Discussion My “obsession” with suicidal content/media

[tasmaka]

For around 10 or so years now me feeling suicidal constantly was so draining, so like anybody with a cellphone, I searched "suicide" on every site i attended.

As a smaller kid I was really into vocaloid and anime media, early songs produced mainly with miku which mentioned suicide still remain on my favorites.

Entering middle school I spent my free time reading manga and watching anime (loser, I know), I became obsessed with Jisatsu circle, pumpkin night (FELL OFF HARD), suicide girl, and a few others, which few still stick with me.

Starting high school I feared continuing the "indulgence" of this topic of media, in fear Id be judged, but Ive kept the music close to me, and just keep it to myself.

Now its one of my favorite topics to hear people talk on, maybe since Im not an active or openly ill person, but nobody irl talks about it, or if they hear the subject at all, its instantly bashing it .. "selfish" , "cry for help" , ect ect…

Does anybody else have this "obsession" or interest??

I dont believe I do this in an offensive or not way, I dont like speaking of real people overly, but art itself I think is extremely touching and probably my favorite interest..

Anyways yea, my only hot take is Ive hated "suicide boy" since the first chapters not changing my mind on this

 

[bus catcher]

I am someone who is passively suicidal and wish I could at least see or discuss my views. I believe it should be a human right to take my own life. I don't plan on it, at least for now, but knowing that I will die is very comforting to me. Whenever I am stressed out, I tend to imagine my own death and know that no matter what happens in life, there is a way out. I am also interested in Vocaloid (Vocaloid is around 500 of the 5000 songs I downloaded). I used to be into anime, manga, and fanfiction, but I am too depressed to enjoy reading or watching anymore, except music combined with maladaptive daydreaming.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I don't normally watch this kind of content, but I've seen a lot of it in 60 years. Now, I'm in another existential crisis, but I don't feel like watching anything like that. I can barely work. Because I need to work, I end up in a horrible situation. This imposition that has lasted for decades is suffocating me as much as life itself. If I can, in a little over a year, maybe I'll stop working. That will relieve me. I don't want to do anything impulsively, and now I'm being totally impulsive. The images of suicide I've seen are already in my memory. I already know what it's like.