Quizzaci0us
Little Frog
- Apr 13, 2023
- 23
Is it weird that I feel extra gross when my niece is around? Before I go on I just wanna say that I would appreciate any suggestions for how to help. I'm also diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and autism, so if anything is ridiculous or sounds dumb, it's that
My sister leaves my niece here from friday to monday (it was supposed to be only weekends, but they always convince my mum to let her stay) and it really sucks. Like whenever my mum's gone, I clean and everything's fine. My mum gets home, the house gets worse, then my niece gets here and it's even worse because her and my mum sleep in the room across from mine, there are constantly toys scattered everywhere, and it smells like poop constantly. So I usually just either shower every night or don't shower until she leaves.
Both options suck because showering every day means I have to deal with getting gross again every time I leave my bathroom, which is still barely a safe space because my mum uses it when my niece is over. Showering only after she leaves is a lot better, but then I have to just not shower for 4 days and live in a horribly messy house and hate myself. Literally the only time the house is clean is when I'm home alone, I clean the best I can everywhere, my dad comes home and we're both still keeping it clean, then my mum gets home and everything goes to shit. The dishes get piled up, the kitchen island gets cluttered with takeout, and she just sits and whines about it while smelling like baby shit and making a mess of her own area.
My only safe spaces are my room and bathroom, and when my niece is over both of them get ruined. My mum and niece sleep in the room across from mine, and my mum uses my bathroom. Tonight, I was helping my mum and dad do something, and went to my room to find my niece in my bed fucking everything up. Now I'm washing everything on my bed like my blankets and stuffed animals, and just the feeling of my spit in my mouth makes me feel disgusting. I haven't showered in a week, and tomorrow I have to go see my friends. I'll also have to cook in our god awful kitchen that nobody bothers to clean.
Obviously I could clean, but it's fucking terrible with my mum in the living room. I don't feel safe around her at all, and she makes me feel terrible. The only adults I like besides my friends' parents are my dad and my real mom.
I wish so fucking badly that my sister would actually take care of her kid. She leaves her here 4 nights a week, and sometimes even more.
Just knowing that my mum is on the other side of a wall makes me feel so unsafe. I can't go to my bathroom to calm down because I know she's been in there. Even my bed now isn't safe because my niece has been here.
I used to have a lot of violent thoughts about my niece, especially when she was a baby. I thought about killing her and my parents a lot. I'm not dumb enough to fuck up the rest of my life for it, but it's tempting. Now, I just wish my sister and brother-in-law would get their shit together, or that my niece would die. I sound like a piece of shit but honestly I don't care. I came to this site to feel less lonely and rant, so that's it.
I just need to get this out because if I don't I'll feel even worse. And yes, I've tried therapy but honestly I'd get locked in a hospital again if I told anyone besides this community how I feel. I've learned the hard way not to trust doctors or therapists, or any adult really.
I'm just gonna keep sewing and hope I forget about how terrible I feel
My sister leaves my niece here from friday to monday (it was supposed to be only weekends, but they always convince my mum to let her stay) and it really sucks. Like whenever my mum's gone, I clean and everything's fine. My mum gets home, the house gets worse, then my niece gets here and it's even worse because her and my mum sleep in the room across from mine, there are constantly toys scattered everywhere, and it smells like poop constantly. So I usually just either shower every night or don't shower until she leaves.
Both options suck because showering every day means I have to deal with getting gross again every time I leave my bathroom, which is still barely a safe space because my mum uses it when my niece is over. Showering only after she leaves is a lot better, but then I have to just not shower for 4 days and live in a horribly messy house and hate myself. Literally the only time the house is clean is when I'm home alone, I clean the best I can everywhere, my dad comes home and we're both still keeping it clean, then my mum gets home and everything goes to shit. The dishes get piled up, the kitchen island gets cluttered with takeout, and she just sits and whines about it while smelling like baby shit and making a mess of her own area.
My only safe spaces are my room and bathroom, and when my niece is over both of them get ruined. My mum and niece sleep in the room across from mine, and my mum uses my bathroom. Tonight, I was helping my mum and dad do something, and went to my room to find my niece in my bed fucking everything up. Now I'm washing everything on my bed like my blankets and stuffed animals, and just the feeling of my spit in my mouth makes me feel disgusting. I haven't showered in a week, and tomorrow I have to go see my friends. I'll also have to cook in our god awful kitchen that nobody bothers to clean.
Obviously I could clean, but it's fucking terrible with my mum in the living room. I don't feel safe around her at all, and she makes me feel terrible. The only adults I like besides my friends' parents are my dad and my real mom.
I wish so fucking badly that my sister would actually take care of her kid. She leaves her here 4 nights a week, and sometimes even more.
Just knowing that my mum is on the other side of a wall makes me feel so unsafe. I can't go to my bathroom to calm down because I know she's been in there. Even my bed now isn't safe because my niece has been here.
I used to have a lot of violent thoughts about my niece, especially when she was a baby. I thought about killing her and my parents a lot. I'm not dumb enough to fuck up the rest of my life for it, but it's tempting. Now, I just wish my sister and brother-in-law would get their shit together, or that my niece would die. I sound like a piece of shit but honestly I don't care. I came to this site to feel less lonely and rant, so that's it.
I just need to get this out because if I don't I'll feel even worse. And yes, I've tried therapy but honestly I'd get locked in a hospital again if I told anyone besides this community how I feel. I've learned the hard way not to trust doctors or therapists, or any adult really.
I'm just gonna keep sewing and hope I forget about how terrible I feel
