my plan

[hi-okbye]

hii!

once again, i have formulated a plan. i'm hoping to get it done in a few weeks, once i complete some things.

plan a:
at night, i will leave my house with a rope, candy and water (might add things to this list). I might bring muscle relaxant with me, if it'll do anything to help. i will walk to the same spot i was last time and go to the bush I hid the bag in. In that bag is the opioid, and some other stuff. (this is where plan a variation comes in) If the opioid seems good, i will drink it, take some water and candy to help with the taste. if i bring other medications i will take those first (or after). if the opioid is bad, i will go to plan b. once i take the medications fully, i will again slowly go into the water and walk around. i might try shallow water blackout until i drown (either from SWB, or just because i'm high) or i will keep walking until i pass out, or i will go to a section of the lake and just wait. if it's taking too long to pass out, i will try to go to the middle. it's hard to swim when very high so i will likely drown at some point. i am not getting out this time, until someone drags me out.
my only concern is the way my body will look. i saw a photo once of a drowning victim in water for 7 days, she was purple, swelled up (?), lost hair, etc. the lake is half salt water half fresh water.

plan a variation:
once i get the bag, i might choose to walk to the ocean, instead of the lake. then i will continue taking the medication, go in, etc.

plan b:
if the opioid is bad or the bag isn't there, i will use the rope i brought. i will find a tree nearby, and attempt to hang myself from it.

if all else fails i will go home i guess, in shame, with not much else to do.

suggestions?
thank you even just for reading.

 

[miserablemarbles]

I hope you find the rest and peace you are seeking. I followed your last attempt, maybe take something to help with the paranoia of being high if you are able to find the opioid.

I wish I was brave enough to leave the house to try hanging, I've been messing around with partial for about a month with no success.

Good luck and I wish I had more advice to offer

 

[tarumipemi]

PUSSIO
BASHAR+MEDITATION IS THE ANSWER WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP

 

[hi-okbye]

I hope you find the rest and peace you are seeking. I followed your last attempt, maybe take something to help with the paranoia of being high if you are able to find the opioid.

I wish I was brave enough to leave the house to try hanging, I've been messing around with partial for about a month with no success.

Good luck and I wish I had more advice to offer

i appreciate it a lot thank you <3

i don't think i had much paranoia, because my brain slowed down a lottt. i could barely think so it just depended on where i directed my thoughts. at first my thoughts were random, i heard a goose and i was considering how dinosaurs really did turn into birds, or when i tried to make friends with a bunch of ducks wondering how they just SLEPT in those waters. eventually it got so cold and i was pretty high and i could barely think more than a sentence at a time (compared to my brain running 5 miles an hour usually). after that i was getting tired of swimming, i thought it was taking too long and started to think of a nice warm place. that led my mind to just dreaming about going ashore and finding someone to help me, which ended up happening. i also truly thought people were out looking for me, i heard cars, sirens, and all the lights of houses were on, at 1 in the morning. maybe i was hallucinating though, definitely could be.

i hope you find some luck with getting partial done <3 when i used to have trouble with it, i just pretended i was completely new at it again. scratched everything i knew and did all my research over again. sometimes it helps.

at least it all gave me experience though so i'm hoping that i know what to avoid now, what to do, etc.