Venting My Partner died of SN today

[HeartThatFeeds]

My partner died by taking a small amount of SN, along with his medication. I tried to tell him not to and I know that may be hypocritical considering my own presence on this forum, but he was a wonderful soul, he didn't deserve the pain he suffered, he deserved a long happy life, but unfortunately his life was cut too short after an impulsive attempt, I was with him on call, I urged him to call ambulance, but he didn't make it by the time they arrived, I heard him convulse and he was unresponsive after that. He told me he was scared, I just hope he didn't die scared.

May he rest in peace.

 

[KOMM]

I'm sorry, I hope you somehow recover.

 

[NoHalfMeasures]

I'm so sorry. That must be so so hard. I can only hope he is at peace.

You don't need to answer this since I can imagine you are grieving, but do you know if he took the SN on impulse with the intent to CTB or just to try it?
Either way, I'm very sorry that you lost someone who sounded like a wonderful person.

 

[sevennn]

your partner for suicide or your partner in life. either way. i'm sorry

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

I'm so sorry. That must be so so hard. I can only hope he is at peace.

You don't need to answer this since I can imagine you are grieving, but do you know if he took the SN on impulse with the intent to CTB or just to try it?
Either way, I'm very sorry that you lost someone who sounded like a wonderful person.

He took it with the intent, I made him throw the majority of it away but he still had some from when it split, I'm not exactly sure how much spilt and how much he took, although his attempt was completely impulsive and not planned, I believe he regretted it as soon as he took it, I just hope when he died he was peaceful

 

[maniac116]

 

[Mkeblair]

@HeartThatFeeds I'm sorry for your loss, even though it was perhaps, inevitable... I also hope that he felt no pain and was at peace. I'm/We're always here to listen if you need to vent/speak.

 

[po1sentree]

My condolences may you and him have forever peace

 

[AnthraxLover]

I'm sorry for your loss, please take your time. I'll light a candle for him right now.

 

[thenorthern]

I am here and listening. So sorry for you.

 

[absolutelyyou]

If it brings you any comfort whatsoever I can tell you'd he'd likely lost consciousness by the time you heard in convulsing (even if you heard vocalizations) so he, likely, was not feeling pain and while I'm sure the trauma of experiencing his passing is awful- you were on the phone with him, you were in his ear in his last moments, you probably brought him some level of comfort even if he was frightened. So many people die alone and he didn't have to, you were there for him and now he never has to deal with the pain he's been living with.

From the bottom of my heart I'm so deeply sorry for your loss and I wish nothing but light to you and those who knew and cared about him. I wish there was more I could say to comfort you but there are no words for this kind of trauma other than I'm so so sorry you went through that and that he was hurting so bad he acted with such impulse. May he rest in the peace his soul deserves.

 

[AnthraxLover]

You seem to be sick To share with us the story of your partner's death on the same day

OP is a suicidal person on SaSu who just went through a traumatic loss to suicide. OP needs support. This is extremely triggering, I'm sure. OP even witnessed their love die. Be kind. There was nothing disrespectful or cruel in their post.

 

[Nikitatos]

That sucks so bad. Sorry for your loss.

 

[ItsyBitsyWeetard]

If it brings you any comfort whatsoever I can tell you'd he'd likely lost consciousness by the time you heard in convulsing (even if you heard vocalizations) so he, likely, was not feeling pain and while I'm sure the trauma of experiencing his passing is awful- you were on the phone with him, you were in his ear in his last moments, you probably brought him some level of comfort even if he was frightened. So many people die alone and he didn't have to, you were there for him and now he never has to deal with the pain he's been living with.

From the bottom of my heart I'm so deeply sorry for your loss and I wish nothing but light to you and those who knew and cared about him. I wish there was more I could say to comfort you but there are no words for this kind of trauma other than I'm so so sorry you went through that and that he was hurting so bad he acted with such impulse. May he rest in the peace his soul deserves.

Do u lose consciousness even if you don't take bezos

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

Do u lose consciousness even if you don't take bezos

He took benzos, he was prescribed them by a psychiatrist for sleep (despite the fact he had problems with abusing them in the past) I hope what OP said it true

You seem to be sick To share with us the story of your partner's death on the same day

To be quite honest with you, I'm in shock. It happened so suddenly, he was there and then he was gone. I haven't even begun to grieve him or yet alone process what even happened. It doesn't even feel real. I just want all the support I can possibly get in this moment, even from a forum like this. I'll most likely delete this account in due time, it's what he would of wanted.

 

[Didn't Ask For This]

He took benzos, he was prescribed them by a psychiatrist for sleep (despite the fact he had problems with abusing them in the past) I hope what OP said it true

To be quite honest with you, I'm in shock. It happened so suddenly, he was there and then he was gone. I haven't even begun to grieve him or yet alone process what even happened. It doesn't even feel real. I just want all the support I can possibly get in this moment, even from a forum like this. I'll most likely delete this account in due time, it's what he would of wanted.

I know how you feel, my girlfriend CTB'd a month ago. It's easier to write about it when you are still in shock, then emotions come in and it's hard to even get out of bed. To me it was a week after her death, but I've also written a post during an initial shock. Maybe not day 1 but pretty shortly after. People who haven't lost enyone so close to them and so suddenly won't understand... I hope you'll get through this. My way of dealing with it is that I gave myself a year to touch the bottom and try to swim back upwards. If it won't go well, then I'll just CTB on her death anniversary.

 

[SVEN]

I'm sorry you are going through this, and hope things settle down a wee bit as you come to terms with this terrible experience. Every good wish.

 

[Ashu]

You seem to be sick To share with us the story of your partner's death on the same day

She was desperate for comfort, for fuck's sake.

 

[norkz]

I'm very sorry to hear this :( the fact that you stayed with him on the phone on his lasts moments probably made him feel less scared you know almost everyone dies alone …

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

I know how you feel, my girlfriend CTB'd a month ago. It's easier to write about it when you are still in shock, then emotions come in and it's hard to even get out of bed. To me it was a week after her death, but I've also written a post during an initial shock. Maybe not day 1 but pretty shortly after. People who haven't lost enyone so close to them and so suddenly won't understand... I hope you'll get through this. My way of dealing with it is that I gave myself a year to touch the bottom and try to swim back upwards. If it won't go well, then I'll just CTB on her death anniversary.

I'm sorry to hear that, it's so hard and terrible, I can't imagine the feeling of dealing with it for that length of time, I'm still in shock and shaking a lot, I know eventually it will fully hit me, but right now It feels like nothing is real, I just hope I wont actually have to feel the full effect of my grief, no one thus close to me has ever died before, and because I'm autistic I'm not sure hiw to deal with grief or when it will fully hit me, may your Girlfriend and my Fiancé reast in peace

 

[Didn't Ask For This]

I'm sorry to hear that, it's so hard and terrible, I can't imagine the feeling of dealing with it for that length of time, I'm still in shock and shaking a lot, I know eventually it will fully hit me, but right now It feels like nothing is real, I just hope I wont actually have to feel the full effect of my grief, no one thus close to me has ever died before, and because I'm autistic I'm not sure hiw to deal with grief or when it will fully hit me, may your Girlfriend and my Fiancé reast in peace

Yeah I know the shaking. I hope you will have the will to overcome grief and find at least a fragment of happiness your fiance was giving to you. May they rest and WAIT for us on the other side so we can kick them in the assess!

 

[charlemagne]

I'm sorry. It must have been awful to hear that. Take the time you need to heal.

 

[SadCookie51]

I hope you've collected your thoughts.
I also hope your partner found his peace.
I wish you to get back on track to a happy life

Sending everything what's the best

 

[witchywooo888]

Words are really inadequate at a time like this. Sending you hugs and comfort.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

My partner died by taking a small amount of SN, along with his medication. I tried to tell him not to and I know that may be hypocritical considering my own presence on this forum, but he was a wonderful soul, he didn't deserve the pain he suffered, he deserved a long happy life, but unfortunately his life was cut too short after an impulsive attempt, I was with him on call, I urged him to call ambulance, but he didn't make it by the time they arrived, I heard him convulse and he was unresponsive after that. He told me he was scared, I just hope he didn't die scared.

May he rest in peace.

Oh my that is such a heartbreaking experience... I'm sorry for your loss...
I hope you can recover, it must have been a really hard experience to go through, very conflicting, and then him being scared or potentially regretting it when he did it...

That is really, really tough...

 

[Romanticize]

Yeah, that is a very harrowing experience, and must be very hard to get through it...

I wish his suffering came to an end, and I wish all the strength for you, you will need it. Go to a shrink if you dont take meds yet, take benzos and antidepressants, benzos will at least dull the emotional pain in next days. Dont take them longer than for 2 weeks at a time.
Unless you dont give a shit and want to join him soon, then I am even more sorry for you...


This forum has many uplifting stories of people CTB on their own terms, but at the same time is full of those experiences, which are hard to put into words..


Be strong, at least try to...

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

My partner died by taking a small amount of SN, along with his medication. I tried to tell him not to and I know that may be hypocritical considering my own presence on this forum, but he was a wonderful soul, he didn't deserve the pain he suffered, he deserved a long happy life, but unfortunately his life was cut too short after an impulsive attempt, I was with him on call, I urged him to call ambulance, but he didn't make it by the time they arrived, I heard him convulse and he was unresponsive after that. He told me he was scared, I just hope he didn't die scared.

May he rest in peace.

May you both find y'all peace.

And remember that people love you as much as you love him.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm heartbroken for you. I cannot think of anything even remotely appropriate at a time like this, except what everything else everyone has said. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss. This is so sad what happened. May they rest in peace

 

[Kta1994]

Im so sorry. I hope its not offensive but i reslly believe he is at peace.