My Online friend CTB in September & I still cant get over it

[Snake of Eden]

I lately discovered that I didnt move on from my online friend CTB and I still pent up emotions as a result. I cant put my thumb on what exactly is hurting me though. I have autism so alexithymia is common to come with it. I feel some sort if guilt i assume I also know it is bothering me that she she felt strong enough herself to ctb after finding herself in such abandoned state in life. I warn anybody to form strong bonds with people they know will ctb as it can come with some trauma. I also wonder if I can be okay with causing the same hurting feelings to people in my life after I ctb. It is not a good feeling at all, i cant tell you that much

 

[Sherri]

I lately discovered that I didnt move on from my online friend CTB and I still pent up emotions as a result. I cant put my thumb on what exactly is hurting me though. I have autism so alexithymia is common to come with it. I feel some sort if guilt i assume I also know it is bothering me that she she felt strong enough herself to ctb after finding herself in such abandoned state in life. I warn anybody to form strong bonds with people they know will ctb as it can come with some trauma. I also wonder if I can be okay with causing the same hurting feelings to people in my life after I ctb. It is not a good feeling at all, i cant tell you that much

I'm sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, I lost 4 online friends, I still miss them. It's weird to cry over someone we never met. Hope all of them are in a better place, sending you a big hug, that's perfectly normal to feel this way, my online friends we were really close also. It's sad, but I knew in the end that's what they wanted so I just had to accept that and keep the good memories and the great times we had with them.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Sorry for your loss, I went through the same thing recently, my friend did ctb 2 weeks ago and I will never be able to get over it. This changed me completely and I'm pretty much crazy at this moment. I feel like going soon too, no matter how much I wanted to go through the recommendation that he gave me, everyone and everything is too cruel to go on in general. It's all so fucked up, life and death are fucked up. I wish nothing existed.

 

[noname223]

This is an advice I would also recommend to other people. I don't come too close to people on this forum. Sometimes it is hard but many people here ctb and this really can be traumatizing you are right.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least those who are gone are at peace and they are free from suffering but I understand it is painful to lose those that we were close to. However in a life like this, suicide is inevitable. Many people want to escape from decades of suffering.

 

[CiproKilledMe]

I've been going through the same thing. I was fortunate enough to make a pretty good friend on this website about four months ago now. We would talk for hours almost every single day which I think was good for both of us. We understood each other's suffering better than any of our "normal" friends or family members. But then a few weeks ago he just stopped answering my texts which eventually lead me to Google his name only to find his obituary. I've been sick about it ever since. True, I guess that's what happens when you make friends on a suicide website but I'd always held out hope for him. He was a smart, funny and caring guy who deserved so much more than the shit hand life dealt him. And now the fact that I can't just text or type or talk to him is haunting. Still glad I met him...just wish it had been under better circumstances.