Venting My parents are heartless

[BridgeJumper]

What the title says. The people who produced me are some really heartless motherfuckers. I should have been scraped out!
Its not like they ever understood me, I could never talk to them about being suicidal because they would guilt trip me, but at least they were somewhat capable of understanding depression.
But now I got physical problems going on as well, probably because I used to be a hardcore drug addict and put my body through so much abuse, and they dont give a single fuck about it. Not one.

Recently something weird is happening to me, Im fainting a lot, my body trembles, heartrate totally haywire, I have flashes in front of my eyes, no appetite etc, but I dont really talk about it since in the past there was nothing anyone could do, or wanted to do.
But my dumb ass always loved listening to music on headphones extremely loud (as a coping mechanism) and now I completely destroyed my ears.
The pain is so bad I cry. Everyday sounds feel like nails - on chalkboard level ear rape. Insane vertigo keeps me from even getting up and leaving my room because Im just lying in my bed throwing up in a plastic bag from the spinning. And when Im not feeling like Im stuck in a whirlpool, Im curled up in ball with ear plugs on listening to roaring tinnitus.

Ive tried many times to get my parents to understand, but nope! They just cant seem to wrap their mentally deficient little heads around the fact that Im in pain.
My father acts like he doesnt understand why dizziness makes you puke. He thinks it doesnt, and Im shoving fingers down my throat. I told him about doctors dismissing me and telling me its in my head without even running any tests and he said that theyre probably right. This isnt even the worst, hes also poking fun at me by making exaggerated vomit noises and pretending to fall. And today when I cried, telling him I cant stand such great pain anymore, he told me I dont know true pain and started talking about cancer. The audacity. The shit my alcoholic mother does is so ridiculous Ill just leave that out, but the day before I jumped off a bridge I came to her crying, asking her to hug me, and she pushed me away and told me to fuck myself. Then acted suprised when visiting me in intensive care, like she never knew I was hurting.

Moving out is not an option because I have no income, nobody that will take me in, cant go to a homeless shelter because Im registered as living in this apartment...Talking about moving out just makes them yell at me that Im a lazy, mentally unhinged slob that will never find a job or a place to live.
I guess I need to move in under the bridge, bathe in the river and sleep on rocks.

I just want to jump again...

 

[Broken Chimera]

That's one hell of a list of stuff to deal with. Do you get disability?

 

[MaybeSoon]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

Well unless you're in his shoes you can't really make that call.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

All I can advise is AA/NA and Al-Anon, there are online meetings if you can't find any during quarantine. You can possibly also find sober living supportive housing.

 

[last_tour]

Talking about moving out just makes them yell at me that Im a lazy, mentally unhinged slob that will never find a job or a place to live.

Sounds like you have toxic parents....mine were like that too. I wasn't even on drugs, and was a grade A student, even worked hard to start my own business...parents were still bad people, honestly they fought each other, so they fought with me as well, they had problems of their own, welp thats life.. i think op, your real problem though is wanting approval from people who you should not really seek approval from. Gotta look up 'toxic parents' and read a book or two about it, decide for yourself if you should be with them for longer.

 

[Abaigh]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

Bit harsh
I'm sorry that you are in such pain and they aren't taking you serious. You don't deserve that no one does. I'm proud that you have stopped the drug abuse. I hope you can get Away from them. Here if you want to talk.

 

[oopswronglife]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

This is from your profile

>In my experience no matter what youve suffered you need to let go of your hate anger which ive >thankfully finally managed to do.

Nobody who has let go of hate would attack and invalidate a victim like you have. I would bet big money you feel disrespected or guilty over someone you haven't cared for properly because you reaction is exactly what people I have known do when they feel attacked over such poor behaviors. People like my own parents who are selfish, narcissistic children in adult bodies who go on about entitlement and respect and victim blame like it's a sport. You are here so your life isn't great...but you choose to punch down instead of validate and lift up. Difference between a good person and a bad one...and it's a choice.

I'll freely note that I have no let go of hate...I fucking despise people who immediately invalidate, attack, blame someone suffering like you have and call them liars and wrong and blame them. it's disgusting and shameful. But people who do it are never ashamed.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

This is from your profile

>In my experience no matter what youve suffered you need to let go of your hate anger which ive >thankfully finally managed to do.

Nobody who has let go of hate would attack and invalidate a victim like you have. I would bet big money you feel disrespected or guilty over someone you haven't cared for properly because you reaction is exactly what people I have known do when they feel attacked over such poor behaviors. People like my own parents who are selfish, narcissistic children in adult bodies who go on about entitlement and respect and victim blame like it's a sport. You are here so your life isn't great...but you choose to punch down instead of validate and lift up. Difference between a good person and a bad one...and it's a choice.

I'll freely note that I have no let go of hate...I fucking despise people who immediately invalidate, attack, blame someone suffering like you have and call them liars and wrong and blame them. it's disgusting and shameful. But people who do it are never ashamed.

Very good points

 

[Whale_bones]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

You've made a lot of assumptions here. Do not forget that many people aren't born to loving parents. Society likes to teach us that "deep down, parents always love their children" but that is factually untrue. All it takes to have a child is an act of sexual reproduction, and there is nothing about the act of sexual reproduction that guarantees love of the resulting offspring. Brushing off every child as "entitled" and "angsty" is dangerous for those who are truly living through emotional abuse.

 

[Despondent]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

Nobody has to get into full details about their experiences.. all we can do is offer empathy and support. That's the beauty of this forum :) Nobody is perfect, and what a boring world it would be if we all were

There's nothing about the OP that screams entitlement in my opinion. We don't know the full story so we shouldn't judge. Maybe this is just ignorance?

No one knows how hard the OP has tried to get themselves to where they are today -- even if they are still in a battle, it seems like they've come so far ❤ "Get yourself together" is the same thing that could be said towards yourself with your circumstances.. I guess what I'm trying to say is I still don't at all agree that this should be said to anyone.

I'm not at all trying to attack or start a fight.. maybe I'm just a little surprised that this is commented on a forum where we should be offering empathy. Especially when some of us can't get it elsewhere.

I don't normally get "riled" up so I do apologize

 

[Arrow]

Talking about living under a bridge like it's a fucking joke.

they weren't joking

That's offensive to people who've been there.

how???

You say 'victim' when there is no knowing who is the real victim. But again me jumping to conclusions.

clearly you're jumping to a LOT of conclusions

The OP is calling their parents who are having them live with them 'heartless'.
Alot of people have no choice in that they have nobody who cares for them.

did you even read what OP said? did you even acknowledge how they're treating them?

You're right though I'm a dick for commenting on topics like these when I've said I wouldn't.

no, you're not a dick for commenting on this topic, you're a dick FOR BEING RUDE. you don't HAVE to treat people like this, you're acting like it's an inevitability when it's not.

I request my açcount deletion please.

this is by far the most intelligent thing you've said this entire thread. i don't understand why you'd lash out at OP like this, especially when they're very clearly pouring their heart out about a topic very close to them.

 

[Tintypographer]

I'm so very sorry. I had a close friend who was also a music lover and she wound up with severe tinnitus and went from one specialist to another pleading and praying. And I completely understand about you being angry at your parents. There were times I was and there never was any abuse from them to me.

I know it's so hard to be in a situation that makes you feel like crap and it's even worse if you're int that situation and dealing with ohsyical pain.

I totally wish you the best.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

Didn't your mother teach you, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I am so sorry for the way your parents treat you. That is so sad.

 

[Suez]

What the title says. The people who produced me are some really heartless motherfuckers. I should have been scraped out!
Its not like they ever understood me, I could never talk to them about being suicidal because they would guilt trip me, but at least they were somewhat capable of understanding depression.
But now I got physical problems going on as well, probably because I used to be a hardcore drug addict and put my body through so much abuse, and they dont give a single fuck about it. Not one.

Recently something weird is happening to me, Im fainting a lot, my body trembles, heartrate totally haywire, I have flashes in front of my eyes, no appetite etc, but I dont really talk about it since in the past there was nothing anyone could do, or wanted to do.
But my dumb ass always loved listening to music on headphones extremely loud (as a coping mechanism) and now I completely destroyed my ears.
The pain is so bad I cry. Everyday sounds feel like nails - on chalkboard level ear rape. Insane vertigo keeps me from even getting up and leaving my room because Im just lying in my bed throwing up in a plastic bag from the spinning. And when Im not feeling like Im stuck in a whirlpool, Im curled up in ball with ear plugs on listening to roaring tinnitus.

Ive tried many times to get my parents to understand, but nope! They just cant seem to wrap their mentally deficient little heads around the fact that Im in pain.
My father acts like he doesnt understand why dizziness makes you puke. He thinks it doesnt, and Im shoving fingers down my throat. I told him about doctors dismissing me and telling me its in my head without even running any tests and he said that theyre probably right. This isnt even the worst, hes also poking fun at me by making exaggerated vomit noises and pretending to fall. And today when I cried, telling him I cant stand such great pain anymore, he told me I dont know true pain and started talking about cancer. The audacity. The shit my alcoholic mother does is so ridiculous Ill just leave that out, but the day before I jumped off a bridge I came to her crying, asking her to hug me, and she pushed me away and told me to fuck myself. Then acted suprised when visiting me in intensive care, like she never knew I was hurting.

Moving out is not an option because I have no income, nobody that will take me in, cant go to a homeless shelter because Im registered as living in this apartment...Talking about moving out just makes them yell at me that Im a lazy, mentally unhinged slob that will never find a job or a place to live.
I guess I need to move in under the bridge, bathe in the river and sleep on rocks.

I just want to jump again...

Hey there, just thinking about some of the symptoms that your experiencing. I wonder if you may be experiencing what they refer to as Supraventricular tachycardia, or SVT,. SVT is a type of fast heart rhythm that starts in one of the upper chambers of the heart. Another name for SVT is "paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia." Paroxysmal means from time to time, meaning the faster heartbeat usually comes on suddenly and then goes away after a few minutes to a few hours. SVT can cause a variety of symptoms, including anxiety, palpitations, weakness, and dizziness.Sometimes it can cause people to feel so dizzy that it brings on a sudden drop in blood pressure resulting in them fainting.
SVT may also be caused by certain medications or Wolfe-Parkinson-White syndrome, (WPW). WPW is a condition in which there is an extra electrical pathway in the heart. The condition can lead to periods of rapid heart rate (tachycardia). WPW is an inherited condition. Smoking, alcohol use, drug use, or stress also can trigger it. Sometimes, it happens with no known cause. SVT is usually not dangerous. Very frequent episodes, though, may weaken the heart muscle and damage it over time. It is only a guess as only so much can be told from symptoms online, but I think its a reasonable guess.

The only symptom which is irregular is the flashes you experience in front of your eyes. The only thing I can think of that makes sense to me here is that you have suffered a Retinal detachment. A retinal detachment occurs when the retina pulls away from the layer of tissue in the back of the eye that supports it. This can cut the retina off from oxygen and may cause permanent vision loss if not treated. A detached retina can cause bright flashes of light in your peripheral vision, blurred vision, and floaters in the eye. Many conditions can cause retinal detachment, including an eye injury, eye surgery, diabetes, or an inflammatory disorder. Sometimes it occurs for no apparent cause. But I am an MD not an Optometrist, so I would place my bets on an Optometrist for this one. Anyways hope that helps some.

 

[BridgeJumper]

You're blatantly not telling the full story. It's clear you're missing out what nastiness you've said/done to them too. Nobody is perfect... But they are keeping a roof over your head.
If they were completely heartless they'd have nothing to do with you. Another case of biting hand feeding you. Your too old to be angsty. Suffering from entitled syndrome you are.
Make the most of being safe, get yourself together.

Jeez, thank you so very very much <3
So helpful
So much empathy
Wow, I never thought I met someone so understanding! You need to be recognized way more

"I guess I need to move in under the bridge, bathe in the river and sleep on rocks."

This was not wrote by someone who has ever had to actually consider becoming homeless.

People are correct I have jumped to conclusions by the username that this person was born in 1994 putting them mid twenties to which I think is shameful, if it's wrote by a teenager then shame on me.
Talking about living under a bridge like it's a fucking joke.
That's offensive to people who've been there.
You say 'victim' when there is no knowing who is the real victim. But again me jumping to conclusions.
The OP is calling their parents who are having them live with them 'heartless'.
Alot of people have no choice in that they have nobody who cares for them.

You're right though I'm a dick for commenting on topics like these when I've said I wouldn't.

***
@mods
I cannot seem to post in the ban appeal section...
I Have just realized I can seem to disable my account, if you could please refrain from banning me until evening UK time tomorrow please I had some threads I was watching but have unfortunately had a setting enabled so have 4 pages to sub through the few I found incredibly useful for my cause. I am too exhausted to do it right now.
If possible. Thanks
Anyway, I think this thread is clear I do not fit in with the average person here and I'm wrong for commenting in threads I should stay away from, yet I keep doing it and given the opportunity will continue to unfortunately.
I request my açcount deletion please.
Best wishes everyone and a special goodbye to those I have had meaningful correspondence with. Respect most people here, the positives outweighed the negatives I've seen people's outlooks to give me positives for when I check out of this life. Cheers.
Best wishes. ***

Noice.
You dont know my life situation.
I actually lived under the bridge. I was so cold I kept walking back and forth until I colapsed from exhaustion. I begged people on railway stations for food. You dont know me!

Hey there, just thinking about some of the symptoms that your experiencing. I wonder if you may be experiencing what they refer to as Supraventricular tachycardia, or SVT,. SVT is a type of fast heart rhythm that starts in one of the upper chambers of the heart. Another name for SVT is "paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia." Paroxysmal means from time to time, meaning the faster heartbeat usually comes on suddenly and then goes away after a few minutes to a few hours. SVT can cause a variety of symptoms, including anxiety, palpitations, weakness, and dizziness.Sometimes it can cause people to feel so dizzy that it brings on a sudden drop in blood pressure resulting in them fainting.
SVT may also be caused by certain medications or Wolfe-Parkinson-White syndrome, (WPW). WPW is a condition in which there is an extra electrical pathway in the heart. The condition can lead to periods of rapid heart rate (tachycardia). WPW is an inherited condition. Smoking, alcohol use, drug use, or stress also can trigger it. Sometimes, it happens with no known cause. SVT is usually not dangerous. Very frequent episodes, though, may weaken the heart muscle and damage it over time. It is only a guess as only so much can be told from symptoms online, but I think its a reasonable guess.

The only symptom which is irregular is the flashes you experience in front of your eyes. The only thing I can think of that makes sense to me here is that you have suffered a Retinal detachment. A retinal detachment occurs when the retina pulls away from the layer of tissue in the back of the eye that supports it. This can cut the retina off from oxygen and may cause permanent vision loss if not treated. A detached retina can cause bright flashes of light in your peripheral vision, blurred vision, and floaters in the eye. Many conditions can cause retinal detachment, including an eye injury, eye surgery, diabetes, or an inflammatory disorder. Sometimes it occurs for no apparent cause. But I am an MD not an Optometrist, so I would place my bets on an Optometrist for this one. Anyways hope that helps some.

That sounds a lot like what Im experiencing - I had an ECG done and was diagnosed with that tachycardia thing. But nobody ever wanted to talk about it to me after that, they just prescribed beta blockers to bring my heartrate down. I dont take them now because my mother told me I dont need them. And I gave up on trying to get help since doctors in the past wouldnt listen to me. When I told them about the dizziness while I was in the mental ward, which was so bad I smashed into walls and tried to exit my room through a drawer, they just told me to lie down. I lied down and threw up in my bed. They cleaned it like 2 days after. They blamed me for it, saying Im inducing it myself, and yelled at me for hanging out with people in the smoking room because how dare I go there when Im dizzy. Well I couldnt sleep being so nauseous, feeling like Im a fidget spinner! And when I cried because of it, the male nurse grabbed me, told me to stop being a drama queen, and threatened to put me in restraints for crying. In my report card it was written that my symptoms are psychogenic. What did I do to deserve so much hate??