Venting my mom vented to me

[vhjfjdrt]

My mom recently did something that broke my trust. after expressing that to her in a long text message basically telling her that I no longer trust her, she came to me crying and basically begging me to forgive her and that she doesn't want me to feel that way about her. she randomly started venting about how close she is to losing it and that she's struggling more than I'm aware of. I started crying as well because I was already dealing with intense emotions due to how betrayed I felt, now I'm suddenly filled with guilt for making her cry and all the things she's dealing with.

she said that she clings to me and my other sibling so much bc she's still mourning my brother who passed 10 years ago. I started breaking down at that thought because I was planning to ctb soon and I just felt so fucking bad. she had already calmed down but she kept asking me why I was crying but I couldn't tell her the real reason.

this showed how badly she's affected by me simply not trusting her so the thought of her completely losing it when I leave is too much. I don't know what to do. I've been suffering for so long and she knows that. I made up my mind a long time ago that I no longer want to be here, I can hardly function. This is already delaying everything and I've been doing nothing but procrastinating. I just feel angry at this point. was my mom being manipulative? I don't understand why she had to vent to me instead of just apologizing? and then she told me not to worry about her issues which is pointless because she knows I'm prone to over thinking.

idk if all of this makes sense, it's 3am and my head hurts

 

[Topaz111]

I don't know much about you or your situation, but that does sound very manipulative. Forgiveness should not be demanded, she is not entitled to it. Trust should be earned through her showing she understands what she did was wrong and changed her behaviour, it's something that happens over time, not something to be demanded because she feels bad (and even then it's okay if you never end up trusting her).
She used her own struggles to get you to pity her and gain something from you. I think you know that deep down, but feel guilty because you are an empathetic person and in general, we are cursed with the human condition that makes it really hard for us to accept when our parents do awful things.
I wish I had some more useful advice here, I really feel for you and deeply relate to your struggle. It's not your fault and not your job to fix her issues, especially when she's the ome who broke your boundaries.