Story My recovery, for now

[Exact Change]

I went to my friend's funeral last month. He CTB by gun and left behind two older children and a wife. He was distraught over the money and career. He went from big money to big debt. He couldn't deal with what his life became and I'm angry and sad. It brought me closer to what effect CTB has on those left behind. I know we can't place ourselves in each other's shoes but I can't help to think he should still be here and he could have fixed everything that was going wrong. The shame and guilt he was carrying would have passed and been forgiven by everyone who knew him. I just don't think he could forgive himself. I want to sit and get drunk with him again and then punch him in the face for leaving.

Then, I saw a video of an old man in his 90s who got a traffic ticket as he was going to pick up his son (in his 70s) to bring him to chemotherapy. To be able to be there for his son, especially at his age is truly a blessing. It reminded me that life happens to all of us and I want to be able to help my kids, now when they are younger and later when they are old. In the meantime, it doesn't matter how miserable I am. At this moment, all I can think of is that I want to always be available for my kids.

 

[Sulyya]

That is good of you. I feel awful that your friend isn't there now - you're right about the effects. I hope his family can recover from what happened as well.

 

[timf]

A lot of people do not appreciate the impact debt can have. Our recent economy has placed millions of people in an increasing debt struggle. However, there can be life after bankruptcy and people harassing you to "pay up" can be put off with something like, "If you and a judge can find any money, lets go to court because I would like to find it as well."

Often people dealing with debt do it in silence and alone. There can be a sense of shame and failure. This is where one can benefit from some encouragement in seeing that it is not the end of the world. Even if one is isolated, it may be possible to find a support group through a church or a volunteer group like;

Debtors Anonymous - 12-Step Debtor Support Group

Debtors Anonymous (DA) is a well-known, 12-step recovery program with peer support for people in debt. DA is mainly based on Alcoholics Anonymous and follows the same format.

recovery.org

I don't know anything about the debtors aa group, but I thought there must be one. so I found this link online. Even more than the mechanics of dealing with debt, connecting with others for mutual support can be a real boost.

 

[guayabas]

I'm sorry you lost your friend. I've lost a few recently too and get being angry with them. One ODed. As far as we know it was accidental. Another CTB. I'm glad you're sticking around to be there for your family.

I also wanna throw out there, at least in the US (student loans excluded), debts go away after 7 years as long as you don't pay them. I got sued for not paying off a credit card 10yrs ago and I have good credit now. I just didn't answer my phone for 7 years lmao. You can sometimes get your wages garnished though. idk what the rules are for that, like idk if it counts as a payment and if the 7 year count starts over after that. But something to look into for anyone who's thinking about CTB over debts. sometimes it's more about pride/shame though. I think it can be helpful for us to redefine success for ourselves in a way that's not defined by status.

anyways, I hope you're able to find healing