoyed me and made me slightly angry. So we measured again and I hit 142 (or 144 I am not fully sure). So I hit the jackpot. I wish someone gave me a price for the highest resting heart rate there is. I do no sports no excercise.s I lay all day and night in my bed. But I am really thin and somewhat close of being underweight.
So how bad is that? Lol. I read heat can increase the heart rate by 20.
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