Venting My Obsession With Suicide

[PrettyKitty]

Hello my name is Niki, ever since I was 10 years old I've been struggling with suicide and self harm. When I was 10 I started having symptoms of BPD and Social Anxiety Disorder as well as ADHD. ( Which I was later diagnosed with) My life has a lot of reason why I would want to die, I've been through almost everything in the book from sexual assault to abuse. I don't have a solid reason why I want to CTB I just am very obsessed with the idea of committing suicide or imagining it. I've tried 10-20 times to commit suicide and have failed or been stopped so many times. I have been to the mental hospital 5 times now. I've tried everything from art therapy to medication to help this problem. I realize that the only way out now is to die. I wish things were different I really wish they were. Does anybody else feel this way?

 

[theboy]

Hi Niki
I too have had several attempts (5 approx) and have been to psychiatric clinics. I have tried many therapies and I am hopeful that the one I am currently taking will work.

I don't understand how people live so long!

 

[PrettyKitty]

Hi Niki
I too have had several attempts (5 approx) and have been to psychiatric clinics. I have tried many therapies and I am hopeful that the one I am currently taking will work.

I don't understand how people live so long!

I really hope you get help, nothing seems to work for me but I hope it will for you! I wish you the best and I don't get how people live so long ether. <3

 

[theboy]

Thank you
What does your family say?

I really hope you get help, nothing seems to work for me but I hope it will for you! I wish you the best and I don't get how people live so long ether. <3

 

[Hollowman]

Yeah I feel the same way, it's beyond frustrating when the 'help' gets you nowhere.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Thank you
What does your family say?

My family knows about the suicidal thoughts and can't do much I think they have given up too.

 

[theboy]

My family knows about the suicidal thoughts and can't do much I think they have given up too.

Oh, PM if you want
Sadly it is the family who suffers from our suicidal actions.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Oh, PM if you want
Sadly it is the family who suffers from our suicidal actions.

I'm pretty new to this form can you pm instead not sure how too LOL

 

[theboy]

I cannot
You must interact more on the forum for your chat to be enabled :(

I'm pretty new to this form can you pm instead not sure how too LOL

 

[PrettyKitty]

I cannot
You must interact more on the forum for your chat to be enabled :(

How much more and what do I need to do ? :c do you have social media like discord we could be friends on instead?

 

[Ki_Nam]

I have social anxiety and may have other disorders as well. I haven't seen a shrink for a decade. I was obsessed with the idea of suicide for a while, mainly when I was searching for ways to do it. But I just see it as taking care of business at this point.

 

[PrettyKitty]

I have social anxiety and may have other disorders as well. I haven't seen a shrink for a decade. I was obsessed with the idea of suicide for a while, mainly when I was searching for ways to do it. But I just see it as taking care of business at this point.

I understand that. Maybe try looking to a doctor about other disorders you might have who knows you might symptoms you thought were normal that are a disorder you could get help for that's what happened to me.

 

[Hollowman]

I understand that. Maybe try looking to a doctor about other disorders you might have who knows you might symptoms you thought were normal that are a disorder you could get help for that's what happened to me.

The problem with that is 'disorders' are voted into existence by a group of quack psychiatrists. One of the authors of the DSM admitted that it's mostly bs.

 

[theboy]

How much more and what do I need to do ? :c do you have social media like discord we could be friends on instead?

Comment around 15 to 20 comments
Yes I have discord. We can talk there in the meantime :) there is also an unofficial discord for this website

 

[Hollowman]

The New DSM Is Coming and That Isn’t Good News

Binge Eating Disorder is one of many invalid diagnoses we’ll continue to receive in the new edition of the DSM.

www.madinamerica.com

 

[PrettyKitty]

Comment around 15 to 20 comments
Yes I have discord. We can talk there in the meantime :) there is also an unofficial discord for this website

Can I have your discord?! :D

 

[H.O.Xan]

I kinda hate to say this, since ik many of u use discord for chatting etc, but i DESPISE the app, i actually have a fear of social medias, due to my early life. And abt ur issue, it's kinda f'd up how 'mental health institutions' capitalise on u to make money. And it's the same bs advice, abt basic shit all the time.

 

[PrettyKitty]

I kinda hate to say this, since ik many of u use discord for chatting etc, but i DESPISE the app, i actually have a fear of social medias, due to my early life. And abt ur issue, it's kinda f'd up how 'mental health institutions' capitalise on u to make money. And it's the same bs advice, abt basic shit all the time.

I understand for sure I have had bad times on social medias including discord I just try to block or avoid bad people! Also yes the mental health system is so fucked up and here it's really bad (Canada)

 

[Chloe3]

I can relate so much to this obsession with suicide. When I was 10 where I tried the first time to CTB (literally tried to jump into traffic) it has been like a desire to finally succeed. I tried it again a couple of times later, some attempts more serious than others but obviously failed. And no matter what happens or if I have good days, i still have this urge, this obsession of finally doing it on day. I think by now I forget the main reason for it, I mean sure there is lots goin wrong in my life rn and things that make me want to do it, but there is no main reason, I just want to go.

 

[PrettyKitty]

I can relate so much to this obsession with suicide. When I was 10 where I tried the first time to CTB (literally tried to jump into traffic) it has been like a desire to finally succeed. I tried it again a couple of times later, some attempts more serious than others but obviously failed. And no matter what happens or if I have good days, i still have this urge, this obsession of finally doing it on day. I think by now I forget the main reason for it, I mean sure there is lots goin wrong in my life rn and things that make me want to do it, but there is no main reason, I just want to go.

I agree everybody always asks for a main reason I just have the constant arge to do it with or without a reason. Glad to know im not alone and somebody gets it :( I'm sorry your going through this as well doe. <3

 

[theboy]

Can I have your discord?! :D

yes! now PM