Help My Mum is a narcissist and idk what to do

[Sinai Silence]

Hey guys I'll try keep this short, but I'm at my wits end here. I've had to move back in with her to due lock down and losing my job. I knew it was a bad idea but I didn't have any choice. There's the typical stresses of moving back in but it's already got to the point where I'm wanting to ctb a lot sooner than I had planned.

My plan was to try hold on for when my grandparents and pets pass. They're the only ones I care about in my miserable life. It's not like I would be waiting long since both my pets have cancer and my granddad is almost 90 with a severe heart condition. He's the only person in my family who isn't abusive or just generally insane. So when he's gone I know I'll be ready to meet with him.

To put a long story short my Dad has been physically abusive and neglectful for my entire existence, to me and my mum. Whilst my mum is mostly just emotionally abusive. My mum and grandma are completely the same with how they treat their family. Except my grandma hasn't ever abused me but does it to my mum and grandfather. Real toxic shit and I just hate being around anyone but my granddad. I've hardly seen him due to lock down though.

Essentially my mum just doesn't treat me as a human being, I try to be civil with her but its just impossible. She finds every opportunity she can to berate me and put me down. Then she wonders why I've tried to ctb and sh all the time. I've ordered SN and meto from a Russian fellow from an art site (you do the math), but since I've been back she's made a habit of opening all my mail. She says she's doing it because she's paranoid about covid-19 and I've told her to stop doing this which she hasn't.

It's making me super anxious if she continues this for a couple of weeks she could find the SN, the meto should be arriving tomorrow but I've got a reasonable excuse for that. I really don't know how to convince her to stop. I've told her the obvious that it's illegal to open other people's mail and it would be the decent think to do to respect my wishes but she doesn't give a flying f*ck. She just tells me to call the police if it bothers me that much, is this the only option that I have though? Any advice would be appreciated.

I'll never understand why she brought me into this world just to torture and bully me, then guilt trip me when I can't cope with it anymore. All I look forward to now is when I ctb, I just hope its sooner rather than later. Thanks for reading and any help is appreciated.

 

[socrates]

Gosh, both your pet's have cancer and you have an abusive fam. SN is just a salt for storing meats and stuff I don't think most people associate it with CTBing. Maybe you could wait for the mail man if your home all the time. I doubt she would take it from you then. Or tell her your using the salt for a school project.

I hope you feel better soon

 

[HeavyOne]

I'm deeply sorry for what you are experiencing, I do know these feeling as I come from a narcissist mother (just to complete the picture, I grew up with her mother and younger sister, all narcissist too).
If possible, try to cut the loop every narcissist puts you into. First rule: silence. Please, if you can try not replay what she says. Ignore her. And I know it's sooooo hard! Just please don't give her any power (sorry for this...but she doesn't worth your energy).
Second: create a password for your emails/pc.
Narcissist are soooo weak! You are much stronger than her! They exist only as they create pain and damages to the "choosen one".
I'm hugging you, holding kindly your head...

I apologise for my English.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Gosh, both your pet's have cancer and you have an abusive fam. SN is just a salt for storing meats and stuff I don't think most people associate it with CTBing. Maybe you could wait for the mail man if your home all the time. I doubt she would take it from you then. Or tell her your using the salt for a school project.

I hope you feel better soon

Hey Socrates, luckily they've had a decent life up to this point but it will be difficult once they're gone. I've made certain it's the trite and not the salts but I guess I won't know till I've tried it. Its difficult though because she is currently working from home and she's always in the living room so unless a parcel is tracked she'll always get the package first unfortunately.

Thank you for your kind words and say hi to Xanthippe for me

I'm deeply sorry for what you are experiencing, I do know these feeling as I come from a narcissist mother (just to complete the picture, I grew up with her mother and younger sister, all narcissist too).
If possible, try to cut the loop every narcissist puts you into. First rule: silence. Please, if you can try not replay what she says. Ignore her. And I know it's sooooo hard! Just please don't give her any power (sorry for this...but she doesn't worth your energy).
Second: create a password for your emails/pc.
Narcissist are soooo weak! You are much stronger than her! They exist only as they create pain and damages to the "choosen one".
I'm hugging you, holding kindly your head...

I apologise for my English.

It's always comforting to find people in the same situation as I'm in. I hope you're holding up okay with them and have found peace with your family. You do speak some words of wisdom here, I definitely fall into the trap of giving her a reaction to go off on. I'll try my best to let sleeping dogs lie.

It isn't my emails that are the problem though (but thanks for the concern) my PC is Area 51 and I'm not gonna let her storm it. She used to know my passwords for loads of stuff when I was younger though and would access them all. Facebook, bank account, email too. So its just my letters that she's getting into now.

Your English is great for not being your first language. What is your mother tongue if you don't mind me asking?

 

[HeavyOne]

Native tongue for both mother and dad is Italian.
Thank you for for your words!

I apoligise, I mis-read your post...I was rushing to write you and complitely skipped the second focus.
Unpleasant memories are popping in my head. When I was a teeneger, my aunt ( mother's younger sister) used to meticulously check my school bag, my personal diary, my note books and judje me for what came out. And it must sound her as a right to inspect my life. I developed a sever over control need and an ability to create lies, just to take some air. Funniest part is she is super religious!
If she checks the parcel and opens it, you may prepare a structured lie. How does it sound? "I'm waiting for salicylic acid too, with in a week. I need to combine both for mild chemical peel. It will remove death cells from feet and create a strong barrier against covid."

I do believe you are stronger and smarter than her! Wish I could do more to ease you feelings...

 

[Sinai Silence]

Native tongue for both mother and dad is Italian.
Thank you for for your words!

I apoligise, I mis-read your post...I was rushing to write you and complitely skipped the second focus.
Unpleasant memories are popping in my head. When I was a teeneger, my aunt ( mother's younger sister) used to meticulously check my school bag, my personal diary, my note books and judje me for what came out. And it must sound her as a right to inspect my life. I developed a sever over control need and an ability to create lies, just to take some air. Funniest part is she is super religious!
If she checks the parcel and opens it, you may prepare a structured lie. How does it sound? "I'm waiting for salicylic acid too, with in a week. I need to combine both for mild chemical peel. It will remove death cells from feet and create a strong barrier against covid."

I do believe you are stronger and smarter than her! Wish I could do more to ease you feelings...

I love Italy so much, one of my favorite countries I've had the fortune to go to. I would love to see Lake Garda and Capri again if I could.

I would hate it if anyone read through my personal diary, that was not fair of her to do. It does get to a point where I feel like I can't breathe when she's over my shoulder all the time. I did this too when I was younger but I was never a great liar unfortunately. My family just clocked on that I was a compulsive liar and so I gave up on that. My family is very religious too apart from me and my dad.

I will take up your advice for an excuse for the SN. She is very paranoid about covid so something like this should work well hopefully.

You've done plenty for me friend, thanks a lot for your advice