Venting My mother would love a dog more than me

[TiredHuman]

Today my mother and I had one of our daily arguments. They usually don't end too badly as I'm used to the verbal abuse, but today it was one of those occasions were her words really hurt me. She said that if I keep responding to her, she'd slap me and keep saying mean shit to me. That I could only talk however I wanted when I had my own home and that if I did she'd be an idiot to want to go and visit me because I'm an ingrateful "daughter" (I'm non-binary and she knows). That my entire family would hate me and would be a bunch of idiot assholes if they wanted to visit me. That I'd be better left alone and unloved like a dog... but then she said that no, even a dog would be more loved by her and the rest of the family than me.

It hurt. Being in this place hurts. The more I think about it, the more I realise how much my mother, my father and other relatives have hurt me in the past and keep hurting me now. I can't stay here anymore but at the same time I can't move out. I'm stuck.

Days like this make me think about how miserable my life is and really make me want to kill myself already.

I'm tired of staying for other people. What about me...?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It is an dreadful feeling to feel as though you are trapped. Some people can be so cruel. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Rational man]

Unfortunately.we.dont choose our family. I disowned my family because of gross narcissism and abuse. I.too.was told i was unloveable and all negative stuff. Eventually, I moved home at about 20 and found love in a man who loved me and accepted me. The relationship lasted several Years and I was happy. I realise now that I was the victim of abuse and their idea of NORMAL was In fact narcissistic delusion. My parents never loved each other and what they said about me was really the reflection of their miserable life. I ve been injured by their abuse. Im sure you will understand and for you too there is light, but it can take a while. PEACE.

 

[irafamma]

TiredHuman, I am very sorry for you. I know what it feels like. Narcissistic parents are hell. I experienced child abuse by both parents and absolute poverty for years when I was a child. As a result, I was so severely disturbed in my personal development that I was unable to manage a self-determined, orderly life. It was always about fulfilling my parents' absurd high expectations under the worst conditions. The pain about it is so deep, the damage done is so heavy that I am filled with self-destructive thoughts. Because it's not over when it's over. It shapes your mindset, your relationships, your educational biography. Your whole life. Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally and break with those who just intend to harm you. Don't listen to them. Keep distance. My mother always tells me that she regrets having children. It hurts.

 

[charlottewilts]

my mom's favourite pastime is describing in graphic detail how she should have aborted and disposed of me. then she expects me to be cheerful in interactions with her when she's done with that and wants to have "a nice family dinner"

i know you said you can't move out right now but i hope you'll be able to one day and won't have to ctb. do you have any supportive friends, at least?

 

[Buffy5120]

Today my mother and I had one of our daily arguments. They usually don't end too badly as I'm used to the verbal abuse, but today it was one of those occasions were her words really hurt me. She said that if I keep responding to her, she'd slap me and keep saying mean shit to me. That I could only talk however I wanted when I had my own home and that if I did she'd be an idiot to want to go and visit me because I'm an ingrateful "daughter" (I'm non-binary and she knows). That my entire family would hate me and would be a bunch of idiot assholes if they wanted to visit me. That I'd be better left alone and unloved like a dog... but then she said that no, even a dog would be more loved by her and the rest of the family than me.

It hurt. Being in this place hurts. The more I think about it, the more I realise how much my mother, my father and other relatives have hurt me in the past and keep hurting me now. I can't stay here anymore but at the same time I can't move out. I'm stuck.

Days like this make me think about how miserable my life is and really make me want to kill myself already.

I'm tired of staying for other people. What about me...?

same my dad almost choked me one time and just as I was about to move out and find my own place I get a rare disbility "hyperacusis" and now Im stuck living here.

 

[TiredHuman]

my mom's favourite pastime is describing in graphic detail how she should have aborted and disposed of me. then she expects me to be cheerful in interactions with her when she's done with that and wants to have "a nice family dinner"

i know you said you can't move out right now but i hope you'll be able to one day and won't have to ctb. do you have any supportive friends, at least?

Supportive friends... Not anymore I think. The few ones I had that knew about how bad my situation was, well, I left them behind myself to stop hurting them. I have my girlfriend, but I don't want to put more on her shoulders. I'm honestly thinking about breaking up with her and commiting to my ctb, so I don't cause her as much pain.

 

[Foresight]

I will never understand why people give birth to another person just to treat them like garbage for years on end. It is absolutely insane. You are worth so much more than your unstable mother will ever understand.

I really hate abusive parents. It's really a trigger point for me. You shouldn't have to deal with daily aggression.