My relationship is over...

[lost_soul83]

Let me start by saying that my brother died October 7th, 2018 of a drug overdose. He'd struggled with addiction for over 15 years and it finally took his life. He and I had always been incredibly close, so it's been extremely difficult to lose him. But at the same time, I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. He's free.....and I'd like to join him.

But anyway, my brother's death was the straw that finally broke my back. I kinda just started to give up and fell head first into a deep, dark depression and this is where I've been ever since. My boyfriend just can't handle that. He just wants me to be happy and apparently I'm not getting happy again quickly enough for him, so I'm making him unhappy. Now don't get me wrong, he's had to watch me go through a lot over the course of our 15 year relationship, and he's stuck by me through all of it, but I just don't think he can take it anymore. On one hand I'm angry with him because there's nothing I can do to make my mental health issues go away and magically be happy again. On the other hand, I feel horrible that I can't make him happy like I once did. I told him that I'd break up with him so that he could find someone else to make him happy, even though I didn't want to break up. He deserves to be happy more than anyone I've ever known. He shouldn't be stuck with someone that may never be happy again and may never have the ability to make him happy again.

I'm thinking of ctb tonight while he's gone to work. The only drawback is my son will be home sleeping. I just hope it works cuz I don't know what else to do.....

Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[killing me softly]

I'm thinking of ctb tonight while he's gone to work. The only drawback is my son will be home sleeping.

i completely understand your pain from the loss of your brother. i lost my brother in 2015 from an overdose. i hope you find peace, no matter how that might come.

i would like to urge you to reconsider ctb when your son is home. my mom made an attempt when i was a kid while i was home and the experience was upsetting, confusing and brought a lot of guilt my way. your loss will no doubt be difficult to your son no matter what, but i think it will be worse knowing he was only feet away when it happened.

we all have to make a choice for how, when, and where we will ctb and none of us are in a position to fully understand your circumstances, so i'm not judging you, just hoping you will take my experience into consideration.

good luck to you.

 

[lost_soul83]

Let me start by saying that my brother died October 7th, 2018 of a drug overdose. He'd struggled with addiction for over 15 years and it finally took his life. He and I had always been incredibly close, so it's been extremely difficult to lose him. But at the same time, I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. He's free.....and I'd like to join him.

But anyway, my brother's death was the straw that finally broke my back. I kinda just started to give up and fell head first into a deep, dark depression and this is where I've been ever since. My boyfriend just can't handle that. He just wants me to be happy and apparently I'm not getting happy again quickly enough for him, so I'm making him unhappy. Now don't get me wrong, he's had to watch me go through a lot over the course of our 15 year relationship, and he's stuck by me through all of it, but I just don't think he can take it anymore. On one hand I'm angry with him because there's nothing I can do to make my mental health issues go away and magically be happy again. On the other hand, I feel horrible that I can't make him happy like I once did. I told him that I'd break up with him so that he could find someone else to make him happy, even though I didn't want to break up. He deserves to be happy more than anyone I've ever known. He shouldn't be stuck with someone that may never be happy again and may never have the ability to make him happy again.

I'm thinking of ctb tonight while he's gone to work. The only drawback is my son will be home sleeping. I just hope it works cuz I don't know what else to do.....

i completely understand your pain from the loss of your brother. i lost my brother in 2015 from an overdose. i hope you find peace, no matter how that might come.

i would like to urge you to reconsider ctb when your son is home. my mom made an attempt when i was a kid while i was home and the experience was upsetting, confusing and brought a lot of guilt my way. your loss will no doubt be difficult to your son no matter what, but i think it will be worse knowing he was only feet away when it happened.

we all have to make a choice for how, when, and where we will ctb and none of us are in a position to fully understand your circumstances, so i'm not judging you, just hoping you will take my experience into consideration.

good luck to you.

Let me start by saying my son is disabled, physically and mentally. He's 16, but he has the cognitive age of a toddler. He can't speak or eat or do pretty much anything on his own. And he'd be sleeping when I did this so he wouldn't even know what was going on. He hates me anyway so I don't think he'd care if he never saw me again.
My plan is to OD on the methadone I've got here (1100mg) plus a little Valium and then I'd either pass out in the bathtub, do a partial hanging or pass out outside (it's below zero Fahrenheit here right now), so hopefully it wouldn't take long to freeze to death. Would this be enough to kill me?