Venting My mother wants me to die.

[bath salts]

She comes into my room and calls me a disrespectful piece of shit. Tells me I'm lazy and a waste of space and a loser. She calls my eight year old sister all sorts of names - my possibly autistic and anxiety ridden sister who has had to deal with so much. And then she comes to me and tells me that the reason my sister has mental illness as well is because I am suicidal. She expects me to be the mother figure to my siblings because she is unfit but does not want to give my father custody because that would mean she "loses". I hate her and the things she does to me and my siblings. Children's aid has been to my house so many times and have always empathized with my mother because she is a fantastic manipulator. The legal system is so awful, it lets people like my mother have custody just because they're women. Although my father used to hit me, at least he acknowledges what he did was wrong. My mother blames me for every single thing that has gone wrong in her life and has mental breakdowns where she wails on the floor and breaks things almost every week. She comes into my room and tries to make me feel like its my fault and I can't tell if she's right or not because she's done this to me my WHOLE LIFE. I hate her, I hate that she's made me dependant on her by sabotaging every opportunity I had to get a "real" job and now she blames me for it, I hate that I am weak and can't do anything for myself or my siblings, and I hate that she thinks she's always right and I'm stuck feeling like I'm the shit on other peoples shoes. I should've gone back to therapy and gotten more meds because maybe they would've helped me. The anti-depressants did nothing but maybe if I kept trying and got put on more medication then I wouldn't be this way. I pushed the help away because they wouldn't stop asking me to talk about my fucking mom and they ignored the fact that it made my emotional state worse. I have no help, no hope, nobody to talk to because nobody will listen to me. I feel like the world wants me to die.

 

[cryptic_cynic]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Family really can be the worst. I wish I had something helpful to say. But I'm a good listener and I'm here if you ever need to vent.

 

[bath salts]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Family really can be the worst. I wish I had something helpful to say. But I'm a good listener and I'm here if you ever need to vent.

Thank you so so much, this means so much to me... I don't actually want to bother you though, I just wanted to get this off my chest :) Much love to you for being such a kind person!

 

[BeenDoneForSoLong]

Fucking sucks; ironically I wish my mum hated me. She and the few friends that still care about me, are all thats keeping me here atm. It would be so much easier if they hated me so, so I could just... Vanish.

If you decide to do something drastic- do it despite of them, not because of them, don't let the cunts 'win'. My death will be my own. Nobody else's, I encourage anyone who will listen to do the same.

 

[bath salts]

Fucking sucks; ironically I wish my mum hated me. She and the few friends that still care about me, are all thats keeping me here atm. It would be so much easier if they hated me so, so I could just... Vanish.

If you decide to do something drastic- do it despite of them, not because of them, don't let the cunts 'win'. My death will be my own. Nobody else's, I encourage anyone who will listen to do the same.

You make a good point here. Thank you, it's some food for thought

 

[Slate128]

Can't believe how fucked the custody system is against fathers. Clearly your dad saw crazy and noped out of there. If you haven't spoken to him in a while (don't know your situation), at least that's something you have in common.

 

[mattwitt]

My mother wants me to die also. I found a way to go on living a little longer but her and her insensitive and non understanding nasty little comments she throws at me are really driving me to just end it. Half of the time I feel sorry for her because she is a very stupid ignorant weak individual and I pray for her and half of the time I hate her and wish she would just die and go to hell already.

 

[bath salts]

Can't believe how fucked the custody system is against fathers. Clearly your dad saw crazy and noped out of there. If you haven't spoken to him in a while (don't know your situation), at least that's something you have in common.

I know, the system is awful. So many tragic cases that could've been prevented had the justice system been unbiased. Yeah, he and I have some tension because of past events and my childhood abuse but ultimately we relate a lot to each other.... He has also tried to ctb so its just a bad situation where we both get too negative when we interact.

 

[Joannf]

She comes into my room and calls me a disrespectful piece of shit. Tells me I'm lazy and a waste of space and a loser. She calls my eight year old sister all sorts of names - my possibly autistic and anxiety ridden sister who has had to deal with so much. And then she comes to me and tells me that the reason my sister has mental illness as well is because I am suicidal. She expects me to be the mother figure to my siblings because she is unfit but does not want to give my father custody because that would mean she "loses". I hate her and the things she does to me and my siblings. Children's aid has been to my house so many times and have always empathized with my mother because she is a fantastic manipulator. The legal system is so awful, it lets people like my mother have custody just because they're women. Although my father used to hit me, at least he acknowledges what he did was wrong. My mother blames me for every single thing that has gone wrong in her life and has mental breakdowns where she wails on the floor and breaks things almost every week. She comes into my room and tries to make me feel like its my fault and I can't tell if she's right or not because she's done this to me my WHOLE LIFE. I hate her, I hate that she's made me dependant on her by sabotaging every opportunity I had to get a "real" job and now she blames me for it, I hate that I am weak and can't do anything for myself or my siblings, and I hate that she thinks she's always right and I'm stuck feeling like I'm the shit on other peoples shoes. I should've gone back to therapy and gotten more meds because maybe they would've helped me. The anti-depressants did nothing but maybe if I kept trying and got put on more medication then I wouldn't be this way. I pushed the help away because they wouldn't stop asking me to talk about my fucking mom and they ignored the fact that it made my emotional state worse. I have no help, no hope, nobody to talk to because nobody will listen to me. I feel like the world wants me to die.

That sounds like a huge amount of crap you're stuck in... but not entirely surprising. Women aren't as 'strong' as they're supposed to be these days, and this is a showcase of several generation of women blaming each other how they can't cope - and the worst is, they don't even have a convenient man to blame. Jesus.
Your mother fucked up her life because she's weak and in like a typical human, totally overchallenged, and has it out on her daughters... what a royal fuckup our society and our crazy beliefs regularly produce. The social workers must be LOVING it how this BRAVE WOMAN is showing that traditional families are no longer needed... and so on, and so on.
I don't know but let me guess that you're a healthy person in a terrible fix.
Don't kill yourself. wait till you can get away and have a life.
That must surely be possible over the next years.
I understand that your mother cannot get out of this, which must be clear to her and is driving her nuts.
But I see no reason why you shouldn't.
Just my opinion.

 

[bath salts]

My mother wants me to die also. I found a way to go on living a little longer but her and her insensitive and non understanding nasty little comments she throws at me are really driving me to just end it. Half of the time I feel sorry for her because she is a very stupid ignorant weak individual and I pray for her and half of the time I hate her and wish she would just die and go to hell already.

I feel the same way. A lot of the time I try to ignore her/understand she has mental illness but I find it hard when she won't do the same for me. I'm sorry you have to deal with a similar situation :( Much love to you.

 

[Alec]

I am so sorry! I can relate in some parts of your story. My parents aren't together either but in my case staying with my mother is better than the father, which I got lucky and stayed with my mother. But even though he's worse, she is very manipulative and always tries to make me feel like every single failure in her life, her every single mistake is my fault. She always acts like I'm supposed to ask for an apology constantly because all her suffering is because of me, when really it's all her faul, all her choices. In many cases I begged literally begged her to take a different way, to make a different dicision but she would still go with her own way of thinking and she would fuck up again and then blame me for it. And that's only part of it because the reason I beg her to make better decisions and to listen to me when it comes to making decisions is because I as her son am directly influenced by many of her decisions, especially when I was a child. And I am always the one to suffer because of HER bad choices and to top it all off she come and blames me for them and then acts like I should apologize for her mistake TO her, AND she tried to make me feel like I'm supposed to support her emotionally through it all because it's my fault bad things happen to her(it isn't my fault). She never, not even once emotionally supported me, especially when I needed it the most. With time I learned that the times when I'm in need of emotional help the most I should hide it from her because she likes to use these times when I'm weak and vulnerable to attack me and try to break me, instead of helping me, she sees them as opportunities for her. When I was a child I was that support for her - a grow ass woman, I had been somebody who kept encouraging her to keep moving and to stay strong, when I was in the same horrible situation and I was a child so I needed help and encouraging too if not even more, but instead she would lean on me and then blame me for everything bad that's happened, when it was all her fault and her bad choices. I'm so sorry you are in this situation!!! I love you!

 

[Ruffian]

I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation. I used to work closely with the Social Services system in the US, if you want to PM me, maybe we could brainstorm a solution. I hate that you are here on this forum and have to live with that every day - you'd be amazed at how much you might not need to be here if you didn't have to deal with that craziness. I'm not saying leave your sister there either. I have a younger sister and when we were still kids I used to pray to get big enough so I could defend myself, but even more so, my sister. I don't know what it is about younger sisters, I imagine it's similar with brothers. If you're outside of the states, hopefully someone else here will be able to help. It does bother me to know you have to deal with that stuff.

 

[bath salts]

That sounds like a huge amount of crap you're stuck in... but not entirely surprising. Women aren't as 'strong' as they're supposed to be these days, and this is a showcase of several generation of women blaming each other how they can't cope - and the worst is, they don't even have a convenient man to blame. Jesus.
Your mother fucked up her life because she's weak and in like a typical human, totally overchallenged, and has it out on her daughters... what a royal fuckup our society and our crazy beliefs regularly produce. The social workers must be LOVING it how this BRAVE WOMAN is showing that traditional families are no longer needed... and so on, and so on.
I don't know but let me guess that you're a healthy person in a terrible fix.
Don't kill yourself. wait till you can get away and have a life.
That must surely be possible over the next years.
I understand that your mother cannot get out of this, which must be clear to her and is driving her nuts.
But I see no reason why you shouldn't.
Just my opinion.

Thank you so much for this! I totally agree with everything written here... just a bad situation because of society and this stupid double standard bs with single mothers. The main problem I have is the crippling mental illness which makes it very difficult for me to go about daily tasks (agoraphobia, social anxiety and untreated personality disorders as well as very horrible depression and suicidal ideation). Just don't know how long I can wait, especially with her actively hindering my journey to become independent... Thank you for this though, I'm glad to hear someone understanding my situation :,)

 

[Alec]

I feel the same way. A lot of the time I try to ignore her/understand she has mental illness but I find it hard when she won't do the same for me. I'm sorry you have to deal with a similar situation :( Much love to you.

I tried to understand my mother has mental illness too, but it's not easy when she lets it hurt me repeatedly for so many years. And in the end I can understand but it doesn't mean I can tolerate it and should let it keep happening. I also wanted to add that my mother ruins my job opportunities too. Every time she gets a chance she immediately proceeds to talk to my boss how I'm not very hardworking and I can mess up. But she tries to make it sound as if she's loving and just wants the boss not to be too harsh with me. WTF?! Who does that?! How is telling my boss that I'm a fuck up is gonna help me keep the job?! Not to mention how is ruining my image in a work space before I even get a chance to build it helps my opportunity?! And how is that supposed to help my self confidence knowing my boss is now walking around waiting for me to fuck up?! And then when I loose the job she blames me for being a fuck up and suddenly it's not ok anymore for me to be a fuck up like she pretended when she tells everyone that I'm a fuck up. Except for when she talks about me to other relatives, then she tells them things like I'm so amazing, and makes shit up to make me sound even better, she just wants to seem like a great mother, it's not about me. Fun thing she said she doesn't like telling her sister things because her sister will go around telling it everybody else while changing the story and making things up, while she does the same damn thing every time I tell her anything about my life. The hypocrisy is astounding with her.

 

[bath salts]

I am so sorry! I can relate in some parts of your story. My parents aren't together either but in my case staying with my mother is better than the father, which I got lucky and stayed with my mother. But even though he's worse, she is very manipulative and always tries to make me feel like every single failure in her life, her every single mistake is my fault. She always acts like I'm supposed to ask for an apology constantly because all her suffering is because of me, when really it's all her faul, all her choices. In many cases I begged literally begged her to take a different way, to make a different dicision but she would still go with her own way of thinking and she would fuck up again and then blame me for it. And that's only part of it because the reason I beg her to make better decisions and to listen to me when it comes to making decisions is because I as her son am directly influenced by many of her decisions, especially when I was a child. And I am always the one to suffer because of HER bad choices and to top it all off she come and blames me for them and then acts like I should apologize for her mistake TO her, AND she tried to make me feel like I'm supposed to support her emotionally through it all because it's my fault bad things happen to her(it isn't my fault). She never, not even once emotionally supported me, especially when I needed it the most. With time I learned that the times when I'm in need of emotional help the most I should hide it from her because she likes to use these times when I'm weak and vulnerable to attack me and try to break me, instead of helping me, she sees them as opportunities for her. When I was a child I was that support for her - a grow ass woman, I had been somebody who kept encouraging her to keep moving and to stay strong, when I was in the same horrible situation and I was a child so I needed help and encouraging too if not even more, but instead she would lean on me and then blame me for everything bad that's happened, when it was all her fault and her bad choices. I'm so sorry you are in this situation!!! I love you! ❤

Wow, that sounds so awful. I'm extremely sorry that you had to go through that, you must be a very strong individual to persevere to this point! I can understand the pressure you had on you to be her support when she was struggling - my mother does the same thing (expects me to support but does not reciprocate). I have also begged my mother to do things differently, but she ultimately ignored me leading to why things are the way that they are. Thank you so so much for this response!! I feel a lot less alone to be honest, and I love you too

 

[Orin]

So sorry to hear this. My mother is a piece of shit as well... literally told me to jump off a bridge.

 

[bath salts]

I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation. I used to work closely with the Social Services system in the US, if you want to PM me, maybe we could brainstorm a solution. I hate that you are here on this forum and have to live with that every day - you'd be amazed at how much you might not need to be here if you didn't have to deal with that craziness. I'm not saying leave your sister there either. I have a younger sister and when we were still kids I used to pray to get big enough so I could defend myself, but even more so, my sister. I don't know what it is about younger sisters, I imagine it's similar with brothers. If you're outside of the states, hopefully someone else here will be able to help. It does bother me to know you have to deal with that stuff.

Thank you for the response and kind words! I live in Canada at the moment, so I'm not sure how the system is in terms of similarities and differences. It makes me so happy to know that somebody cares (sorry if that sounds selfish haha), I really truly appreciate this support! Thank you again

I tried to understand my mother has mental illness too, but it's not easy when she lets it hurt me repeatedly for so many years. And in the end I can understand but it doesn't mean I can tolerate it and should let it keep happening. I also wanted to add that my mother ruins my job opportunities too. Every time she gets a chance she immediately proceeds to talk to my boss how I'm not very hardworking and I can mess up. But she tries to make it sound as if she's loving and just wants the boss not to be too harsh with me. WTF?! Who does that?! How is telling my boss that I'm a fuck up is gonna help me keep the job?! Not to mention how is ruining my image in a work space before I even get a chance to build it helps my opportunity?! And how is that supposed to help my self confidence knowing my boss is now walking around waiting for me to fuck up?! And then when I loose the job she blames me for being a fuck up and suddenly it's not ok anymore for me to be a fuck up like she pretended when she tells everyone that I'm a fuck up. Except for when she talks about me to other relatives, then she tells them things like I'm so amazing, and makes shit up to make me sound even better, she just wants to seem like a great mother, it's not about me. Fun thing she said she doesn't like telling her sister things because her sister will go around telling it everybody else while changing the story and making things up, while she does the same damn thing every time I tell her anything about my life. The hypocrisy is astounding with her.

Its crazy how similar my mother is to yours. I have dealt with almost the exact same situations! The only reason I have a job currently is because I applied behind her back under the guise of going out with friends. Its horrible how you have to deal with a mother like that, you seem so kind - just that you're dealing with a lot of pressure and unneeded stress from her, and have been for a while.

So sorry to hear this. My mother is a piece of shit as well... literally told me to jump off a bridge.

That's terrible... I'm sorry you have to deal with that! Much love to you :)

 

[blueexorcist]

Mine directly told me to my face to kill myself. I tried the next hour. I was only a kid— didn't know what I was doing tho..

As time went by, homocidal thoughts came along with the suicidal ones. I had plans of taking everyone down with me because my mother kept referring to me in such a disrespectful manner. It's an awful thing to have such a toxic parent who will make you feel like shit for their own issues that they couldn't fix because it really rubs you the wrong way and if I couldn't control myself, everything would've ended badly. The way she spoke to me impacted me so much growing up, the feelings inside almost erupt— but I am in control.

(This is also the first time I've ever opened up about my homocidal thoughts bc of the slight anonymity on this site so if I sound "crazy" in any way, please lmk)

I'm sorry for what you have to deal with and, in a way, I get where you are coming from. You're being strong for your siblings and I respect that 100%. They will be as strong as yourself.

I have an a brother on the autism spectrum as well as being diagnosed with clinical depression. My mother treats him just fine because he is a boy. I identify as a female... one she swore she would've drowned in a river during my infantry if she knew I'd be "so delusional and worthless". In a way, my mother is moreso directed by the sexist cultural expectations of where she grew up (China, where there was a 1-baby policy and the most "favoured" offspring was a son to pass on the "family name").

Peace and love to you!! I sincerely hope this bullshit ends

 

[mattwitt]

I feel the same way. A lot of the time I try to ignore her/understand she has mental illness but I find it hard when she won't do the same for me. I'm sorry you have to deal with a similar situation :( Much love to you.

Thanks ! : ) And I'm sorry to read about your situation as well. I hope it gets better for you and your sister !

 

[AngelGirl]

I'm so sorry about the situation you are in... but I think your life will be so much happier when you finally get to leave your mom. You just have to stay away from toxic people and I'm sorry that's not currently an option for you.
Just wondering but have you ever considered attacking your mom?

 

[bath salts]

Mine directly told me to my face to kill myself. I tried the next hour. I was only a kid— didn't know what I was doing tho..

As time went by, homocidal thoughts came along with the suicidal ones. I had plans of taking everyone down with me because my mother kept referring to me in such a disrespectful manner. It's an awful thing to have such a toxic parent who will make you feel like shit for their own issues that they couldn't fix because it really rubs you the wrong way and if I couldn't control myself, everything would've ended badly. The way she spoke to me impacted me so much growing up, the feelings inside almost erupt— but I am in control.

(This is also the first time I've ever opened up about my homocidal thoughts bc of the slight anonymity on this site so if I sound "crazy" in any way, please lmk)

I'm sorry for what you have to deal with and, in a way, I get where you are coming from. You're being strong for your siblings and I respect that 100%. They will be as strong as yourself.

I have an a brother on the autism spectrum as well as being diagnosed with clinical depression. My mother treats him just fine because he is a boy. I identify as a female... one she swore she would've drowned in a river during my infantry if she knew I'd be "so delusional and worthless". In a way, my mother is moreso directed by the sexist cultural expectations of where she grew up (China, where there was a 1-baby policy and the most "favoured" offspring was a son to pass on the "family name").

Peace and love to you!! I sincerely hope this bullshit ends

I'm sorry you had to grow up in an environment like that :( I can relate to your homocidal thoughts, no worries about seeming crazy lol, I think its natural when you're younger to want to get rid of the cause of your pain - whether that be a person or object, etc. I worry that my siblings don't love me because of my mothers manipulation and her continually blaming me (telling my brother that I'm an ungrateful bitch, telling my sister that it's my fault we can't go places or do specific things when it really came down to it being her choice). My mother constantly favours my brother as well, many people have found this to be a common theme, I don't understand why though. Much love to you as well! Again, I'm sorry you had to live with that

 

[Joannf]

Thank you so much for this! I totally agree with everything written here... just a bad situation because of society and this stupid double standard bs with single mothers. The main problem I have is the crippling mental illness which makes it very difficult for me to go about daily tasks (agoraphobia, social anxiety and untreated personality disorders as well as very horrible depression and suicidal ideation). Just don't know how long I can wait, especially with her actively hindering my journey to become independent... Thank you for this though, I'm glad to hear someone understanding my situation :,)

Hmm... that's a problem of course, and a gain not a surprising one, only you can decide if your personality is deformed too much to be recuperable. On the other hand, suffering from anxieties you are the last person who should make that choice... but hey, you must. Oof...
There's no safe direct action that can be taken, sure. Like, just catching a Greyhound and becoming a Hollywood star ;)
When will be the time that the social security services have to tend to you instead of your mother ? Because that seems to be the logical step to take, then use the options such services provide, against your mother. I mean, we live in grotesque victim culture, so use your very convincing victim status to the fullest.
Lay it on even thicker than it already is, go with it... make it impossible for them to emotionally resist you. Just don't lay on the crazy too thickly, always keep the rational part showing. I don't know how long it will take, several efforts for sure, but that tactic will eventually work and free you (and maybe your sister) from your mother. I suspect you'll be stuck with the social workers for the rest of your life, so it's just as well you develop some expertise in shamelessly playing them ;)

 

[bath salts]

I'm so sorry about the situation you are in... but I think your life will be so much happier when you finally get to leave your mom. You just have to stay away from toxic people and I'm sorry that's not currently an option for you.
Just wondering but have you ever considered attacking your mom?

Thank you for the kind words Honestly, I have. Realized it would never do any good. She's much stronger than me and I worry about what would happen to my siblings if I attacked her with a weapon and ended up in jail or something. She has tried to attack me and has attacked me (in my friends house) before. Due to my father hitting me, instinctively I disassociated and was unable to fight back. Feelsbad.

Hmm... that's a problem of course, and a gain not a surprising one, only you can decide if your personality is deformed too much to be recuperable. On the other hand, suffering from anxieties you are the last person who should make that choice... but hey, you must. Oof...
There's no safe direct action that can be taken, sure. Like, just catching a Greyhound and becoming a Hollywood star ;)
When will be the time that the social security services have to tend to you instead of your mother ? Because that seems to be the logical step to take, then use the options such services provide, against your mother. I mean, we live in grotesque victim culture, so use your very convincing victim status to the fullest.
Lay it on even thicker than it already is, go with it... make it impossible for them to emotionally resist you. Just don't lay on the crazy too thickly, always keep the rational part showing. I don't know how long it will take, several efforts for sure, but that tactic will eventually work and free you (and maybe your sister) from your mother. I suspect you'll be stuck with the social workers for the rest of your life, so it's just as well you develop some expertise in shamelessly playing them ;)

I've tried to sell my story but no dice haha. Every time they end up saying that it just seems like my mother is under a lot of stress which is causing the situations. I think it's just that they would much rather ignore the signs than take the steps to get involved. Selfish people thrive in this world, sadly. I have one social worker I am trying to get in to see because she does wonders for my friend, but because she is a legitimately good person it takes a while to get an appointment. Don't have much hope to be honest. Thank you for the advice though! Let's see how things go :)

 

[Ruffian]

Hmm... that's a problem of course, and a gain not a surprising one, only you can decide if your personality is deformed too much to be recuperable. On the other hand, suffering from anxieties you are the last person who should make that choice... but hey, you must. Oof...
There's no safe direct action that can be taken, sure. Like, just catching a Greyhound and becoming a Hollywood star ;)
When will be the time that the social security services have to tend to you instead of your mother ? Because that seems to be the logical step to take, then use the options such services provide, against your mother. I mean, we live in grotesque victim culture, so use your very convincing victim status to the fullest.
Lay it on even thicker than it already is, go with it... make it impossible for them to emotionally resist you. Just don't lay on the crazy too thickly, always keep the rational part showing. I don't know how long it will take, several efforts for sure, but that tactic will eventually work and free you (and maybe your sister) from your mother. I suspect you'll be stuck with the social workers for the rest of your life, so it's just as well you develop some expertise in shamelessly playing them ;)

Just to make it move along even smoother - do you have any physical problems? If not, get some, and I mean quick. Get to a doctor and start documenting everything you CAN"T do because of pain in your back, your shoulder, your neck, you get blinding migraines, whatever. But always put it in terms of how it's affecting your ability to do any work at all. Then when you add in your mental health issues you will have an even better chance because mental health cases are getting harder to win, so a physical problem will be a big help. Someone on here linked a great resource on how to be successful at applying for disability - I downloaded it, but I may still have the link. I'm hopping off now, but I'll see if I can find it. Good luck to you!

 

[bath salts]

Just to make it move along even smoother - do you have any physical problems? If not, get some, and I mean quick. Get to a doctor and start documenting everything you CAN"T do because of pain in your back, your shoulder, your neck, you get blinding migraines, whatever. But always put it in terms of how it's affecting your ability to do any work at all. Then when you add in your mental health issues you will have an even better chance because mental health cases are getting harder to win, so a physical problem will be a big help. Someone on here linked a great resource on how to be successful at applying for disability - I downloaded it, but I may still have the link. I'm hopping off now, but I'll see if I can find it. Good luck to you!

I do have a couple, thank you so much for the tips :) It means the world to me. Much love to you!

 

[angelicism999]

That's so atrocious and unfair, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that :( i really hope you'll get out of that situation soon you deserve so so much better!!

 

[bath salts]

That's so atrocious and unfair, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that :( i really hope you'll get out of that situation soon you deserve so so much better!!

Thank you soso much for the kind words! Much love to you tonight :)

 

[Worndown]

It is obvious your mother is a troubled soul.
Is there an advocacy group you can contact that can intervene for you and your sister.
While trying might enrage your mother, it does not sound like your relationship can be damaged more than it is now.
No reason for you to die to escape her problems.

 

[bath salts]

It is obvious your mother is a troubled soul.
Is there an advocacy group you can contact that can intervene for you and your sister.
While trying might enrage your mother, it does not sound like your relationship can be damaged more than it is now.
No reason for you to die to escape her problems.

I've been looking for some help but it's scarce, especially because where I live there are a lot of troubled families/children seeking help. Not much I can do but wait. Thank you for your perspective :)

 

[bath salts]

Update: My brother also told me he would be glad if I died. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like such a fuck up. At least it will be over when my parcel comes in next week.