Venting My plan is going well

[Nephis]

Today I opened my first banking account for some the act is apart of the transition to adult hood, for me? It's another tool for my death, I've been saving money for N and so far it's been going smoothly of course I'm not even half way for the full cost but it will all be worth it in the end. So why am I ranting about it? Because every time I think about how slowly its going I tear my hair out, when I think about the quick and easy death just have that deep sense of peace when I think about everyone finding my body I laugh since they deserve being scared. Because of the fact they put me in this world... Suicide is emotionally exhausting I knew that already but not in this way its almost like waiting in line for a roller coaster I just cant help but be impatient for the ride. Really I'm truly miserable and pathetic sometimes I just wish some random crazy idiot can spare me the work and kill me I don't care if it's a gun or knife or if it's a baseball bat. Why is it that when you hope for something your least likely to get it? I'm an atheist so this is hypocritical but I just see it as God's way of flipping you off. I can't wait for death what happens afterwards I couldn't care less...

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Im right there with you my delay is very looooong... feels like forever, but really time flies it will come quicker than we think.

Then finally. Relief.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Waiting in line for the rollercoaster. I like that analogy. I'm sick of the daily carousel rotation myself and there never being any reward in that for me.

 

[Death_is_Escape]

Today I opened my first banking account for some the act is apart of the transition to adult hood, for me? It's another tool for my death, I've been saving money for N and so far it's been going smoothly of course I'm not even half way for the full cost but it will all be worth it in the end. So why am I ranting about it? Because every time I think about how slowly its going I tear my hair out, when I think about the quick and easy death just have that deep sense of peace when I think about everyone finding my body I laugh since they deserve being scared. Because of the fact they put me in this world... Suicide is emotionally exhausting I knew that already but not in this way its almost like waiting in line for a roller coaster I just cant help but be impatient for the ride. Really I'm truly miserable and pathetic sometimes I just wish some random crazy idiot can spare me the work and kill me I don't care if it's a gun or knife or if it's a baseball bat. Why is it that when you hope for something your least likely to get it? I'm an atheist so this is hypocritical but I just see it as God's way of flipping you off. I can't wait for death what happens afterwards I couldn't care less...

Finally having enough money to CTB via N is worth the effort! Stay focused on Your goal: visualization might be the key.

 

[Terminally drunk]

Its not nice dying by someone else its easier an better doing it yourself.

 

[Death_is_Escape]

Its not nice dying by someone else its easier an better doing it yourself.

I hope so: I've never died before LOL! :D.

 

[Nephis]

Its not nice dying by someone else its easier an better doing it yourself.

For me in reality I don't care how I die its simply just that because of my survival instinct and preference I'd rather die by N if possible