loz
Dead inside
- Nov 19, 2018
- 19
Hey homies,
First off, happy holidays! I was given the fantastic Christmas present of (temporary) freedom, and what follows is a brief synopsis of what lead up to that.
A couple weeks ago, after I got home, I tried full suspension for the first time. I used a belt tied to a pull-up bar. Within seconds of shifting my weight, I began to experience euphoria, and what I can only describe as the greatest high of my life. This was shortly followed by unconsciousness, and I woke up on the floor with a broken belt buckle and a bruised neck. In retrospect, the buckle was a clear weak point, and I should've waited to get my hands on some proper rope.
After waking up, I checked in with some folks on the shoutbox and discord, and we all agreed that I would likely be hospitalized once my family returned home. I concluded that my best bet was to bite the bullet and endure a few weeks in the ward.
During my stay in the ward, they got me started back on ECT (which I have already tried to no avail) and they plan on going for Nortriptyline (which I have also already tried) after that inevitably fails again. So here I am just going in fucking circles with treatment again. Honestly fuck this protoscience bullshit; at this point I'm just waiting for my family to get off my ass so I can finally CTB.
On the bright side, the crowd at the ward was half-decent and I made some new friends. A couple may even be joining SS once they get out!
First off, happy holidays! I was given the fantastic Christmas present of (temporary) freedom, and what follows is a brief synopsis of what lead up to that.
A couple weeks ago, after I got home, I tried full suspension for the first time. I used a belt tied to a pull-up bar. Within seconds of shifting my weight, I began to experience euphoria, and what I can only describe as the greatest high of my life. This was shortly followed by unconsciousness, and I woke up on the floor with a broken belt buckle and a bruised neck. In retrospect, the buckle was a clear weak point, and I should've waited to get my hands on some proper rope.
After waking up, I checked in with some folks on the shoutbox and discord, and we all agreed that I would likely be hospitalized once my family returned home. I concluded that my best bet was to bite the bullet and endure a few weeks in the ward.
During my stay in the ward, they got me started back on ECT (which I have already tried to no avail) and they plan on going for Nortriptyline (which I have also already tried) after that inevitably fails again. So here I am just going in fucking circles with treatment again. Honestly fuck this protoscience bullshit; at this point I'm just waiting for my family to get off my ass so I can finally CTB.
On the bright side, the crowd at the ward was half-decent and I made some new friends. A couple may even be joining SS once they get out!
