So this is a long running saga. Today I'm supposed to take out a restraining order against my neo Nazi rapist stalker pedophile (probably zoophile too) ex. And it's not worth it.
She's someone that's just all around bad news. I met her on New Years 2018-19, and we hooked up. After that for the next couple days my anxiety skyrocketed around her. I could sense bad vibes. But I pushed them down because I believe in giving people chances.
I'm an Anarchist, and I also live by a code of radical compassion and ethics. I try to help when people are hurting to the best of my ability but 9/10 times I end up hurt worse.
Anyways I wound up introducing her to my other partner at the time, who was a trans man that I'll refer to as M. And she was obsessed with him. He's a very soft person, comes off very innocent at times, despite him having gone through a similar hell as me growing up. She took advantage of that softness and was extremely abusive towards him, and he didn't tell me because he knew that I would have turned her inside out for hurting him. She eventually sexually assaulted him multiple times, and he put his foot down. Cut her off completely. And that was that for a while because I did the same. Then in October 2019, one of my partners passes from EDS complicated by pneumonia, my primary drops out of my life, and M dumps me too. I was suicidal naturally and had a plan to kill myself but was stopped by the cops and arrested. At that point I let myself sink into dissociation through quarantine. I stopped my HRT (I'm trans), I was at my lowest thus far.
Then in 2021 I start to pick myself back up. I uhaul-lesbianed myself around the Twin cities which admittedly was a bad idea in hindsight, was in multiple bad relationships but I had housing (even if it wasn't stable) and wasn't trapped in the suburbs anymore. Then that shitty ex came back. She claimed she had gotten therapy and wanted to be friends and I said sure. Because I believed in giving people second chances and I wanted to see if she actually had changed for the better. Well she had gotten worse. She was in a band but only because she was letting someone squat with her, this crust punk from California, and was abusing this punk too. She had also moved ridiculously close to M's old house in Northeast Minneapolis. A lot of shit happened but basically, this ex admitted she was still stalking M. I told her I was going to kick her ass if she kept doing it, invited the punk to live with me and my at the time partner in St Paul, we all cut her off, and that was that or so we thought.
September I break up with that partner and was kicked out of the house. That partner and the punk wound up reforming the bands I had replaced the rapist Ex in behind my back and now my only musical contribution to the twin cities hardcore scene is scrubbed from the internet. I don't even have a copy of it.
October I wound up getting my own place in Minneapolis too, other side of the city from the rapist ex. And I also got my first job ever, volunteering at a punk rock collective record store in Uptown. It was incredible. I was always told that I wouldn't hold a job or do anything big because I'm autistic, and here I was proving myself and everyone else wrong. After 22 years I was succeeding. I was in DBT therapy, I was back on HRT, I was coming to terms with being Asexual and eas planning to come out on the solstice… I was thriving.
And then my rapist ex finds out where I'm working, contacts them, and all of a sudden my world is gone. Everything I worked for and suffered for this summer and these last 22 years is gone. The store doesn't want me back because I threatened her for stalking M, she accused me of rape to further cover her tracks, and now I'm trapped back in a future I never wanted. I'm dissociated every day, therapy doesn't do anything to help anymore… I want to give up. This cycle isn't worth living through anymore. I can't live in a reality where my abusive rapist can forever brag about genuinely tearing my life apart. I'm done. I want out. I had hundreds of screenshots from people she's stalked and harassed in the twin cities sharing what she did, and still they want nothing to do with me. I'm disposable because I'm autistic, I'm ignorable because I'm trans, and they don't care that I'm punk because I'm new to the scene and never had a chance to make a name for myself. I'm done.
She's someone that's just all around bad news. I met her on New Years 2018-19, and we hooked up. After that for the next couple days my anxiety skyrocketed around her. I could sense bad vibes. But I pushed them down because I believe in giving people chances.
I'm an Anarchist, and I also live by a code of radical compassion and ethics. I try to help when people are hurting to the best of my ability but 9/10 times I end up hurt worse.
Anyways I wound up introducing her to my other partner at the time, who was a trans man that I'll refer to as M. And she was obsessed with him. He's a very soft person, comes off very innocent at times, despite him having gone through a similar hell as me growing up. She took advantage of that softness and was extremely abusive towards him, and he didn't tell me because he knew that I would have turned her inside out for hurting him. She eventually sexually assaulted him multiple times, and he put his foot down. Cut her off completely. And that was that for a while because I did the same. Then in October 2019, one of my partners passes from EDS complicated by pneumonia, my primary drops out of my life, and M dumps me too. I was suicidal naturally and had a plan to kill myself but was stopped by the cops and arrested. At that point I let myself sink into dissociation through quarantine. I stopped my HRT (I'm trans), I was at my lowest thus far.
Then in 2021 I start to pick myself back up. I uhaul-lesbianed myself around the Twin cities which admittedly was a bad idea in hindsight, was in multiple bad relationships but I had housing (even if it wasn't stable) and wasn't trapped in the suburbs anymore. Then that shitty ex came back. She claimed she had gotten therapy and wanted to be friends and I said sure. Because I believed in giving people second chances and I wanted to see if she actually had changed for the better. Well she had gotten worse. She was in a band but only because she was letting someone squat with her, this crust punk from California, and was abusing this punk too. She had also moved ridiculously close to M's old house in Northeast Minneapolis. A lot of shit happened but basically, this ex admitted she was still stalking M. I told her I was going to kick her ass if she kept doing it, invited the punk to live with me and my at the time partner in St Paul, we all cut her off, and that was that or so we thought.
September I break up with that partner and was kicked out of the house. That partner and the punk wound up reforming the bands I had replaced the rapist Ex in behind my back and now my only musical contribution to the twin cities hardcore scene is scrubbed from the internet. I don't even have a copy of it.
October I wound up getting my own place in Minneapolis too, other side of the city from the rapist ex. And I also got my first job ever, volunteering at a punk rock collective record store in Uptown. It was incredible. I was always told that I wouldn't hold a job or do anything big because I'm autistic, and here I was proving myself and everyone else wrong. After 22 years I was succeeding. I was in DBT therapy, I was back on HRT, I was coming to terms with being Asexual and eas planning to come out on the solstice… I was thriving.
And then my rapist ex finds out where I'm working, contacts them, and all of a sudden my world is gone. Everything I worked for and suffered for this summer and these last 22 years is gone. The store doesn't want me back because I threatened her for stalking M, she accused me of rape to further cover her tracks, and now I'm trapped back in a future I never wanted. I'm dissociated every day, therapy doesn't do anything to help anymore… I want to give up. This cycle isn't worth living through anymore. I can't live in a reality where my abusive rapist can forever brag about genuinely tearing my life apart. I'm done. I want out. I had hundreds of screenshots from people she's stalked and harassed in the twin cities sharing what she did, and still they want nothing to do with me. I'm disposable because I'm autistic, I'm ignorable because I'm trans, and they don't care that I'm punk because I'm new to the scene and never had a chance to make a name for myself. I'm done.
