fiora
back from recovery
- Apr 3, 2024
- 68
I've spent many days trying to plan the right day to ctb and even though I don't have a specific date it will be in the beginning of July. It's a longer wait than I wanting, but I have to wait so I have everything done and don't leave people needing me.
I've never been good with expressing my feelings so I'm still on the fence of leaving a note for my family to read, but I don't want them to blame themselves if I don't clarify why I did it. I just don't want my last words be a poorly written letter to my family, but for friends I plan on setting all my socials to private and giving a close friend full access to post what she wants on there. I genuinely don't care what she writes or does/doesn't do.
For the ctb part, I plan on putting a generator in the back of my car and I'll go somewhere remote and hidden because my car is a fish bowl so the less people to come across it the better. I will probably be really high while I turn it on to ease my SI and play old nostalgic songs from my childhood. I've also been debating on partial hanging but to be realistic, I'm probably too pussy to go through with it.
I never had the chance to actually plan to ctb until this year and now that I can, I feel relaxed about things because I know everything bothering will end soon. I'll spend the rest of this time figuring the more in depth parts of my plan like the exact location and so on. Being able to finally plan this out and knowing that I can go peacefully makes me feel so good, I am a little nervous but I honestly can't wait.
(I did not spellcheck any of this so ignore the shit grammar)
I've never been good with expressing my feelings so I'm still on the fence of leaving a note for my family to read, but I don't want them to blame themselves if I don't clarify why I did it. I just don't want my last words be a poorly written letter to my family, but for friends I plan on setting all my socials to private and giving a close friend full access to post what she wants on there. I genuinely don't care what she writes or does/doesn't do.
For the ctb part, I plan on putting a generator in the back of my car and I'll go somewhere remote and hidden because my car is a fish bowl so the less people to come across it the better. I will probably be really high while I turn it on to ease my SI and play old nostalgic songs from my childhood. I've also been debating on partial hanging but to be realistic, I'm probably too pussy to go through with it.
I never had the chance to actually plan to ctb until this year and now that I can, I feel relaxed about things because I know everything bothering will end soon. I'll spend the rest of this time figuring the more in depth parts of my plan like the exact location and so on. Being able to finally plan this out and knowing that I can go peacefully makes me feel so good, I am a little nervous but I honestly can't wait.
(I did not spellcheck any of this so ignore the shit grammar)
